I turned my head, seeing the sunlight shining through the windows out of the corner of my eye. Gritting my teeth, I turned back to her again. I wasn’t ready for the day to start. I wasn’t ready for the night to be over.
The edges of her feet and calves had smudges of dirt. Her hair was matted with a bit of the dark soil from the catacombs as well, and I knew she had bruises on her hips from our round two down there.
Bending her over that table had been nice.
Her wrists had a burn from the string I’d wrapped around them, and I could make out the small red mark where I’d bitten her jaw. I didn’t think I’d done it that hard, but she had the mark to prove it.
And she’d never looked sexier. Ever.
Her clothes lay in a filthy heap on the floor, including the lacy pink panties I’d had so much fun removing, and I dropped my eyes, wanting nothing more than to stop time.
I’d never been with a woman that fed my lust like she had. I’d never role-played, worn my mask, played games, or anything like that with anyone. Fuck, feed, kiss, lick, moan, pump, come, and repeat. I’d gotten so fucking lost.
But Rika was...
I leaned back in the chair, running my hand through my hair and unable to take my eyes off of her.
She said she didn’t trust me, but I knew it was a lie. I’d be willing to bet I was the one person she trusted the most.
She and I were the same, after all. We fought shame every day, struggling with who we could let see the real us, and we’d finally found each other.
Unfortunately…we were fucked.
My phone buzzed from its charger on the nightstand, and I closed my eyes, trying to ignore it.
I wasn’t ready.
I wanted to draw the blinds, pick her up, and put her in a bath. I wanted to see her ride me out by the pool and play more games with her. I wanted to pretend that I wasn’t missing practice right now, that my friends weren’t waiting for me…and that Rika’s world wasn’t about to fall apart.
But my phone buzzed again, and I leaned forward, burying my head in my hands.
Rika.
The walls were closing in.
I shouldn’t be able to look at her. I shouldn’t love to touch her, and I shouldn’t need to feel her wrapped around my cock every second since I’d first had her last night.
She wasn’t mine. She would never be mine.
And I shouldn’t want her.
I stood up and walked over to the bed, leaning down and studying her pretty face.
Fuck you, Rika.
Fuck you. I can’t choose you. Why did you do this to me?
I turned my head, reaching over to the nightstand and taking my phone. I had several missed calls, but I didn’t bother listening to the voicemails or checking texts.
I just typed one to Kai instead.
Finish it.
And I straightened, glaring down at her as I set the phone back down.
Now it was done. And there was no going back.
Three Years Ago
I TURNED INTO THE GRAVEL PARKING LOT, the night lit up with the headlights of all the other partiers arriving. The warehouse had been abandoned long ago, but since it hadn’t been slotted for use or torn down yet, we confiscated it every chance we got to let loose and raise a little hell.
People brought kegs and liquor, and the town’s wannabe youth DJs set up their systems, filling the night with rage and noise so loud we couldn’t think even if we wanted to.
This was what I’d been waiting for.
Sure, I wanted to see how she’d hang with my friends. Could she keep up? Could she even manage to make a dent in our world?
But what I really wanted was to get her away from my family, her mother, Trevor, and to just see her relax. I wanted to see who she was when she stopped caring what everyone else thought or expected of her.
When she finally realized that my opinion was the only one that mattered.
And even though she was always the one to watch me as we grew up, that didn’t mean I wasn’t always aware of her, either.
I still remembered the day she was born. Sixteen years, eleven months, and eighteen days ago. That crisp November morning when my mother let me hold her and then my father immediately took her out of my arms and laid her next to Trevor, who was just a baby then, too.
Even at three I understood. She was Trevor’s.
And I just sat there, wanting her back, wanting to see the baby and wanting to be included in the fun, but I didn’t dare approach my father. He would’ve pushed me away.
So I didn’t care. I made sure never to care.
So many times growing up I tore my eyes away from her. I made sure not to think about it when she and Trevor hung out or had classes together because they were the same age, and I made sure not to notice her in a room or feel her next to me. I made sure not to talk to her too much or be too nice and let her in.
She was too young.
We didn’t travel in the same circles.
My father would force me away from her. He took away everything that made me happy. Why bother?
And when those excuses ate me up inside and turned anger into resentment and resentment into hatred, the day finally came when I really didn’t care anymore.