I don’t respond. I take a few deep breaths, grab hold of the bars above me, and prepare to push off backward. Before the buzzer sounds, I look for the Make Waves pendant that always dangles in front of me. It’s not there.
The buzzer beeps. I throw myself backward, pointing my toes so my feet don’t drag, and begin my fluid stroke. Kick, kick, kick. I can see Roxy to my right. I keep my pace steady. Don’t change it. Don’t change it at all. Push, push, push. I flip into my first turn, nailing it. I shove off the wall as hard as I can, flip over, and dolphin kick back to the surface. My muscles are loosening up. I’m feeling more comfortable. I take a risk and increase my speed ever so slightly. I make the second and third turns fine. I’m rocking this. The other turns go smoothly too. On my last length of the pool, I have the energy. I push the tiniest bit harder. The cheering crowd is going crazy. I slap my hands against the side of the pool. The race is over.
I turn to check the scoreboard. I lost by a hundredth of a second.
I cover my mouth.
I lost. I lost to Roxy. Again. I shouldn’t have lost.
If I can’t win state, what business do I have being on the US Olympic team? How would I even make it past the one hundred other swimmers who already have cuts for Omaha?
Roxy turns to me and gives me a hug. I smile through pursed lips, and climb out of the pool.
“You did great,” Coach Josh tells me.
“I lost.”
Coach places both hands on my shoulders. “You know Katie Ledecky doesn’t do as well in short course either. She loses lots of those races. You’re just like her. You’re going to kill it in long course next month, understand?”
I nod robotically.
“And you’ve still got 200 free later. I have a feeling you’ll do great.”
I slip my feet into my sneakers and stalk off the deck, passing Roxy celebrating with her family.
“Congratulations, Maggie!” her mom calls out. I give her a quick wave, then continue on, needing to be alone. I slide down next to a drink machine in a corner. I can’t believe I lost.
To make my thoughts stop racing, I picture myself lying on a beach under the hot sun. But the image turns into one of me and Levi, playing cards on a beach towel at Normandy Lake. New, hot tears rush down my face. I can’t believe what happened—I called my best friend an asshole.
While I’m hiding in the hallway, I hear Levi announced as the winner of 100 breaststroke.
That makes me smile. Even though he hurt me beyond belief, I’m still proud of him. He’s the best.
So this is what heartbreak feels like.
Jenga
I hope and pray to God I’ll do better in my second final of the day: 200 free.
To prepare, I stretch all my muscles and inhale deeply through my nose.
“Maggie!”
I look up from touching my toes to find Hunter and Georgia walking up. He’s still in his Raiders baseball uniform, and Georgia looks comfortable in leggings and a light sweater. It’s hard to believe spring is two weeks away. Normally I’d be terribly excited for warm weather and flowers blooming, but at the moment it feels like the dark of winter will never end.
“I’m so excited you guys are here,” I say. “I lost.”
We give each other side hugs.
“That sucks about your first race,” Hunter says. “But second place is pretty amazing, Mags.”
“Yeah.”
Georgia touches my elbow. “Is something wrong? Levi wouldn’t talk to us.”
“I don’t want to talk about him, okay?” I snap, startling Georgia.
Hunter pats my back, ignoring my outburst. “Can I do anything?”
“Tell me about something. Anything.”
He continues rubbing friendly circles on my back. “You won’t believe what happened at my baseball game today.”
Georgia starts cracking up so hard her face turns red.
“I can’t wait to hear this,” I say.
“Shelby and I haven’t had a whole lot of alone time lately because her dad won’t let me come over after the pizza delivery incident, and my house is always packed.” Hunter has three sisters. “I had a bit of time before the game was going to start, so Shelby and I snuck off to the equipment shed.”
Georgia snorts loudly, and Hunter gives her a look.
“We were fooling around, and I guess we were a little loud and didn’t notice the window was open…until the guys outside the shed started cheering us on.”
“Oh my God,” I say. “So now everybody on your team knows what you sound like when you’re—”
“Doing the nasty?” Georgia says. “Yup.”
Hunter shakes his head. “It’s not nasty. It’s beautiful.”
“Oh my God,” I say again. I’d be mortified. “Is Shelby okay?”
“No one saw us. She thought it was pretty funny, but I think she’s hoping and praying it doesn’t get back to her parents!”
“Maggie,” Coach Josh calls. “You’re up.”
“Gotta go, guys. Thank you so much for coming.”
They give me good luck hugs, and then I’m off. When I hit the deck, I’m not even nervous. I’m still laughing at Hunter’s story. I wipe the tears from my eyes as I head over to the blocks. Levi sees me chuckling, and it makes him grin as he fingers the goggles hanging around his neck. I wipe the smile off my face.
I strip out of my sweats and down to my suit, adjust my bottoms to make sure I don’t have a wedgie, and listen to Coach Josh’s last minute pep talk. He squeezes my shoulders. “Listen, Maggie. You swam your personal best in this event two weeks ago. You only need to do one thing today.”
“Try to improve a little?”
He smiles. “You got it.”
I step up to the blocks at lane four. Roxy’s in lane five. She says something, but I don’t process her words. I take a few practice strokes and shake out my arms. Adjust my cap and make sure my goggles are secure. Keep my eyes focused on the water in front of me.
The buzzer beeps, and I leap.
My dive is perfect. I dolphin kick to the surface and fluidly begin my free stroke. Elbows high, elbows high. I count my strokes, perfectly measuring when to make my turns. On the last length of the pool, I can feel it. I have some energy left. It’s a bit of improvement. I go for it. I put all my strength into my stroke, making this race mine.
On my last stroke, I slam both hands into the side of the pool to finish. I pop up out of the water to face the scoreboard.
My name is at the top!
I won! I won the state championship in 200 free!
I slap my hand on top of the water and scream along with the people cheering for me, doing a little dance in the water. This isn’t usually my strongest race. I never expected this. Never!
“Nice race, Maggie,” Roxy says, giving me a perfunctory hug. “See you in Huntsville next month. Tell Levi I can’t wait to see him again too,” she taunts, and climbs out of the pool.
Never in my life have I been so tempted to dunk someone. Instead I hop out of the water and rush for Coach Josh and my parents. Hunter and Georgia are there with big hugs. Oma, Opa, and Ms. Lucassen are all over me too.
“You were amazing!” Mom says.
“You’re nearly as good as I was back in the Netherlands,” Oma says.
“We’ll have to celebrate with a pizza party,” Opa says. Levi’s grandparents are the cutest.