Cowboy Up (Coming Home #3)

“Fair enough, darlin’.”

I walk to the fridge and grab a beer, looking over my shoulder and holding the bottle up to silently ask if she’d like one as well. Her dark brown hair moves around her face like a sleek curtain when she gives a tiny nod. I reach in the fridge to grab another one before walking back to my spot. I keep my eyes on hers as I twist the top off, placing the open bottle between us for her to take. When she reaches for it, I keep my hand in her way long enough for hers to graze mine, wanting to know if I feel the sparking burn of awareness I felt back in Mav and Leigh’s barn. She licks her lips at the same time that sensation lights a fire across my fingertips, and I know I’m not the only one who feels it. She takes a small sip before placing her bottle softly in front of her and folding her hands on top of each other to wait. I make quick work of opening my own before taking a deep pull.

It probably isn’t wise to tell the woman I’m hoping to get to know better about my past relationships. Especially when the one she’s asking about is the very reason I’ve sworn never to get close to a woman again. I probably would’ve kept living like I have been until the day I died, too, had I not run into Caroline today.

“Five or hell, maybe closer to six years ago, I was datin’ someone seriously enough that we had that discussion most couples have at some point about their future. She wanted my ring on her finger and didn’t have any problems lettin’ me know it. You can imagine it wasn’t pleasant when she heard how I felt about gettin’ hitched. I explained that I didn’t want the same things she did and likely never would.” I take another large swallow of beer, and she keeps staring at me with open interest.

“My future was here on the ranch. I had responsibilities bigger than she understood and plans to make this place somethin’ different than my father had. My pops was still around then, and I hadn’t taken full control yet. He wasn’t the hard man he had been my whole life at that point, seein’ as his health was gettin’ worse, but he wasn’t willin’ to give up his control over the ranch. He didn’t agree with my vision for things and I knew better than to argue with Buford Davis. But I knew one day I’d be in charge and until then, I was goin’ to focus on makin’ sure this place was the best it could be. On top of workin’ from sunup to sundown, I was also still runnin’ the books for the auto shop. My plate was full and my plans didn’t include addin’ a wife while I was spread so thin, and, to be honest, it was gonna take someone a lot different than her to change my views on marriage. I made clear that I wasn’t gonna give her a ring anytime soon—if at all.”

“But you stayed with her even though you couldn’t see that for y’all’s future?”

I nod. “I did. I’m not exactly proud of the fact, but despite how I felt about marryin’ her, I was still immature enough to enjoy what she did give me. Not to long after that talk, she brought it up again, only this time she mentioned babies. I think she knew after that she was tryin’ for somethin’ I wasn’t ever gonna give her.”

“Marriage or babies?” Caroline asks, tilting her head slightly.

“Both, I reckon. I wasn’t ignorant to the negatives of both in my life at that point. I hadn’t ever had any good examples of relationships enough to see marriage as somethin’ worth havin’. The second I found out how much she wanted babies, though, I knew we were drivin’ on two separate roads that would never meet.”

“Because you don’t like kids?” she asks with a frown.

This is the most unconventional first-date conversation, I’m sure, but nothing about how I met this woman has been ordinary, so I shouldn’t be surprised. And, if I’m honest with myself, she should know about my history with Jess before someone in town fills her in, especially if we’re gonna continue exploring this thing between us. Seeing that I plan on continuing, I want her to hear it from me. There’s no doubt, with her mama bein’ who she is, that she’ll find out sooner rather than later, and I want her knowing my side of it before the bullshit rumors hit.

“Long story short, I found her sittin’ on the floor in my room one day not long after that with a pile of condoms in her lap and my bedside drawer wide open. Who knows how long she’d been pokin’ holes in those condoms, somethin’ I probably never would’ve known about if I hadn’t come home to change the pants I tore open on some barbed wire. Lady Luck did me a favor. We had words. She tried to lie her way through the impossible until she changed tactics and broke down. Tried to explain herself and her actions, but how the hell can you justify that kind of shit? She went on and on with that bullshit until she finally dropped the act and got pissed instead. One second she was cryin’ all over me, the next she was rantin’ and ravin’ about how she had been flushin’ her pills for months, but when that didn’t work—because I wouldn’t ever fuck her bare—she started the condom shit. I don’t think she ever cared enough about me to respect what I had told her I wanted, or maybe she didn’t give a shit about me at all and only wanted what bein’ a Davis gave her. She craved my name and the money that came with it more than she wanted my baby, but figured gettin’ one was her ticket to try hookin’ both those things at once.”

“Wow,” Caroline breathes the second I stop speaking. “That’s some crazy stuff, but I’m sorry that happened to you. No one should force you to do somethin’ you don’t want to do.”

And she just continues to shock me. I expected her to push me on why I had felt so strongly against marriage and children—that’s what everyone else does when they find out why Jess and I split—but she heard my story and accepted my words with nothing but support and understanding. If this isn’t just more proof she’s someone worth . . . more, I don’t know what is. If we come to be something more than two people exploring each other, I’ll have to give her that, but it feels damn good to have her accept and support my feelings with no further explanation needed.

“We all have ugly in our past, sweetness. You just have to realize it was really life teachin’ you a lesson. When you find something that finally proves all that ugly was worth survivin’, it doesn’t look so bad when you see what kinda reward you get in the end.”