“I’ll be back,” I repeated, debating if I was really going to do this.
I saw an ATM up the road earlier in the day, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind to stop at it as soon as we walked past it. If it wasn’t so goddamn cold I would never even think about doing this, but we were going to die out here tonight if we didn’t find a warm place to sleep. I pulled out my wallet from my back pocket, opening it up to grab my ATM card. The same one my parents gave me when I left for college. I hadn’t used it once since I left, but at this point what other choice did I have. I pushed the card into the machine, typing in my code and asking for a hundred bucks. That would get us a few rooms at a shitty a model, but at least we would be warm.
I desperately wanted to take a hot shower. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a decent shower. We always washed up in public bathrooms on the road. You didn’t realize the simple luxuries you had until you didn’t have them anymore.
The machine beeped, rejecting my card.
Declined.
“The fuck?”
I grabbed it, shoving it back in. Repeating the same steps.
Declined.
I shook my head, baffled. Leaving the card where it was to find the nearest payphone. I would give my parents the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they thought I would lose it and shut it off to avoid fraud and protect themselves. I could understand that. If that were the case, they would definitely wire me some money if I told them where I was and why I needed it.
No matter what they were still my parents.
“Austin,” I said to the operator, calling my parents collect.
“Austin,” Mom greeted after a few rings. Her voice laced with worry.
“Hey, Ma,” I replied, grateful she was the one that answered.
“Where are you? Are you okay?”
“I’m in Detroit, and I’m fine. It’s just—” She didn't let me finish.
“Come home. Listen, I know it’s been rough for you since the accident, okay? Just come home, honey. We’ll figure it out.”
“Ma, there’s nothing for me to come home to.”
She sighed.
“I promise. I’m fine. I just need you to wire me some money. Trust me, I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t really need it.”
“Austin…”
“Please. I’m in Detroit, and there’s no work. It’s freezing out, and I have nowhere to sleep tonight.”
“Oh, Austin…” She began to sob.
“Ma, I’m fine. I swear. I’ll come home when I’m ready.”
“Where do I wire the money to?”
“There’s a Western Union in—”
“Is that Austin? Wiring what money?” I heard my dad ask in the background.
“Joseph—”
“Give me the phone. Austin?”
“Hey, Dad," I replied calmly, waiting for the wrath of my father.
“Well, look who finally decides to call. Do you have any idea what your mother has been going through? Do you have any idea what you have been putting us through?”
“I’ve been sending postcards, telling you I'm alive and fine."
“That makes it okay? That makes it better? You drop out of college without even discussing it with us and disappear. For months!” he argued.
I leaned my arm and forehead against the payphone. Not wanting to have this fucking conversation. I just needed money this once to survive the night.
“I knew you wouldn’t approve. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“You bet your ass I don’t understand! After everything we have done for you!”
“Dad, I’m fine. I’ll come home when I’m ready to.”
“What are you doing in the meantime, huh? Partying? Wasting your life away? Where are you?”
“I’m in Detroit. I’ve been working and getting by for the last eight months, Dad. Believe it or not, I’m capable of taking care of myself?”
“Then why are you calling? After all this time? Why not just send another postcard.”
I took a deep breath. “It’s freezing out and there’s no work. I tried to use my ATM card but it was denied—”
“Of course it was. I told you. I warned you… I gave you a chance to get your shit together. I’m not going to support you wasting your life away. I cut you off the second you left. You want to fuck up your life then you do it on your own dime. I’m not paying for it.”
My eyes widened, jerking my head back in shock.
“Wow… you didn’t even think I could do it on my own,” I stated as a question. "You’ve never believed in me."
“Why would I? You obviously proved my point or you wouldn’t be calling asking for money. Now would you?”
I scoffed. “Do me a favor, old man, and don’t worry. This won't cost you anything, except your son, which doesn’t seem to matter to you anyway. The next time you wonder where I am… if I’m dead or alive? Just remember this conversation. I have no friends, and now…” I paused to let my words sink in.
“I have no parents.” I hung up.
It fucking killed me to say that to him. At the end of the day they were still my parents, regardless of all the bullshit.