I nod. “Thank you for telling me.” I step forward and sink down into the chair, crossing my legs and looking at the man who watched over me nearly my entire human life. “Are you okay?”
It takes him aback, me asking him that question. He blinks twice. “I could use a full two days sleep on a proper bed, but yes, physically I am alright.”
I bite my lower lip, considering. “Have you called Alivia Conrath already?”
Slowly, he sinks back into his chair, but never breaks his gaze. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “Not that the House of Valdez was going to give me access. But you’re a grown woman, Logan. Your interaction with her, and the timing of it, is your decision.”
“From what Cyrus has said, you’re crazy loyal to her,” I say. “I would think you’d be very anxious to share the news.”
Rath shakes his head. “In some ways, my relationship with your mother is as complicated as Cyrus’. I have served the House of Conrath for a very long time, and while I will always love Alivia, always wish I had guided her better, I cannot condone so many things she did. I do not know if I will ever be able to forgive her for everything.”
Everything he just said startles me. My stomach knots.
“Then why would you spend sixteen years of your life keeping watch over me for her?” I ask, astounded.
Rath crosses one ankle over his knee. “While I love Alivia, my true devotion is to my best friend, the Conrath lost in the dark. It is for your grandfather that I have done what I have done. You are a Conrath by birthright.”
My head is spinning. Sevan certainly understands complicated family tress. But Logan can’t handle all of this.
Grandfather.
Rath knew my maternal grandfather.
Who is apparently dead.
I shake my head, trying to clear the confusion from my brain.
“What now?” I ask. “Eventually I will return with Cyrus to Roter Himmel, but not yet. You say meeting my mother is my choice, but what about you? Will you return to the House of Conrath?”
Rath doesn’t have words immediately. He studies me, and I know the complex emotions raging through him. They’re the same as what is going on inside myself.
“These next few weeks will be tumultuous ones for you, Logan,” he says. “I may be loyal to the House of Conrath, and will be until the end of my days, but Logan, sixteen years of hiding a difficult and complicated fate from you doesn’t go away because you are upset with me. If you need my help, you have it.”
I don’t see it coming. But suddenly my throat is tight and emotion bites the back of my eyes. I cross my arms over my chest and have to look away.
I don’t know what to say. My pride and bitterness want to send him away, to never see his deceiving face again.
But another part of me knows the value of devotion and loyalty.
I truly don’t know what to say.
“We should talk,” Larkin says, saving me in the moment of awkwardness.
I stand and head toward my bedroom, grateful. Larkin follows me without a word. I meet Rath’s eyes for just a second as I close the bedroom door behind me.
“Are you alright, my queen?” Larkin asks from behind me.
I turn, looking over at him. “Can you…can you please just call me Logan for now?”
He gives a little nod. “Of course, Logan.”
I walk to the bed, trailing my fingers over the soft fabric. I feel a little lost, momentarily. “No,” I answer the question he posed a few moments ago. “I’m not alright. I feel…” I shake my head. Because I don’t know how to answer that question. “I feel like I’m lost in the darkest forest on Immergrun Mountain. Or maybe tossed into Spiegel Lake. I can’t tell which way is up, or where home is.”
“Do not be too hard on yourself,” Larkin says. He watches me from beside the door, his eyes catching every one of my movements. “You’ve woken up with years of a new life seven times. It is understandable if you need a few days to piece yourself together.”
“Eight,” I say once more, this time to a different man.
My eyes rise, studying the wall as if it can hold the answers. Find the pieces to that eighth life that I know exists.
“Eight,” Larkin says, sounding slightly breathless. “You mean there has been a life between this one as Logan, and La’ei? You returned at some point in the past 286 years?”
I look back at him. My gaze is misty when I nod my head. “I can’t remember it yet, but I know it’s there. Something…something happened. I just can’t remember yet.”
He takes one step forward, his eyes fixed on me. “If you wished to discuss the complexities of your life, you would have called someone, perhaps anyone else,” he says knowingly. “Not me. Tell me, Logan. Why is it that you had a need to call me?”
I’m relieved. He changes the subject to something I can deal with. Something that may be deadly, but is simple. Something I know how to deal with, because I’ve been doing it on and off for thousands of years.
“Five days ago, there was an attempt on Cyrus’ life,” I say, standing straight and facing Larkin. “It was planned, laid out. They weren’t particularly smart about it, Cyrus easily killed them. But there was something about it that bothers me.”
Larkin’s eyes narrow. “What is that?”
“It was a feeble attempt,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “But the way they did it. It rattled Cyrus. For a day or two before they actually attacked, Cyrus was worried. I got the feeling they’d possibly followed him from Roter Himmel. They knew he was there with no security. Cyrus felt threatened.”
“You think it was more about getting into the King’s head than the actual attack?” Larkin clarifies.
I nod. “I’ve rarely seen him shaken. I had to remind him of what he was capable of. Perhaps it was his worry over me, in my human state. But I feel like this was different from other attacks. It’s like they knew how Cyrus would react.”
I can see the wheels turning in Larkin’s head.
There’s a reason I called Larkin. This is what he does. This is what he excels at.
“I want you to investigate this,” I say. “The attacker was killed. Mina buried his body on the property. But these things are rarely orchestrated by a single individual. I want you to see if there is anything else to worry about.”
Larkin’s fingers roll into fists and he stands a little taller. “It would be my pleasure,” he says. Even his voice sounds deeper.
“It happened in Colorado,” I say. “Half a day’s drive from here.” I turn and find a pad of paper and a pen on the nightstand. I write the address of Cyrus’ house in Greendale down and hand it over to him. “Do whatever you have to do to figure out who did this.”
He takes the paper, and for just a moment, embers ignite in his eyes. “I’ll do whatever it takes to find out who tried to kill your husband, Logan.”
I swallow at the title, but nod.
With one last bow, Larkin turns and leaves the room to go hunt down who did this.
I sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the door once he is gone.
In my very, very long existence, there has always been a need for individuals who are skilled in collecting intelligence. For those who can take care of problems silently.
Over the years, Cyrus has had many spies with incredible skill. Ubaldo was his first. Then came Wolfhard. And last I remember there was Raheem, more skilled than any others before him.
I wonder if he’s still in Cyrus’ service. It’s been so long, who knows.
But all this time, at least since my third life, since I lived a life as Helda, Larkin has been the one I could count on. The one with the deadliest hands, the sharpest fangs, and the most silent feet.
There isn’t a cell in me that doubts he can solve this mystery.
I stare at the door Larkin walked out of, and suddenly I feel depleted.
This is it. Everything I had planned after telling Cyrus I wouldn’t be returning with him to Roter Himmel is finished.
Call Larkin.
Free Rath.
Start the investigation.
Now what?
I flop back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I’m exhausted just thinking of the possibilities of where I could go from here.
So for right now, I’m just grateful for this bed, and this room, granting me a safe, private place to rest.
Chapter 5