Confessions of a Domestic Failure

My body stiffened. It took everything not to run out of the room and call David immediately. What did she mean he didn’t get the account? And he told his mom, but not me?

“Oh, I must have confused them for another company. My mind is so jumbled these days.” I slowly pulled my phone out of my pocket. “Excuse me. I’m just going to check on how the home makeover is going.”

I ducked into the kitchen and fired off a quick text to David. Did you lose the DentaFresh pitch and not tell me but tell YOUR MOM?

I slid my phone back into my pocket. I walked calmly back into the living room and sat back down.

Gloria cleared her throat. “How is that...bootcamp going? Is it helping much?”

Why didn’t she just say “Is it helping you be less of a screwup?” That’s what she meant, I was sure.

“I’m actually learning a lot,” I said flatly. I’d hoped not offering any other details would mean the end of the conversation. I was more than happy to sit in silence on my phone, like I do at home while Aubrey slept.

“You could have just come to me, of course. I can teach you everything you need to know about raising kids.”

“Yes, you’re very knowledgeable.” I smiled tightly. In my pocket, my phone buzzed.

I discreetly pulled it out. On the screen was a text from David.

I was going to talk to you about it tonight. I didn’t think she’d say anything. Sorry.

That’s all he had to say for himself?

Is everything going to be ok? I texted.

“Tell David I say hi,” sang Gloria.

I looked up and smiled.

We’ll talk about it later, he texted back.

I tucked my phone away again.

“I think I heard Aubrey. I’d better check on her,” I lied, standing up.

“Feel free to lie down in the guest bedroom if you’d like. You should always sleep when the baby sleeps.”

I took her up on the offer and, after peeking in on a peacefully sleeping Aubrey, fell into an exhausted sleep in the Caribbean-themed guest bedroom.

I woke up to Gloria gently whispering my name. “Ashley. Ashley. David is here to pick you up.”

My head swam. What day was it? What time? Where was I?

Gloria read my mind. “It’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon. Aubrey woke up an hour ago and we’ve been playing. I didn’t want to wake you.”

Bless her for that. I must have been exhausted. I rubbed my eyes and reluctantly lifted my head from the soft palm-tree-printed pillow.

“Thanks, Gloria,” I said, putting on my shoes. “I really appreciate it.”

Gloria sat next to me on the bed. “Don’t be mad at David for not telling you. He probably just didn’t want you to worry.”

This wasn’t a conversation I felt comfortable having. “I know.”

“Maybe he’d feel more comfortable talking to you if you didn’t seem so angry all the time...”

I felt my heart skip a beat.

“Angry?”

“Yes, he says you’re always upset and stressed.”

I turned to face her. “He talks about me?” My blood began boiling.

“Just a little. I am his mother.”

And he’s still your baby boy, apparently.

I couldn’t hold back my emotions, they were coming at me faster than I could screen them. “I appreciate you letting me sleep, but please stay out of my marriage.”

Gloria sputtered. “I didn’t get into your marriage. David brought me in when he couldn’t talk to you...”

“Well,” was all I managed to say. With that I stood up and began walking toward the door. I didn’t want to be rude but angry tears had already sprung into my eyes and I wanted to hang on to the few shreds of dignity I had left.

My legs were still struggling to wake up as I made my way down the stairs, and I tripped a little on the bottom step. David’s arm reached out to steady me.

“Hi, Ashley! Did you sleep well?” He was grinning and holding a contented Aubrey.

I shot daggers at him with my eyes. “So you think I’m always angry?”

David shot a pleading glance up the stairs to where his mom was standing.

“She can’t save you now.” I picked up Aubrey’s bag and walked out the door to wait in the car.

When David finished buckling Aubrey into her seat, he turned to me. “Ashley, I just—”

I put up a hand. “Don’t. I’m not talking to you with your mom watching from the window.” I turned toward the house, and sure enough a drape fell where Gloria had been watching.

“Okay, fine.” David turned over the ignition.

When we were a block away, I unleashed.

“How dare you discuss our marriage with your mom? And tell her about the DentaFresh account before me, knowing I was spending the day here? You made me look like an idiot. An angry idiot.”

David kept his eyes on the road and struggled to find the words. “I was just stressed and needed someone to talk to, Ashley...”

“The person you talk to is me. Not your mom.”

“I’d love to talk to you but you’re either complaining, frustrated, angry at me or exhausted from Aubrey,” he spit out.

“And you’re not preoccupied at all? You’re at work almost all the time and when you’re home, you’re relaxing from work. Do you see me ever relaxing? That nap I had was the best rest I’ve gotten in months.”

David erupted. “Yes, I know! You hate your life. I’m failing at work and I’m failing to make you happy. I get it, Ashley! Okay?”

He was practically shaking. I sat, shocked, staring at him.

“I don’t...” I put a hand on his on the steering wheel. “I don’t hate my life... I’m just stressed. And you’re not failing...”

David was quiet for a moment. “Yes, I am, Ashley. We lost the DentaFresh account. It’s over. We’re going to have to sell the house.”

I felt the wind get knocked out of me. I knew things were hard but I didn’t know they were that bad. Sell the house? Where would we live? My blood ran cold. The furniture bill. I still hadn’t told him about the $8,000.

I took a deep breath. “David, I have something to tell you.”

He turned to glance at me. “What is it?”

“The home makeover... I thought I spent a grand on the furniture...”

David clenched his teeth. “Ashley, we don’t have an extra thousand!”

I kept going, determined. “But I really spent $8,000. I put it on my credit card. It’s nonrefundable.” It was true. It was in the fine print.

David slammed the steering wheel with his hand. “Dammit, Ashley! That’s our entire savings. It was going to help us find a rental if we move.”

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

David’s shoulders hunched over in utter defeat. “If I don’t get another account, we won’t be able to afford a rental. We’ll probably have to stay with my mom for a while.”

My stomach flip-flopped. “With your mom? For how long?”

“A few months. Hopefully.”

We didn’t speak for the rest of the ride home.

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