JT smiled even as this faraway look came into his eyes. “Then you loved her?”
“Very much.” I leaned forward a little, resting my elbows on my knees. “Julia was smart and beautiful and everything a stupid nineteen year old kid could want in a mate. We were together constantly—annoying the shit out of my friends. I didn’t want to go home. I tried to convince her to come to California with us, but she was set to start at NYU that fall and her parents weren’t about to let her lose that opportunity.”
“So you just left her.”
“I left her. But she promised to call daily.”
“Did she?”
I shook my head. “At the time, I didn’t get any messages from her. But she told me a few months ago she called me over and over again, but whoever was taking the calls never got the messages to me.” I sat up again, leaning back into my chair to stretch my back. “I don’t know. It was a long time ago. I think I might have given her the number to my parents’ house because I was supposed to spend a couple of weeks there before I went back to school. But then I got into this internship that started early, so I ended up going straight back to Stanford.”
“It didn’t bother you that you never heard from her?”
“It broke my heart. I thought I was in love with her. But I figured if she couldn’t be bothered to call me, then I should move on with my life, too.”
JT turned to the window and stared out for a while. I did the same, trying to remember that summer, to remember the details that seemed to have escaped me for the time being. But all I could really remember was a blur of kisses and touches, of long nights tangled on that noisy old bed in our room, of the taste of beer and whiskey. All I could remember was the fun we had. I didn’t really remember the lack of money that forced us to call our parents more than once, or the lecture my father gave me when I stepped off the plane and he smelled alcohol on my breath.
“We were kids,” I said after a while. “We were having fun, not really thinking about the consequences. It never crossed my mind that I might have left Julia in trouble.”
“But you did.”
“I did. And I would have done the right thing if I’d known.”
JT lifted his casted leg and adjusted it on the pillow the flight attendant had once again provided him with. Then he sat back, his eyes moving everywhere but to my face.
“Would you have married her if you had known?”
“I’d like to think I would have. But you can’t really know what you might do until you’re actually in that situation.”
“Then you might not have.”
“I don’t know JT. I just…I really don’t know.”
I looked at him then, for just a second before he turned back to the window, blinking quickly as though trying to keep tears from falling.
“JT, I can’t rewrite history. I can’t go back and undo what’s been done. But I can tell you that the moment I found out about you, I did everything I could to track you down and get to know you. I want you in my life.”
“But she doesn’t.”
“Who?”
JT shook his head, but I could see tears streaming down his cheeks in the reflection in the window. I moved to the seat next to him and touched his shoulder.
“Who are you talking about?”
“My mother. She just gave me away like I was an inconvenience.”
“No, she didn’t.” I ran my hand over his shoulder to catch a tear with my finger as it rolled off of his chin. “Giving you up was probably one of the hardest things Julia had ever done. But she had no one to help her. Her parents threatened to cut her off if she kept you. and she had no job, no place to live, no education. What kind of life could she have given you?”
“We would have been okay. Penelope and I were.”
“But Penelope and Julia are two very different people. And Penelope had the help of the people in that little town where you live. Julia wouldn’t have had that.”
I tugged at his chin, forced him to look at me.
“Julia did the right thing, JT. As hard as it is for the two of us to accept, neither of us were in her position. Neither of us had to make that choice. But Julia did what was ultimately the best thing for you. And if she hadn’t, you never would have known your adoptive parents. You never would have had someone like Penelope in your life.”
JT looked away for a minute. Then he nodded.
“I know this is hard, JT, but we’re all doing the best we can.”
He nodded. “Are you going to make Penelope leave when my leg is better?”
“I don’t think anyone can make Penelope do anything she doesn’t want to do.”
JT laughed, a soft sound that had as much sadness in it as humor.
“You have that right.”
Unfortunately, I knew I was right. And I was afraid that whatever happened next, one of us would be disappointed with Penelope’s choice.
Chapter 25
Penelope