“Maybe you didn’t hear me.” She was fading, fading. It hurt to stand and talk and think. “That’s n-not what I signed up for.”
“Right.” But she must have shown a dent in her armor, because a spark appeared in his eyes. A glimmer of the man she’d spent the day with, laughing and ignoring anything resembling the future. Sarge reached out and cupped her cheek and everything inside her went still. “I know it’s a lot. I just told you I love you. That it’s always been this way. Maybe you’re even right to be scared, Jas, because this love is rough. It’s sharp and sweet and dirty and jealous. It wakes me up in the middle of the night thinking I’m in the wrong place because you’re not there. It believed you were mine before you saw me as a man, and the waiting…the waiting made this love bigger. It’s so big and I understand why that’s scary. I’ve had time to stop being scared of it, and you haven’t.” His hand slipped into Jasmine’s hair, drawing her close so he could brush their mouths together. “I’ll keep waiting. I’ll wait out the fear.”
She couldn’t speak around the crushing sensation behind her ribs, so she simply shook her head, loosening tears that tracked down her cheeks.
The pull between them stole her breath, so intense there didn’t seem any choice but to meet each other halfway. But Sarge tightened his grip on her hair and stepped back, pain evident in his handsome features. “Christmas Eve at the church. Will you be there?”
Two nights away. “Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.” Attention locked on her, Sarge headed for the party room’s back exit, pulling it open and pausing in the doorway. “At the very least, Jasmine, I just need to see you.”
When the door clicked shut, Jasmine fell into the closest folding chair. With the failure of her musical aspirations, getting stuck in a town she’d always imagined in her rear view, Jasmine had always thought of her life as a tragic series of disappointments. But as she sat in the still room listening to the rasp of her own breath, it became obvious she’d never understood tragedy until now. To have a man like Sarge and feel him waiting, feel him wanting, but not answer that call? It might very well stop her heart from beating.
At once, her bones ached. A tapping pain had started behind both eyes, forcing them shut. Home. If she didn’t get home soon, she’d never find the willpower to move again. With a fortifying breath, Jasmine pushed to her feet, leaning down to fix her mussed hair in the reflective metal buffet. Wondering how in God’s name she would talk to anyone and form complete sentences on the other side of the door, Jasmine nonetheless removed the metal chair poised beneath the knob and stepped out into the dim hallway.
Carmine leaned against the wall, tapping an empty beer bottle against his leg. It only took Jasmine half a second to deduce Carmine had been standing there a while. His lecherous grin said it all. Jasmine’s stomach pitched, sending her stumbling forward a step. A yearning for Sarge hit her so fast and hard, a sob bubbled up from her throat. One wish. If she had one wish, Sarge would come thundering down the hallway to fold her up in his arms. But he wouldn’t do that. He’d left. She’d sent him out through the back door like a dirty little secret.
“Saw you head in there with Purcell…he still in there?”
She didn’t bother denying what Carmine had seen. “No.”
His laugh was vulgar, making her feel even more exposed. “Seriously, Jasmine? I had no idea you liked your men so young. Guess my chances would have been shitty even if you didn’t keep yourself locked up like a nun.” He rubbed his whiskered chin. “Well. From me, anyway.”
A burn started in her belly, spearing up to her throat. “Is that all you were waiting out here to tell me? Do you feel better now?”
“God.” He kicked off the wall to face her. “Since day one, you’ve always thought you were so much better than us.” When he gestured to the back room, the remains of his beer sloshed onto the floor. “Look what happens when you aim too high. The guy couldn’t get out of here fast enough.”
Even though it wasn’t the truth, Jasmine’s skin pulled tight. Just at the very idea of Sarge wanting to get away from her. Wasn’t that her greatest fear when it came to being with him? “Are you finished?”
“How long do you think it would take before he found someone…younger?” Having reached his apparent point, Carmine’s mouth tilted up on one end. “Probably won’t even take him the walk home.”