A day passed, then another, and Bodine couldn’t get the conversation with Clementine out of her mind. It didn’t matter that Clementine bounced back to her steady, stoic self, bringing the normal again.
Maybe it lodged in her mind because Denise McNee had fallen into a coma, and seemed to hover in that misty place between life and death. Could it be a choice, which way she went? Was it always a choice?
She wasn’t sure there were answers, but she decided to ask the questions.
She rode down to the Equestrian Center, Leo’s hoof strikes bright as church bells on the hard road. Snowy fields spread all around her as winter kept a firm, frozen grip on everything.
Still, the sky rolled blue and hawks circled through it. Maybe as February made its turn into March there’d be signs of spring.
She saw her grandmother’s truck, Jessica’s SUV, steered Leo around them. Dismounting, she opened the doors, led him inside.
Cora’s voice echoed. “Change leads and take her around the other way. You don’t need to hold on to that pommel now, Jessie.”
“It feels like I do.”
“Keep your back straight. That’s the way. Why don’t you take her into a trot?”
“Okay. God, I’ll be sitting on a pillow again tomorrow.”
Amused, as Jessica had done so twice already, Bodine tethered Leo to a rail, loosened his cinches.
When she walked to the edge of the ring, she noted Jessica had the mare circling in a nice, steady trot.
“Back straight.” Cora, on her favored Wrangler, watched with an eagle eye. “Move with her now, let her feel you’re with her.”
To Bodine’s mind, her grandmother never looked better than when she sat a horse. Her checkered shirt tucked into jeans, her jeans tucked into bold red boots. Her pretty hair under a crisp turned-brim black hat.
“Keep it going and change leads. Don’t think too hard, just do it.”
“I did it!”
“Of course you did. Now take her down, let her walk awhile. Keep those elbows down.” Cora turned her horse, caught sight of Bodine.
Bodine put a finger to her lips, got a grin in return.
“You feel how she responds?”
“I do.” Jessica lifted a hand to adjust the riding helmet. “I honestly didn’t understand what you meant the first couple times. But I do now. I can’t believe I’m doing this. That I can start and stop her, walk and trot, go one way, then the other.”
“And have fun with it?”
“It is fun. Even if my ass, my legs, pay for it later. It’s such a feeling.”
“You’re going to get an even better one. You’re going to take her from walk to trot to canter.”
Even at a distance, Bodine saw Jessica’s eyes go wide, go huge.
“Oh, Cora, I don’t think I’m ready. Honestly, I’m fine just poking along.”
“You’re ready. You need to trust me, trust her, trust yourself. A little trot now. Keep those knees in, those heels down, elbows, too. Tell her what you want. That’s right. She wants to please you. You just want to give her another little nudge now, keep your form, give her the signal, and she’ll take it from there.”
“What if I fall off?”
“You’re not going to, but if you do, you’ll get back up. A little nudge, Jessie.”
The pure anxiety on Jessica’s face had Bodine wondering if her grandmother pushed too far, too soon. But Jessica, lips pressed tight, rocked in the saddle, nudged with her heels, and moved smoothly into a pretty little canter.
The anxiety melted into a kind of shock. “Oh my God!”
“Move with her, that’s it. Elbows down! Look at you. Take her around. That’s beautiful, honey. Just fine. Bring her down again, easy.”
Pulling Maybelle to a stop, Jessica pressed a hand to her heart. “Did that just happen?”
“Got it on video.” Bodine stepped forward, holding up her phone. “The last few seconds anyway. You did great.”
“She’s a faster learner than she thinks she is,” Cora said. “Take her around one more time. Walk, trot, canter.”
“Why does that scare the crap out of me when I just did it?”
“Do it again, and next time it’ll be easier.”
“One more time,” Jessica complied.
Bodine circled in place, following the novice rider and veteran mare round the ring with her phone.
“I’m going to send you this video,” Bodine told her when Jessica led Maybelle back to the center of the ring.
Breathless now, face flushed, Jessica frowned at the phone in Bodine’s hand. “Am I going to be happy or embarrassed?”
“I think you’ll be impressed.”
When Bodine started to get a mounting block, Jessica shook her head. “I don’t need one. Getting off is one of my top equestrian skills. But, oh, my aching butt.”
“When you put more time in, ride more often, your butt won’t ache.” Cora dismounted smoothly. “Let’s see if you remember how to unsaddle your horse.”
“Actually, I’ll do that.” Bodine took Maybelle’s reins. “I need to talk to Nana about something.”
“Then I’ll head home, and into a hot bath.” Jessica gave the mare a rub. “Thanks, Maybelle. Thank you, Cora.”
“You’re more than welcome. You’ve reminded me how much fun it is to teach somebody from the ground up.”
With Bodine, Cora led the horses back to the stall area. “I was going to unsaddle them here so Jessica got the practice, then rub them down at the BAC. But we can do that here if you need to talk to me. Want a Coke? We’ve got some in the tack room.”
“I’ll get us some.” Bodine carried the saddle back, stowed it, grabbed the drinks.
Cora had the second saddle on the post, already toweling off Wrangler. “What’s on your mind, darling?”
“I never asked you because I didn’t want to make you sad.” Bodine picked up a fresh towel, got to work. “If it makes you too sad and you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll stop.”
“This sounds serious.”
“It’s about Alice. I think I understand why Grammy gets angry, and why Mom does. Grammy—you’re her daughter, and it makes her angry somebody hurt you so much. And Mom, it’s the same. And I think hurt of their own, too.”
“I know that’s true, and we don’t talk about it much because it stirs up the hurt.”
“I don’t want to do that.” As she brushed the mare, Bodine looked over at her grandmother. “I don’t want to add to the hurt.”
“But you wonder about it. You’ve got questions stored up, and you’re somebody who wants answers.” As she worked, she met Bodine’s eyes. “You go on and ask.”
“I guess it was Karyn Allison’s mother who gave me the push on this, Nana. How she just wanted to die, and she might. And I talked to Billy Jean’s mother myself, and know even though they weren’t close the way you hear Karyn and her mother were, her grief was beyond measuring. It made me wonder what it’s been like for you, all these years, not knowing for certain if Alice is…”
“Alive. If she’s alive,” Cora finished. “I feel in my heart she is. I need to believe she is.”