It only took a silent shake of Caleb’s head to stem the questions he could see brimming in Constantine’s eyes.
As Caleb went down the hall to his room, he only paused a moment to point out the open door that led into the bathroom. Given the secretive nature of his relationship with Renny before, they’d never really hung out at his place. They’d spent most of their moments in the bayou, the soft moss their fragrant bower, the cloud-dappled sky their cover.
Entering his room, which had remained surprisingly untouched during his absence, Caleb pulled back the neatly tucked cover—some military training didn’t fade so easily—and lay Luke on the sheet.
Renny came alongside him and pulled up the thick blanket before placing a soft kiss on Luke’s forehead, but when she would have left, Luke made a sound.
“Don’t be scared, bug, Mommy’s not going anywhere.” Without a glance or word at Caleb, Renny slid into the other side of the bed and snuggled their child close.
Was it weird to want to climb in, too?
He would have liked to wrap his arms around them both and reassure them he would keep them safe.
I won’t let you down again.
Perhaps she sensed this newest vow, a vow he could keep to his death. Whatever the reason, when Renny peeked at him, he was glad of the silence because he wasn’t sure he could have spoken in that moment. In her eyes he saw trust.
After all I did…she trusts me to protect them.
Before he could embarrass himself and beg to climb in bed with them—and probably collapse the damned frame—Caleb left, shutting the door softly behind him.
For a moment, he stood in the hall, head bowed, simply trying to breathe. The panic, held at bay the entire time, rushed over him in a wave. Sucking in gasping breaths, he sank to his haunches, dizzy, while his legs lacked the strength to hold him.
How can I keep them safe?
He couldn’t even keep himself safe.
I can’t let them down.
Not again.
Never again.
So man the fuck up!
Stop the fucking pity party and take charge. He wasn’t a coward. He wasn’t a weakling.
Taking deep breaths, he pushed the panic back. He forced strength into his limbs and stood. He took the steps needed to get away from the door that separated him from the two most important things in his world and practically staggered into the living room.
“I need a beer.” But he wouldn’t have one. Not when he needed his senses clear.
“I would have said more like a head check,” Constantine remarked from his spot on the couch. “Is it me, or did you just bring a kid and his mother over for a sleepover?”
“I did.” A sleepover he wasn’t quite invited to.
“I’m a little confused, though. How are you supposed to bang Renny with a kid around?”
Caleb wasn’t even aware he’d moved, and he also didn’t care just how big his little brother was. He hauled him by the shirt off the couch and snarled, “Don’t you fucking disrespect her.”
“I think I’ve got a long ways to go before I catch up to your act, big brother,” Constantine said with a sneer. “Do you even know the meaning of respect?”
“I know enough to tell you that I won’t have you bad-mouthing Renny.”
“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning to say shit about her. But you on the other hand…I will mock you anytime I like. Especially when I have a problem with your screwing up Renny and the boy’s life again.”
“Who says I’m going to screw them?”
“You did once before. I hear it’s easier the second time.”
Easier? Was Constantine nuts? “Nothing about leaving here and her was ever easy. I regretted it every fucking day.”
“And yet you still went. Stayed away for years, not giving a damn about anyone else. Now you come back and you say these pretty words about staying and making up for shit. Can you blame me if I don’t believe you?”
“No. I guess you’ll have to give me time to prove myself.”
“Problem with time is you get a chance to hurt Renny and her boy again.”
“What I do with them is none of your business.”
“I disagree. This is my house, and I’ve got a right to know what the hell is going on. That is my nephew down that hall.” Constantine stabbed a finger in that direction. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit back and let you fuck with him. He doesn’t deserve that, and neither does she.”
“First of all, how many fucking times do I have to say I’m sorry?” It wasn’t easy keeping his voice low and under control, but Caleb tried. The walls of his house weren’t thick, and while the air conditioners in the windows provided a quelling hum, he didn’t need Renny and his son being disturbed by his still prickly relationship with his brother. “I fucked up. Okay? I fucked up large, and I know it’s going to take a lot of apologizing and shit to make people forgive me for it. But I’m trying, dammit.”