“Exactly,” I say, and her reference to my previous words tells me that I am not the only one on a mission of trust, and I intend to deserve hers.
I bring my hands to just above her shoulders, letting them lightly touch her before beginning a slow caress downward. She makes a soft little sound that has my cock thickening and my blood running hot, but I won’t rush this. My lips follow, tracing a line down one of her arms, then the other. I lean and caress my lips over hers, a feather light touch that teases me, if not her.
I take her hands in mine, pressing them behind her head. “Hold them there, for me, so I can see all of you. Understand?”
“You intend to tease me incessantly,” she says, without so much as a hint of hesitation. “Yes. I understand.”
I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her naked body against me, my free hand on hers above her head, our mouths a breath apart. “I intend to lick every part of you, and then do it again, so yes. If that’s the definition of incessant teasing, then yes. I am going to tease you incessantly.” I close my mouth down on hers, my tongue licking into her mouth, a deep, hungry tasting I force myself to end far too quickly. “That was the beginning. Should I could continue?”
“Yes. Please.”
“Please,” I say. “I like that.”
“I think I might want to reverse this and make you say ‘please.’”
“Sweetheart, there are many reasons I’ll say ‘please’ to you.” I drag my lips over her cheek, her jaw, back to her neck, and ear. “Please, can I touch your nipple? Please, can I lick it? Please tell me where you want me to lick you.” I turn her to face the bed, my hands on her hips, leaning in close again, my hand on her belly, my cheek pressed to hers. “Where do you want me to lick you?”
“I’m not really picky.”
I smile against her neck—no one would have convinced me I’d smile anytime this night, or anytime soon—the sweet feminine scent of her teasing my nostrils. “I love how you smell.” It’s all over the sheets. I want it all over me. My teeth scrape her neck. My hands slides to her breasts, cupping them. “Do you know what I’m going to do to you?”
“Fuck me?”
I go still with that answer and the realization that my quest for control has done exactly the opposite of what I’d intended. I’ve made this about me, not her. Not us. I turn her back around, pulling her arms between us. “No. I am not fucking you. In that bathroom I fucked you. Right now, I’m making love to you.” I untie her arms and cup her face. “But I still want to kiss every part of you before this night is over.” I kiss her now, a slow slide of tongue, and I don’t rush it. I revel in the taste of her. In the soft little moan she makes. In the way her hands settle at my waist and press a little harder against me with every slide of my tongue, until finally I say, “Kissing you all over isn’t about teasing you incessantly. It’s about enjoying you and making that moment when I’m finally inside you feel better.”
“Shane, I—”
“Just like that,” I say, brushing my lips over hers. “Say my name again, not ‘please.’ Okay?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Good,” I approve, my hands settling at the sides of her breasts, fingers stroking the delicate skin, and slowly I lower myself to my knee, blowing warm air on one nipple, then the next. I repeat my attentions to her nipples but this time with my tongue. She lowers her hands and her fingers slide into my hair, and when I suck her nipple into my mouth, her grip tightens, I smile and drag deeper. My reward is her sexy little moan. I take my time, licking and sucking; waiting for that moment she finally gives me.
“Shane.”
It’s a plea, and the one I wanted. I stroke her nipples one last time and move lower, my mouth caressing a path to her belly button. But still I make her wait, and not because I really do want to tease her incessantly. Because kissing her, exploring her body, might make my body hard, but it softens another part of me, it unravels that “something” I fought in the bathroom. I want her to know she’s mine and that means I cherish every part of her. My hand settles on one of her hips, my fingers slip between her legs, into the wet, slick heat that speaks of how aroused she is, but I want more.
I lap at her clit, and her fingers go to my hair. I do it again, and she grips me a little tighter. My mouth closes down over the swollen nub, and yet a little tighter. I sink my fingers inside her and she outright moans. “Shane.” It’s all the motivation I need to give her what she wants. To lick her all over, stroking her with my fingers and tongue with one goal: her pleasure, not my control. And when she comes, she is sweet honey on my tongue, addictive in every way. She trembles with her release, and I wrap her hips, holding her a moment before her knees give way.
Her body gives way, melting against me, and in that moment, I am struck by all she has been through, and how completely she gives herself to me. I didn’t need to look for her trust. It is mine to lose, not find, a gift I do not think this woman gives easily, but even after witnessing one of my darkest moments in that bathroom, she gives it freely to me. I press my lips to her belly, lingering there a moment before I look up at her, her cheeks flushed.
“Why, when I know control is an issue for you, did you so readily offer me your arms?”
“Because it’s you. You make me feel safe.”
“Safe.” It is a surreal word to hear, on a night when I feel as if a life has been lost that I could have saved.
“Yes,” she says firmly. “Safe.”
My lashes lower with her confirmation, and I try to revel in those words, to tell myself I deserve them, but that dark something I’ve fought since hearing the news report at Majors stirs inside me. Emily shocks me then, reaching down and cupping my face, our eyes meeting. “Shane,” she says softly. “Wherever you just went, don’t go there.”
“I’m right here, where I want to be.”
“No. You’re back where you were, right before you punched that mirror.”
I am baffled by how easily she has read me. “How do you know that?”
“I don’t know how I know or why we connect, but we do. I can be safe for you too. If you let me.”
“I did let you. You saw me in that bathroom in a way no one else ever has.”
“Because I was worried enough about you to walk in even though you shut me out. I witnessed what was already happening. What you chose to show no one.”
“What I didn’t want to exist.”