“Thanks, Sis. Holler if you need me,” she told me as she headed down the hall toward Maverick’s room.
The bar was completely empty, making me feel a little lonesome as I started filling the cooler with beer. I’d unloaded three cases when my curiosity finally got the best of me. I’d had Clutch’s letter for almost a week. Cotton had given it to me the night he’d left, but I was too hurt, too angry to even consider reading it at the time. Clutch had been such a wonderful friend, and I couldn’t imagine why he’d leave without saying anything to me. I needed to know, and the only way I was ever going to know was to read the letter he’d written. I reached into my purse, pulled out the small, white envelope, and opened it. I stared at the words for several minutes before I actually read what they said.
Hey there, beautiful,
I guess you’re pretty upset with me right now. Can’t say that I blame you. I wanted to come to you and tell you I was leaving, but I knew you’d ask me to stay. I couldn’t take the risk. I knew if you asked me not to leave, I’d never have the strength to go. I needed to do this, Cass. I screwed up. I fell for the wrong girl.
I always thought it was funny how you thought I had all these women I was stringing along, but I never did. Since the day I met you, there’s been no one who could hold a candle to you. I knew you were in love with Cotton, but I kept lying to myself. I kept telling myself it didn’t matter, that being your friend was enough to get me by, but I was wrong. I couldn’t do it, and now I have to find a way to make peace with the fact I can’t have you.
Cotton’s a good man. He loves you, and I know he’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. I want that for you. I want you to have all the happiness in the world, so don’t let me down. Keep smiling that beautiful smile, keep singing those amazing songs you sing, and keep making the world turn on its axis every time you walk into a room.
I’ll be back someday, but for now, I want you to know that I love you. A part of me always will. Forgive me for leaving like this and please try to understand why I had to go.
Clutch
I didn’t know. I felt like such an idiot, but I just didn’t know. Guilt washed over me as I stared at the words written in the letter, and my lungs tightened as I began to cry. My eyes blurred with tears as I read over it again and again, feeling the pain in his heart as I read it, and I wanted to kick myself for not realizing I’d been hurting him. My heart was so wrapped up in Cotton that I never even realized Clutch had those kinds of feelings for me. I knew our friendship was different than most, but … Damn. I was such an idiot. I hated myself for being so blind. Clutch meant the world to me, and my foolishness forced him away. I wanted to call him, plead with him to come back home, but I couldn’t do that to him. He needed time away, and I had to respect him enough to give it to him.
It’d been almost an hour since I’d read the letter when Cotton walked into the bar. Even though I was no longer crying, the minute he saw my face, he knew something was wrong. He quickly locked the main door and started walking toward me, only stopping when he was standing directly in front of me, and asked, “What happened?”
I shook my head and said, “I’m fine, Cotton. I’m a total idiot, but I’m fine.”
“Are you going to tell me why you’ve been crying?”
I pointed to the letter on the counter and said, “I finally read it. Did you know how he felt?”
“Not until recently, but yeah. I knew,” he confessed. “Hit him hard. I hated he decided to leave, but I understood why he felt like he needed to go.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me know I was the reason he left?”
“Would it have changed anything?” he asked.
My eyes dropped to the floor as I answered, “No. Probably not, but I could’ve told him I was sorry.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Cass. Shit happens, and sometimes the heart wants what the heart can’t have.”
“It’s not exactly that easy, and you know it.”
“It’s easy to love you, Cass. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were others out there pining away after you. It’s sad, really. I kind of feel sorry for them,” he chuckled.
“Whatever,” I laughed. “I guess I’ll give them all a break while we’re in New York.”
“I guess you will,” he chuckled. “I’m looking forward to having you all to myself for a little while.”