“The tension leading up to Cyrus’ arrival drove the wedge between Ian and I even deeper. And finally, it got to be too much. We called it off, dark, bitter words were said. And we ended things.”
She toys with the hem of her shorts, picking at a thread there.
“During that time, Cyrus had sent a spy to watch me,” Alivia moves on. “Raheem. He eventually came into the light. Over a few weeks, we got to know one another. In him, I saw darkness that I recognized in my own heart. He encouraged me to accept my fate, to embrace the life I was born to be. Raheem accepted me and never once resented who I was.”
Acceptance.
It’s what we all need.
And I begin to understand.
Raheem gave her what Ian never could.
“But he kept his distance,” Alivia says. She looks up. “He knew the weight of Cyrus’ arrival and the potential for what could happen after I resurrected. It continued to rip me to pieces, my heart. I knew I didn’t love Raheem, but in a way, I needed him just to breathe.”
I try to recall his face. Raheem. Dark skin. Dark eyes. Mysterious, and a child of the desert.
But it’s been a long time.
“And then Cyrus arrived, and the end of my life came,” my mother continues to tell her story. “There is something to be said about Cyrus. He’s captivating. He’s intriguing. He’s intense. I didn’t expect that.” She shakes her head.
“The way he looked at me. The hope and longing in his eyes.”
She looks over at me. “I wanted to be you,” she says softly. “I wanted to end that pain in his eyes. I wanted to remember a past life so that I could forget the pain in my chest. So I could move on. Whenever I was with Cyrus, I desperately wanted to be you.”
Everything she says about Cyrus is true. He is engrossing. He holds a power over people.
Without even realizing it, he put a spell on Alivia.
I know it now; she never really stood a chance.
But Alivia Ryan Conrath is capable of far more than she looks.
Cyrus didn’t stand one either.
“I knew I was playing with fire,” Alivia confesses. “That I shouldn’t do what I was doing. Shouldn’t let Cyrus hope. But I wanted it. I also wanted to make the pain stop. Because there was Raheem, waiting in the shadows, soft touches and stolen kisses. There was Cyrus, looking at me with so much longing. But all I wanted was Ian.”
Her voice grows breathy. Quiet.
The two of them are toxic. I have spent hardly any time around the two of them, but I can already tell. They’re toxic around each other.
But we all have our brands of acid. Maybe they are the only two who could mix with one another.
“I didn’t mean to break Cyrus,” she says, looking over at me. “And I regret what I did, every day.”
I swallow and my eyes drop away from hers for a moment.
Everyone does things that they regret.
And I’ve heard more stories.
I think I understand now, another reason Ian will never like me. I’m married to the man who tortured his wife. Ian has only ever seen the dark side of Cyrus, only has a few years of history and a limited set of experiences with him.
I can tell: Ian is a man who does not forgive.
“Rath said Cyrus held you at Roter Himmel, and I’ve seen the brands,” I say quietly. “I…” I trail off, shaking my head. “I don’t know that I want to hear those stories. I know what Cyrus is capable of. How big of a grudge he can hold. So I think it’s safe to say that you’re probably even.”
She gives a little huff, and I see it in her eyes. Not even close.
I wonder again, just what exactly did Cyrus do to Alivia while she was at Roter Himmel?
“Well, at least one good thing came out of it, well, two I guess, since it was our time there that brought Ian and I back together,” she corrects herself. “But that’s where I saw your father, and knew he was a Royal.”
I look back at her. “So you do know who he is?” My heart plunders my body, raging.
She shrugs. “I recognized him, but I never spoke to him. I knew he hadn’t given me his real name all those years ago. And I was terrified. What were the chances that I, a Royal who didn’t even know she was a Royal, would sleep with another Royal?”
“Slim to none,” I say, my brows furrowing. “Alivia, do you think that somehow he knew what you were?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know, but it just can’t be coincidence, it just doesn’t seem realistic.”
I nod. The odds…
“So you don’t know his name?” I ask. She shakes her head. “But if you were to come to Roter Himmel, you would be able to identify him again, right?”
Her face pales. I understand. Not many come to Roter Himmel under positive circumstances. And if she was there so Cyrus could get revenge… Asking her to go back is big.
“I could,” she says. Her voice is tight. “And I will. If you want me to.”
I offer her a small, appreciative smile. “Maybe. I’ll have to think about it. This is all…everything. It’s just happening so fast. Just a month ago I was worrying about money problems, and now I’m…”
Alivia reaches over and places a hand on my knee.
“Please,” she says, and her tone makes me meet her eyes again. “I know you’ve been through a lot. But ever since I realized, I knew, that you would be the one, when you were just four years old, I tried to keep you out of this, for as long as I could. Can you…can you please tell me what happened?”
I look at her for a long moment, my eyes flicking to hers, one and then the other.
This is our biggest difference. Our eyes.
I did not get them from her.
“Rath and I had had a fight,” I begin. “There had been some attacks in the area—vampire. He wanted me to move back in with my parents, I told him that was never going to happen. Anyway…” I shake my head, remembering the annoying night. “We stumbled upon two vampires dealing with the attacker. It was a mess. Rath begged them to let us go, but the man, he kept looking at me and demanding to know who I was.”
Realization creeps into Alivia’s eyes.
“I look a lot like you,” I say softly. “And finally he realized it. He probably would have let it go, considering I was the daughter of a female Royal, but with Rath there…”
Alivia sighs. “In the end, the man I sent to protect you was the one who gave you away.”
I nod. “Cyrus arrived just hours later,” I say. “Tested my blood, confirmed I was Royal through both lines. He wanted to kill me, right then and there.”
“How the hell did you ever stop him?” she asks.
I laugh. “I made a deal with him. He could kill me, but he had to give me a month to wrap up my human life. And he had to get to know me during that month. My intent was that it would change his mind and he would decide that I didn’t have to die.”
Sadness creeps into her eyes. Heavy. Regretful.
“So I assume your month ran out,” she concludes.
But I shake my head. “Someone tried to kill him. I stopped them, but it cost me my own life.”
Alivia angles toward me, leaning in closer. The moment grows heavier. Denser.
“And what made you do that, Logan?”
I look up, my eyes rising to the stars above us. I search them, trying to remember everything I know about them. So that I can know which same ones Cyrus might be looking at.
“You said you’d never been in love before you met Cyrus,” Alivia says softly. “You didn’t say that as Sevan, did you?”
I take a few more breaths, still staring at the stars. Slowly, I let my eyes slide closed. I feel his breath on my neck. I imagine his lips. I hear the sound of him humming.
“No, I didn’t,” I answer.
She lets me sit in the quiet for a few moments, just lost in thought. In my own memories.
A helicopter ride.
A fake bowling date.
His hand in mine.
Looks across my parents’ kitchen table.
A kill defending my honor.
The look of guilt in his eyes.
“It’s kind of annoying, isn’t it?” Alivia says eventually. “When our hearts want something that logically seems so bad for us?”
A little chuckle escapes my lips. I open my eyes and look back at Alivia, who smiles back, and I realize, she does get it.