If I’d just fucking stayed away, I wouldn’t have learned what her goddamn earrings meant, I never would’ve suspected she had the cutest, catchiest laugh, I never would’ve buried my fingers inside her or tasted champagne straight from her tongue. I never would’ve thought I might actually stand a chance. But now I knew all of that, and it made the realization that I still didn’t stand a chance all that much harder to swallow.
Stumbling from the room, I hit the still-quiet corridor and kept walking until I reached the door to a rear service exit of the building. Cold January air immediately filled my lungs, and I sucked it in hard, grateful for the sting it brought to my senses. A trio of waitstaff paused their smoke break to glance curiously at me. I nodded before turning in the opposite direction and pacing away for my own privacy.
Then I set my hands on my hips and bent at the waist, blowing out a long deep breath and causing a little vapor cloud to float up around me.
My arousal finally began to subside; the freezing air slapping against my bare chest helped. I straightened and shrugged on my jacket, wondering where my bow tie had gone. Thank God Brandt had forgone vests or cummerbunds when he’d rented our outfits; he was already going to kill me for losing my bow tie and the buttons off my shirt. He’d threatened me within an inch of my life not to spill anything on my tux when he’d handed it over to me earlier to wear. I couldn’t imagine how he was going to react to this.
And why the fuck was I worrying about his reaction to a ruined rented suit?
It was his fault I’d just experienced one of the worst moments of my life.
I felt like a fucking idiot. In the space of an hour—two, tops—I’d developed an extreme fixation on the girl who was hot for my big brother.
Who the fuck did that?
“Hey, man,” a voice called, dragging me from my whirling thoughts. I glanced over to find the reception workers now huddled at the back door. “This door locks from the outside,” the only guy in the group called. “And our break’s up, so if you want back in…”
I waved them off. “Thanks. I’ll just walk around to the front when I’m ready to go back.”
I certainly wasn’t ready to go anywhere at the moment.
They shrugged and disappeared into the building.
Jamming my hands into my pockets, I glanced up at a nearby streetlight, wondering how I was supposed to return to the reception anyway, with my shirt hanging open like this. But before my fingers slid too deep, I encountered damp cloth.
Shit. Her panties.
I pulled them out of my pocket and gaped at them in horror. I couldn’t keep them now, not when they only brought a pain-filled regretful memory. But when I glanced toward the dumpster only a few feet away, my fingers tightened around them protectively, unable to give them up.
An ironic snort left me.
I guess they were my consolation prize.
A consolation prize for the consolation prize.
Jesus, this was pathetic.
I didn’t want to hurt like this, didn’t want to keep replaying it over and over in my head, didn’t want to stick around out here, stuck in my own pity party.
So I liked a girl more than she liked me. Wasn’t the first time, probably wouldn’t be the last. I could deal with this. I’d only gotten to know her for a little while, anyway. We were still basically strangers. I didn’t need to mope around because I’d lost something I’d never even had.
But there was no way I was going back inside to that reception, especially when I knew she’d be there, all slick and bare under that dress…as she gazed longingly at my brother.
Yeah, fuck that.
With a new purpose, I started around the back of the building to the side where I remembered parking my truck. Just as my ride came into view and I slipped my keys from my pocket, my phone buzzed inside my jacket.
Gritting my teeth, I groaned as I pulled it free to check the text I’d just been sent. If Brandt or someone else was beckoning me back inside, I wouldn’t be able to go.
But it was from Noel, thank God.
With a sigh, I pressed the phone to my forehead and closed my eyes. While I was delighted for a legitimate reason to leave, going home to deal with that didn’t sound very appealing either.
But family needed me, and I couldn’t ignore the summons.
I fumbled with my keys to find the right fob, only for my vision to blur and everything to duplicate before my eyes. Damn, I wasn’t as sober as I needed to be.
In no condition to drive, I glanced around the parking lot and tried to calculate how long it’d take me to walk home when I caught sight of a couple exiting the building. The man carried a baby carrier down at his side while the woman next to him held a sleeping boy propped on her hip, his head resting on her shoulder.
I watched them until she caught sight of me. Her welcoming smile glinted from the streetlamps overhead and immediately made me feel comforted. But then, Felicity Parker always had that effect on me; it’s probably why I’d been in love with her since I was ten.