I just wanted AK to be happy. I had seen glimpses of it at the lodge. I did not want my burdens to drag him back down to darkness.
The sound of Viking’s voice pulled everyone’s focus again. “And then this other time, AK and Flame burst into the crack house we were stealing from . . .” Men laughed as Viking told tale after tale. And I liked hearing about AK. I liked hearing about silly things he had done in playful moments with his friend, when the weight of his past had not burdened his mind.
My eyes drifted to the raven-haired woman beside me. Mae, she was called. I watched her cradle her stomach as she talked to Maddie. Her husband’s hand lay over her bump too, and I felt that same pit form in my own stomach as whenever I saw a mother and child. Only this time it was worse.
Save me, Mother . . . remember . . . Beauty said that we find messages in dreams . . . save me, Mother . . . remember . . .
I stilled as my blood ran cold. The potion . . . the bed . . . her beaten face . . .
Meister telling me I would forget, that he would make me forget it all . . .
No, I thought, my heart spiraling into an uncontrolled beat. It could not be true. She was safe, abroad. I knew she had been taken from New Zion. Judah had promised me . . . Judah . . .
Judah, who had lied about so much . . .
“You okay?” AK asked and turned my face to his.
I forced a smile. “Just tired.”
I shrieked as AK put his hands under my legs and lifted me into his arms. In front of everyone, he took me toward his cabin. I looked around to see them all watching us intently. My face burned with embarrassment. “You that desperate for a fuck?” Viking shouted as we reached the cabin’s door. AK flipped his finger at Viking and walked into the cabin. He laid me down on the bed, stripped me of my clothes and then shed his own. He climbed under the covers and drew me into his arms.
I did not want him to see how panicked I was inside. AK was perceptive. He saw things within me that no one ever had. I needed to deflect his attention. “You like Viking very much, do you not?” I asked. He rolled his eyes in affectionate exasperation.
“Can’t shake the fucker,” he replied. “That night I saw Dev in the hospital, I went to a bar. I needed a drink so fucking bad. It was a biker bar Dev sometimes took me to when we were both on leave. I was sitting at the bar when that asshole giant came and sat next to me. He saw me in my Marine fatigues. Fucker just smiled at me and asked, ‘How many of the assholes have you killed?’ Just came right out and asked me.” AK laughed, and I loved hearing the rumbling sound from his mouth.
“I told him to fuck off, and the fucker just laughed in my face. Five minutes later, he got into a fight with some meatheads by running his mouth again. I was itching for a fight after seeing Dev in such a damn state, so I had his back. We knocked out four of the cunts in minutes. He shook my hand, bought me a drink and asked me if I’d like to ride bikes and knock more fuckers out on a daily basis. I said yes. He brought me here, introduced me to Styx’s old man, and by the next day I was the newest prospect of the Hades Hangmen. Fucker never left me alone after that day. Then you know how we got Flame out of the nuthouse, and the rest is history. The Psycho Trio was born. Those two just got me from the start. Did one last tour that I’d already signed up for, then left the Marines for good. Been at this club ever since.”
“You love them like family,” I said. “Viking, Flame and now Asher.”
AK inhaled and lost his humor. “Yeah. Love all my brothers here, but those two are my best friends. I’d have been fucking lost without them when all the shit went down. They kept me from spiraling down to a place I couldn’t get back from.” His eyes fell. “Like I wanted to do for you.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“You are a good man, Xavier Deyes.” I placed my hand on his cheek. AK looked at me in surprise, and knowing he was the most special man I would ever meet, I spoke from my heart. “I . . . I love you,” I whispered and saw his eyes widen. “I do not expect you to say it back. I just . . . I just wanted you to know that my heart is now in your hands. You have honor, and pride, and the kindest soul in existence.” I tried to keep my voice from breaking.
I tried to hide this . . . goodbye.
“Fuck, Red.” He rolled me onto my back, his eyes searching my face. “I love you too.” My heart swelled more than I thought possible. And AK kissed me. He kissed me, and with such grace and adoration, made love to me, slowly, passionately, lovingly.
Afterwards, still wrapped in AK’s arms, I fell asleep. And when I saw Sapphira in my head again, begging me for help, I took her cold, bruised hand and promised, “I am coming for you, sweetheart. I will be with you soon.”
*****
I stopped at the edge of Lilah’s home. Just one more time. I had to see her and Grace one more time. Grace was playing with dolls on the lawn. A smile came to my lips when I saw Ky sitting opposite her playing with dolls too. “Why the fuck am I doing this shit?” he said to Lilah, who was watching them happily.
“Because you are her papa and she wanted to play with you.”
“You wanna learn how to dismantle a bike, Grace? Get your hands dirty with oil and shit instead? It’ll be fun.”
“No.” She thrust a doll at him. “We’re playing dolls. And Jamie-Rae needs to go to the salon to get her hair fixed.”
“Fuck my life!” Ky groaned and took the doll from her hand. Lilah laughed at her husband, and my heart ached at how perfect they looked. She had found it—true happiness.
“Orrrrr,” Grace sang. “We could play hide-and-seek again?”
“Again?” Lilah said in exasperation. “What is it with you and this game?”
“It’s my favorite!”
“Done.” Ky got to his feet. “Anything but this doll horseshit.”
I backed away from the edge of the backyard when I saw Grace head toward the woods to hide. I dashed through to the path, never looking back. I knew it would be nearly time, if Ky’s information had been correct. I kept running until I broke through the trees and onto the edge of the road. There were no cars or trucks yet. It was quiet, so I stood and waited.
I fought my nerves. I knew what would be waiting for me. But I had to do it. AK would be safe, and I knew she was there. The dreams were too real to be dreams. He had her. I knew it. Something in my gut told me I had to find her.
I had felt something click into place last night as AK slept, holding me close. A truth that I knew was real.