It’s okay, Merry. It won’t hurt. It will all be over soon. I didn’t know if I was trying to comfort her or me.
“What the hell they doin’?” the Kid whispered next to me.
“Shut up!” I hissed between clenched teeth. “Unless you want the crap kicked out of you.”
They put Merry on the gurney and hooked her up to the machines. I remembered how young she was, how hard prison was for her. I wondered where Diego and Vijay were. I thought about Robin, how she and Merry had helped me. Glancing over the Kid’s head, I saw Cassie staring somberly at the ring. Her face was still, her eyes heavy with unshed tears.
Merry was scared, her eyes wide with fear. Her fine, mouse-colored hair hung limply over the side of the gurney. She had parents. They didn’t know what had happened to her. Now she was about to die, and they would never know.
“Jesus H. Christ,” the Kid muttered next to me. When his wiry little hand gripped my arm, I took pity on him and let it stay there.
It was the usual, the machines, the injections. I’d seen it several times before, but I wasn’t getting used to it. It was still terrifying. It still made me feel frantic, sick, enraged, and helpless. My throat closed when I saw Merry’s eyes go blank, and I forgot to breathe as her heartbeat flattened out and stopped. I tried to ignore what was happening, tried to think about anything else instead, but found tears spilling out of my eyes and my nose stuffing up. Angrily I wiped my sleeve over my face.
“Every ending is a beginning,” Strepp announced, standing in the center of the ring. “Remember that.”
I’d never hated her more, never wanted to kill her more than right then.
As we got up to file out, Nate suddenly doubled over and threw up. Inmates shrieked and jumped away from him. Cassie patted his back.
“People die in here,” she told him, and the angry, hard tone in her voice didn’t sound like Cassie at all. “People get beaten and tased and broken. Better get used to it—you don’t know how long you have left.”
Nate was heaving and gasping, but managed to straighten up and get back in line just as two guards came over.
“One more thing,” Cassie muttered as we joined the hundreds of other somber kids. “Don’t eat the food. I think it’s drugged. It’s another way for them to control us.”
Next to me, the Kid looked like he was about to pass out. I jabbed him in the ribs and he blinked.
“Wise up, Kid,” I said, not unkindly. “Let’s see how long you last.”
He nodded and looked straight ahead, as did I. We didn’t speak again, and when they locked us back in our room, Cassie and I sat down on the damp concrete and didn’t look at each other. In the darkness I let my tears come again, but kept perfectly silent as the sobs wracked me.
Merry. Merry, like Merry Christmas. Dead.
77
I’D SWORN TO REMEMBER ROBIN forever, and now Merry. How many names would I have to memorize before I either got out of here or got killed myself?
Our new room was so oppressive and horrible that being let into the cheerless “exercise yard” actually seemed like a treat. Bare dirt, chain-link fence topped with electrified razor wire—I was glad to see it.
Of course, it was hard avoiding the Cassie Fan Club when we were outside. As always, people were drawn to her and wanted to be near her. It used to irritate the living daylights out of me. Come to think of it, it still did.
“Jesus, we need two seconds of privacy here,” I muttered as another kid came up to us in the yard.
Cassie looked at me solemnly. “I’m sorry I’m popular.”
I made a face at her and turned away as she dealt with the latest suck-up.
“I’ll come play with you in a couple minutes,” I heard my sister promise, and rolled my eyes.
When she was free we went back to planning.
“I’ve seen the dragonflies in two different halls,” Cassie murmured.
“I saw them in the hall leading to the ring, and in the hall toward the infirmary,” I whispered, then immediately tried not to think about the infirmary. Every so often, when I least expected it, I suddenly flashed on the pain, the terror, the despair of that day. The day when I’d lost the baby I hadn’t wanted and had refused to acknowledge. It had scarred my soul, and that scar would be there till I died.
“But in the actual buildings, I haven’t seen any holes or broken windows,” Cassie went on. “Nowhere they could get in or out.”
“Nowhere who could get in?”
I jumped slightly—hadn’t heard Nathaniel come up behind me. As the Provost’s son and an Outsider, he had finely honed sneaking skills.
“Not who—what,” said Cassie. “Dragonflies. We’ve seen dragonflies in some of the hallways. And if they can get in—”
“Then we can get out,” Nate said, catching on immediately.
“We need to get organized about remembering where we’ve seen them,” I said. “And try to search as many halls as possible.”
“That won’t be easy,” Cassie said. “It’s not like we get a lot of unsupervised wandering time.”
“No,” Nate agreed. “Though this morning I got a tour of the classroom.” He grimaced and I looked at him with sympathy. We’d heard them come for him this morning. More than almost anything, it was being powerless to help others that was making me nuts.
“Once we find a crack in a window somewhere, then what?” I asked impatiently. “Did everyone remember to bring their magic spell so we can just fly out of here?”
“I brought mine,” Nate said seriously.
I gave him a look. “Nate, the last place someone would find a magic spell is Cell B-97-4275.”
“I know a way out,” said the Kid, but of course we all ignored him.
“Okay, everyone scout around as much as possible,” Cassie said. “Tomorrow we’ll meet back here and compare notes.”
“I know a way out,” the Kid said more insistently.
“Did you ever see them in the mess hall?” Cassie asked me.
“I know a way out!” The Kid’s small, pointy chin stuck out aggressively, and he wedged himself between me and Cassie. “’Cause I know how them bugs got in!”
78
CASSIE
I HAD NO IDEA WHERE Nate had found this boy, but he was a character. I’d barely paid attention to him before now—my senses were still all squirrelly over seeing Nate again. On the one hand, I was so, so glad to see him. On the other hand, I was so, so, so bummed that he was in here, and was praying that I wouldn’t have to watch him die.
Now I looked down at the Kid in his heinous yellow jumpsuit—way too big for him, rolled up at the sleeves and ankles.
“Yes?” I said politely, figuring we’d humor him for a minute so we could get back to business.
“Yeah,” he said, sticking his chin higher in the air.
“Okay, I’ll bite,” Becca said, crossing her arms over her chest. “How did the dragonflies get in?”
“There’s a tunnel,” the Kid said.
“A tunnel,” Becca repeated, obviously not believing him.