Taking the spot beside her, I rest the back of my head on my hands and stare up at an endless black sky and a vision of stars. Years ago, I’d have thought it was a beautiful sight. Now it just reminds me of how small and insignificant we all are in this world.
“I wish you could’ve met my dad.” Leighton muses. “I wish more people could’ve known him. He was only in his thirties when he died.” I feel her look toward me. “He was the nicest person in the whole world. He’d do anything for anyone and he never expected a single thing in return. Kind of like you.” She sighs, turning her attention skyward again. “Anyway, being out here and looking at the sky makes me think of him, wondering what he’s doing right now and if he’s thinking of me too.”
I know the feeling.
“He brought out the best in everyone,” she says. “Especially my mother. She wasn’t herself unless he was around. After he died, she was never the same. When we moved in with my grandma, I had to step up. I was fifteen, taking care of my little brother and sister.” Her voice trails. “Mom loved to drink. That’s how she dealt with the loss. After we lost Dad, she said it felt like someone had ripped her heart clean out of her without any warning, and drinking was the only way to fill up that empty spot so full she didn’t notice it was missing anymore.”
“That sounds about right.”
“Anyway, my brother and sister grew up resenting me. I was the one making sure they did their homework and went to bed at a good time,” she says. “My grandma tried, but they never listened to her. And my mom was never coherent enough to do anything about it. For the longest time, my sister hated me. We’re okay now. But my brother doesn’t really have much to do with any of us. Not sure why. I guess dysfunction affects everyone differently.” She turns to me. “Are you close with your parents?”
I shake my head. “I never knew my parents. Seth’s family adopted me out of foster care when I was thirteen, though I suspect they were mostly looking for free labor on the farm.”
“That’s terrible.”
“It is what it is.”
“Do you speak to them now?” she asks.
“They passed a couple years ago.”
“I’m sorry,” she says, placing her hand on mine.
I shake my head. “I’m not. You think Seth turned out the way he was by accident?”
Leighton says nothing, and maybe she thinks I’m coldhearted and unappreciative, but she didn’t grow up with the McCrays.
“Seth was threatened by me,” I say. “He did everything in his power to ensure his parents saw him as the golden child. By the time they died, we weren’t exactly on speaking terms. He had them convinced I was some kind of dangerous monster. They were fucking afraid of me.”
“My god.”
“They left everything to him,” I say. “But I didn’t care. I didn’t need their money anyway. That’s how he bought the bar. And his house. And the fleet of vehicles that are clearly his way of compensating for … something.”
Leighton laughs, rolling to her stomach and propping her chin on her hand. “This is the most I’ve ever heard you talk. I like it.”
Leaning on my side, I meet her star-struck gaze. “Let’s not make it a big deal.”
“But it is a big deal. You’re opening up to me,” she says. “When was the last time you opened up to anyone?”
I shake my head. “A while ago.”
“You make me feel like an open book,” she says, looking at me with stars in her eyes and exhaling slowly, like we’ve got all the time in the world. “I feel like I can tell you anything and you won’t judge me.”
“I’ve never been keen on judging others.”
“You’re a good man, River.” Her mouth pulls into a close-lipped smile. “And I love your heart.”
Warmth spreads over me as I let her words sink in.
Allison used to say those very words to me, back when we first met.
I love your heart…
Until I met Allison, I always thought I was unlovable. I never believed there was anyone out there for me or that I deserved anyone. Growing up with Seth as an older brother didn’t exactly set me up for success, and I did some things I’d never forgive myself for.
And then I met Ally.
She convinced me I had a heart worth loving, and the day I vowed to spend the rest of my life with her was one of the best days of my life.
Allison made me forget how unworthy I was. She made me forget the fact that nobody wanted me and nobody cared … because she wanted me. She cared.
“I really like spending time with you,” Leighton says. “And for the record, I do consider you a friend. Even if you don’t feel the same.”
My mouth tugs up at one side, and I force a tight laugh through my nose.
“Did you … did you just laugh?” Leighton points.
“No.”
“Yes, you did.” Her pretty mouth is pulled ear to ear. “I think we’re making a breakthrough here. You’re talking … laughing … actively participating in this crazy little thing called life …”
“Why don’t you go back to counting stars or whatever the hell you were doing before.”
“Because you’re much more fascinating than all the stars in the sky,” she says, reaching her hand toward my face and tickling her fingertips around my ear. Her smile fades and our eyes meet. “I could kiss you right now if I thought you could handle it.”
Her tongue drags along her bottom lip and her hand pulls away from my face. There’s a moment to be seized, an opportunity to capture, and it’s slipping away before my very eyes.
Reaching for Leighton, I pull her over top of me, cupping her pretty face in my hands. Her jaw falls before morphing into an amused chuckle, and she presses her palms along my chest.
“What’s this?” she asks.
I sit up, keeping her legs straddled around my hips, and I bring my mouth to hers, soft and slow, gentle and unhurried.
She tastes like spearmint and smells like a dream. Her skin is cashmere beneath my fingertips, her hair pure silk.
My heart gallops in my chest, a glaring reminder that I’m still here. I’m not dead … yet. And I’ve still got a life to live.
Leighton’s body melts against mine, her hips grinding as I kiss her soft lips and graze my tongue against hers.
“You’re not going to stop this time, are you?” she asks, breathless, her fingertips caressing the nape of my neck.
“Never.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Leighton
River’s hands grip my ass as he carries me down the dock and back to his truck. Country music croons softly from his speakers as my legs slide down his sides and he presses me against the lowered tailgate, bringing his mouth against mine again.
There’s something special in the way he kisses me, something that makes time stand still and the past nonexistent.
His hand cups my jaw, and his tongue glides between my lips, sending a flutter to my chest that could easily bring me to my knees.
River lifts me, placing me on the tailgate and standing between my legs. His hands tug at the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head with impatient intention. When his fingers work to remove my bra, I know this is happening.
He’s not going to stop.
There’s no turning back.
This is real.