Moments between a man and a woman.
Moments that seem so long ago but at the same time, I can never forget, because we had them. I cling to those moments because I never want to forget them. When I see the man—the president—I want to remember what his chest feels like under his tie and suit, all that power rippling in his muscles. I want to remember the size of him, when he’s joined to me, as big as the name he now wears, and I want to remember what it felt like to have him come inside me. I never want to forget the sound of his voice in the dark, when nobody is watching, and how tender it sounds.
I don’t want to forget that for a little while, Matt Hamilton—forty-sixth president of the United States—was mine.
I head back to my apartment to shower and blow-dry my hair and prep for tonight.
I spent the last two months in Europe. It was freezing cold and we spent more time at the hotel than touring, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t in the United States, the country I love, close to the man I love, simply because I needed to heal.
I didn’t want to be tempted to call. I was afraid if I stayed, I’d see him in every headline; that the very air in D.C. would smell of him. That I’d bump into him or simply have too many memories everywhere I went to be able to breathe right. Europe was good. It centered me, and yet I was anxious to come back home. I couldn’t bring myself not to be home by the time Matt had his Inauguration Day.
I told Kayla I fell in love with him while campaigning. I didn’t give her more details. She pressed, but I didn’t budge. I understand now that when you’re as high-profile a person as Matt is, you cannot trust even those you’re supposed to trust. Not with everything. I’m afraid one drunken night she’d spill the beans of the affair. So I kept it to myself and nursed it quietly in my heart, even as Kayla kept telling me that it was a crush and I’d get over it in Paris, the city of love.
I didn’t.
My heart hurts right now no matter how much I will it to stay strong.
God.
How will I bear to look him in the eye tonight?
He will see right through me.
I’m hoping that with the several balls going on, his visit to the one I’m attending will be brief. That we’ll just say a quick hello and he’ll have to continue down the line of people eager to greet their new president.
Still, I dress with the same care that a bride might on her wedding day.
I’m seeing the man I love, and it might be the last time, and the girl inside me wants him to remember me looking as stunning as I can possibly look.
As desirable as he previously found me to be.
I brush my red hair and let it fall down my shoulders. I go for a strapless blue dress that matches my eyes. I paint my lips a deep shade of red, and I ask my mother if I can borrow my grandmother’s fur coat. I’ve never bought a single fur thing in my life due to animal cruelty—but that coat has sentimental value to me, and it’s freezing outside.
My parents are attending a different ball than I am. “You really should consider coming with us,” my mother said this morning.
“I’m going with Alison—she’s the new White House photographer and she’s got to be at this event to capture the moment.”
“Oh, all right. Charlotte?”
“Yes?”
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
I knew what she was asking. She knows that there was something between Matthew and me, though I never gave her details. She knows I fell in love—and having a daughter in love with the hot, young president is enough to make any concerned mother worry.
Emotion makes it difficult to speak, but I nod, then I realize my mother cannot see me. “Yes.”
I know it won’t be easy. But I need to see him today.
I want to congratulate him. I want him to know that I’m okay, that I’m proud of him, that I’m going to move forward, and that I want him to do the same.
2
INAUGURAL BALL
Matt
“President Hamilton. Mr. President.”
I pull my gaze to the man drawing my attention. I’m at the luncheon, and my damn mind keeps wandering to tonight.
“I apologize; it’s been a long day already.” I grin and run my hand restlessly along the back of my hair, leaning to speak to the Senate majority leader.
It’s incredible how we never rest. Even at social events, we’re discussing policy.
I try to pick the brains of most men there; it’s in my and the country’s best interest that my ideas for change are aligned with those of Congress and the Senate. Whether they’ll be easy to align remains to be seen.
“I asked if the first bill on your agenda will be the clean energy bill?”
“It’s one of my priorities, but not necessarily at the top,” is all I give him for now.