*
They walked together around the inlet to the small pine tree Nicholas had spotted, and Reid had Pen’s son “help” drag the tree home after they’d cut it. He could see the pride and sentiment in Pen’s expression as she watched Nicholas enjoy the outing. Though the Coltons had relied on staff to decorate the house every year, he’d heard of other families making it an annual event, heading out in the woods or to a Christmas tree farm to select and cut their tree. He knew without asking that Pen wanted family traditions like that for Nicholas. She’d always made a big deal at holidays for Andrew, and even included Reid in special meals and traditions. Corned beef and green beer at St. Patrick’s Day, grilling and fireworks on the Fourth of July, king cake and jambalaya at Mardi Gras. This past eighteen months since Andrew’s death, he’d missed sharing special days with his partner and his wife, so having this opportunity to kick off the Christmas season with her and Nicholas filled him with an indescribable satisfaction. A completeness that brought him a deep internal joy.
Once back at his lake house, he realized he didn’t have a Christmas tree stand. Or decorations. Or lights. He should have thought about the lack of holiday cheer at his safe house and offered to bring in some decor days ago. Pen and her son deserved as much holiday cheer as he could give them. His only excuse was that he simply didn’t think in terms of holiday preparations. At the ranch, the garlands and wreaths and lights just appeared around the house in the days after Thanksgiving.
But that oversight was something he could do something about. Pen tried to dissuade him from leaving to buy a houseful of decorations, but his mind was made up.
“We can improvise a stand from a bucket and make a few homemade ornaments and string some popcorn.”
“You’re welcome to do any of that with him that you want, of course. But...let me get some Christmas things to spruce the place up. I want to do this for you.”
He could see her reluctance in her eyes, and when she opened her mouth to refuse his offer, he stepped close to her and touched a finger to her lips. A crackle like an electric shock tingled on his skin, and caught off guard by the sensation, he held his breath. Her eyes widened, though he couldn’t be sure if she was simply surprised by his touch...or as affected by it as he was. Or both.
For a moment neither of them moved. He searched her gaze, lost in the changing shades of green and gold and brown in the hazel depths of her eyes. More than anything he wanted to kiss her. The pull was as strong as any urge he’d ever felt. The irritating voice that had sounded caution, had warned him away from his partner’s widow, whispered again. Don’t do it... Too risky... A mistake...
But Reid had lived most of his life on the edge, and he defaulted to reckless, selfish desire. With a hand on each of her shoulders, he drew her close and settled his mouth onto hers.
Chapter 12
Reid muffled the half gasp, half sigh that escaped her lips as he angled his lips over hers. She was still for a moment, her body rigid. He shifted closer, moving his hand to her cheek, and he felt a tremble race through her.
The warning voice spoke louder, firmer. Leave her alone! Off-limits!
He should back away. He knew he should, damn it!
But then her lips parted and she canted toward him. Her body brushed his, and her hand lifted to his back. Pen’s fingers curled into his shirt as if clinging for support, and the tip of her tongue darted out in a tentative invitation, lightly teasing the seam of his mouth. He deepened the kiss, drawing more fully on her lips, accepting her shy foray with a testing sweep of his tongue.
She tasted sweet and tempting, like a new adventure waiting to be revealed. His alpha drive to conquer, to explore, to rise to any challenge roared to life. His fingers delved into the thick waves of her hair and he captured the back of her head as he slaked his curiosity, his need.
Only the small sound that filtered through his lust-muddled focus held him back. He didn’t recognize what he’d heard right away. Only as his subconscious replayed the squeak-like noise did he realize it held notes of fear. Of regret. Of grief.
He stiffened, tightening his grip on her nape and lifting his mouth only a fraction. In the tiny crack of his composure, his conscience screamed, You can only disappoint her. You’re not what she needs. You will hurt her.
He jerked back from her, and his heart clenched seeing the confusion and pain that filled her face. She wouldn’t meet his gaze. She kept her chin down, and her brow furrowed with a deep crease.
He muttered an earthy curse word under his breath and dragged a hand down his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...”
When she continued to stare at the floor, looking rather shell-shocked and torn, he gritted his teeth and swung toward the door. “Right. So...I’ll get those decorations and a few groceries and, um...” He dug his keys from his pocket and glanced at her once more. “Pen? Will you be all right if I...?” He hitched his thumb over his shoulder to finish the thought.
She blinked and dabbed at the outer corner of her eyes as she forced a smile. “Of course. I’m fine. Go.”
She didn’t look fine, but he didn’t argue. With a rock of regret and confusion sitting on his lungs, he beat a retreat to the Range Rover. And a little distance to get his own head around what he’d done. Had he opened the door to a deeper, satisfying sexual relationship with Pen...or had he ruined their fragile friendship?