Fuck. She thinks she’s wiser? She went into a biker bar by herself asking questions about me. That’s not wise. Unless you’re Faye fuckin’ Black, you don’t pull that shit. I run my hand over my head, then rub the back of my neck. This woman has just been through hell, she’s vulnerable, and she’s someone I don’t want to hurt. How do I tell her that I’ve never thought about all the things she just said? That after I met Jo, no other woman will measure up?
I don’t even know how to explain that without sounding fuckin’ crazy, even to myself. I just saw her, I wanted her, I got her, and now I’m trying to keep her. I don’t want anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with Elizabeth, but I never really thought about her in that way. She didn’t leave the impact on me that I apparently left on her. Yeah, we had good times, and, yes, I will always care about her, but it’s only friendship. I like her. I more than like Jo. How do I explain this?
“We were always just friends, Elizabeth,” I say in a gentle tone, hoping that it softens the blow.
“Really?” she asks, sounding incredulous. “Cam, I—”
“Friends,” I repeat, reaching out to take her hand. “I care about you. You’re an amazing woman, but—”
“Wow,” she says, moving her hand away and staring straight ahead. “Did I just make up everything between us then? Yes, we were friends, but we were always friends who had the potential to be more. If we both want it, we can be amazing, Cam. You’ve never given us a chance. I want to take that chance so I don’t have to always wonder what could have been. Just think about it. I think we’d be great together.”
She’s been through so much, and I don’t want to contribute to any more of her pain or upset her, but she doesn’t seem to be understanding that I don’t want to, and will never want to be with her in that way.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
NINETEEN
“CAM?” She softly says from behind me as I walk toward the door and stop. “Where are you going?”
“Nowhere,” I say, turning around. “I’m not going anywhere, Elizabeth, I’m just thinking.”
“About us?” she asks boldly, sitting up in her bed and adjusting the sheets. “Say something, Cam.”
I grit my teeth and return to the bed. Do I mention Jo, or will that just hurt her and cause shit between them? I don’t want to do that, but I don’t want to fuckin’ lie. I know how upset Jo will get if Elizabeth lashes out at her, and she might not even want to have anything to do with me after that. Fuck. That isn’t an option. Not being with Jo isn’t even a fuckin’ option. Maybe we can keep things between us a secret for now, until Elizabeth realizes that we’re not meant to be. Maybe she’ll get over it soon. I don’t know; I need to talk to Jo about all of this. I’ll let her decide how to handle this so she can’t throw it in my face later. I also know very well how jealous women get. I don’t peg Elizabeth as the malicious type at all, but honestly, you never know. After everything that’s happened . . . I also don’t know her that well anymore. Time changes people. I’ve definitely changed since then.
“I feel safe around you,” she continues to speak. “Don’t take that away from me right now, Cam.”
And when she puts it that way, what the hell am I meant to respond with? I’m itching to leave this room, but I know I can’t do that to her. I decide to just say, “If you need me, I’ll be here,” and leave it at that. I will be here if she needs me, whenever she needs me, but Jo will be by my side too, where she belongs.
I watch her break eye contact, then she lets out a breath and nods. “Okay.”
I feel relieved that she’s letting it go, and try to change the subject. “Your sister looks nothing like you, by the way.”
“I know,” she says, her body language relaxing. “She looks more like my mom’s side of the family. I spoke to my parents on the phone today. They’re so upset they couldn’t fly here.”
“How old were they when they had you and your sister?” I ask, wondering just how old they are that they can’t fly.
“Mom had me when she was thirty-eight, and Helen when she was forty-two.”
“Pretty late,” I say, wondering how it affected their family dynamics.
“I know,” she agrees. “I’d never have kids that late. I think midthirties will be my expiration date.”
“Expiration?” I repeat, smirking. “Don’t worry, you have some time until then.”
“Do you want kids someday?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.
“I haven’t really thought about it,” I answer honestly. “I guess so. It depends on the kind of life I’m living at that point.”
She nods like she understands, but I know she doesn’t. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life when I return home. I love the Wind Dragons, but for some reason I don’t feel like I belong there. I don’t think I belong in an MC anymore, and I don’t know what to do, or where to go. I can either stay there and see how it goes, or I can leave and see where life takes me. I have my education to fall back on, and maybe I can finally put it to use. I need to explore a new path in life.
Although, I won’t be going anywhere without Jo. I wonder how she’d feel being on the back of my bike. Fuck. I can’t wait to get her on there. Maybe I can talk her into taking a little trip with me.
? ? ?
When she returns to the hospital room I’m still thinking about her. It’s like she never leaves my mind. She stays and chats with Elizabeth for a while, and even brought her food even though Elizabeth didn’t end up asking for anything. My baby is thoughtful, that’s for sure. I wait until we get into the car before I bring up what happened tonight.
“I understand now,” I say as I pull onto the main road. “The reason why you were so weird about the Elizabeth thing.” I cringe when I remember asking her if she was jealous. “What do I do?”
“What did she say to you?” Jo asks, eyes going wide. “I don’t know what to tell you to do. She’s just been rescued, and I don’t want to tell her that I accidentally slept with the guy she thinks is her soul mate.”
“She said that?” I say, suddenly feeling a little claustrophobic. “Fuck. I really didn’t see this one coming.”
“Stop being so hot,” Jo grumbles under her breath, making me grin.
“I think it’s just the Chase girls who think that,” I say, unable to help myself. When I see her scowl, I add, “What? Too soon?”
I take her putting the music louder as a yes. “Controlla” by Drake fills the car, and I turn it down a little, glancing at her from the corner of my eye. “She’ll get over it. I think we just need a little time before we tell her that we’re together.”
“We’re together?” Jo asks, voice going higher. “Since when?”
“Since I first laid eyes on you in that biker bar,” I say, smiling and bringing my hand to her thigh. “Stay in denial all you want, I don’t mind. I know the truth and that’s all that matters.”
She releases a breath, acting put out, but I don’t miss the small upward curve of that beautiful mouth. “The whole situation is out of control.”