“Conceited much?” I murmured, though I didn’t think I’d ever loved him as much as I did in that moment. I’d just survived the worst three days of my life and there he sat, making me smile, genuinely smile.
Tears filled my eyes, and they weren’t distressed tears...or at least, they weren’t all distressed tears. I was just so happy and grateful to be alive, out of that hole, and with him again.
More tears flooded my cheeks. My chin quivered because I tried so hard to stop them but couldn’t. “I love you so much,” I sobbed.
His expression broke. “Jesus, baby doll,” he rasped before his features contorted with pain and his eyes went wet. He pressed his forehead to mine and seemed to breathe warmth into me. “I love you too. So fucking much.”
I cupped his cheek but was startled by the prickle of stubble. When I pulled my hand back, I studied this new look on him, blinking. “You haven’t shaved.”
He gave a watery laugh and wiped at his face. “Shaving was kind of the last thing on my mind after you went missing.”
I brought my fingers back to his cheek. “I kind of like it.”
Closing his eyes, he pressed his cheek deeper into my palm. “Then I’ll keep it this way.”
Studying his eyes further when he reopened them, I frowned. They were bloodshot and the bags under them seemed to be growing bags of their own. “When was the last time you slept?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you understand, baby doll. You went missing. Totally fucking missing. No one knew where you were, who had taken you, if you were okay, or...” His voice cracked. “Or if you were even alive. It scared the shit out of me. I didn’t do much of anything but freak the fuck out while you were gone.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, wishing I could take away his anguish.
He blinked at me as if he couldn’t believe I would ever say that to him. “You’re sorry?” he spat incredulously. “You don’t have a single thing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve been sitting here, whining about how scared I’ve been when you’re the one who just went through hell and back, and it was my fault he chose you. He—”
“How was that your fault?” I shook my head, confused.
“You told me to walk away that night.” Grief filled his face. “When I got into the fight with him.” He motioned to his black eye to remind me. “You told me to let it go. But I didn’t. And he ended up going to jail because I wouldn’t leave when you suggested it. And when he got out, he went after you because of me.”
“Colton, baby.” I stroked his newly roughened cheek gently. “Stop being a dumbass. He chose me because he was a racist son of a bitch who let his misery morph into hatred. He was just looking for a reason to snap. It was going to happen whether he ever met us or not. He was going to take some girl no matter what.”
He shook his head and huffed out a quiet sound of disagreement. “That’s what your dad said. But I still can’t help wishing he had taken someone else.”
My smile was full of agony. “Me too.”
As I watched him wipe his eyes, the last few days hit me all over again like a lead anvil.
“I can’t believe I...” A numb kind of shock filled me and I looked up at the ceiling, not sure what to feel. “I killed someone,” I stated aloud as if I needed to hear the words to really experience them. Never in my life had I thought I’d ever have the need or ability to murder. And yet I had.
It felt so unreal. When it finally hit me—I mean, really sank in—that I’d taken someone’s life, I was probably going to need a lot of therapy.
Colton began to stroke my arm. “I hate, absolutely hate, that you had to do that, but I’m glad you did. I’m glad you did whatever you had to do to stay alive, so you could make it back to me again, because the truth is, I’m not even remotely equipped to live without you right now.”
“But—” I started.
“No buts.” He set his fingers to my lips. “You did your part to make it back to me, now it’s my turn to step up to the plate and keep you here. I’m going to help you deal with this and get past it. We’re a team, remember. We’ll figure everything out together.”
“Okay,” I whispered. And for me, that was enough. It was everything I needed. “Thank you.”
Three Weeks Later
I woke with my nose pressed against Colton’s neck and my legs entwined with his. I’d been sleeping on top of him like this every night for the last week. Since I was a stomach sleeper and he was a back sleeper, it actually worked out better than you’d think. And believe it or not, he was way more comfortable than my mattress.
He’d stayed with me since I’d been discharged from the hospital. I’d had a couple nightmares but nothing as bad as what I’d had as a kid. My dream catcher, rabbit’s foot, monster repellent, and Colton himself had helped keep most of them at bay.
Today was a big day. I planned to return to college classes for the first time since the incident.