But I have no idea what Harper is going through. I’ve never lost a parent or a sibling. She lost her dad years ago, and now she’s not even living with her mom. The pain I see in her eyes is so evident even when she tries to hide it. I only live with Dad, but at least both my parents are still alive.
“She’s lucky to have you,” I say, still staring across the fields. So many times I’ve wished Uncle Jasper was my real uncle. And so many times I’ve wished my father would see me for me, and not the kid he sees when I walk through the door after I’ve been gone for a while. When he sees that kid, he sees nothing.
It does no good to wish for impossible things.
Uncle Jasper feels my tension and says, “Kale—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“And ignoring it isn’t going to help.”
My fists tighten. “It’s my problem,” I tell him. “Not yours.”
He says nothing because he’s good like that. Then he says something I never expected to hear. He says, “You should tell her the truth.”
I stare at him, not knowing what to say.
Uncle Jasper nods in response, letting the subject drop. We ride the rest of the way in silence, watching every familiar mile pass by.
He usually drops me off at the end of my driveway, but he finishes the half mile toward his house.
“What are you doing?”
“I have something to show you,” he says.
“You aren’t building another plane in the barn like you did after watching that movie, are you? I think that lasted a total of two hours.” I shrug. “It would have been funny to watch you fly it, though.”
“You’re just not going to let that go,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s not like you haven’t done anything that only lasted a day.”
“Well, you could use your one free pass and I would never speak a word of it again.”
“And as I’ve said before, I’m saving it for something worse.”
“So now you’re admitting you have something even crazier in mind?” I ask. “More than building a plane in your barn?”
He grips the wheel and tries not to smile.
When the driveway clears away from the woods, the house looks the same as it always does. The big trees around it and the faded paint on the siding. It’s one of the unchanging things I can count on. There aren’t many.
The tires fit into the dents in the gravel where Uncle Jasper parks every day. I get out of the truck and stare at the house. Even though it’s so familiar to me—and now feels like more of a home to me than my own house—there’s one thing that’s different about it now. Harper.
I can’t even think about this house without thinking about her. She’s been creeping into my thoughts more and more. Ever since seeing her that first day, and even more after the river. I hope I didn’t screw it up between us.
“Do you want to see this or not?” Uncle Jasper says behind me.
I tear my eyes off the house and follow him over to the barn. The lawn mower sits on the side, overgrown grass climbing its wheels.
I’ve spent countless nights in here helping Uncle Jasper fix whatever needs to be fixed. Jobs that needed extra hours of work or just small projects of his own.
They’re memories of black stained fingers, empty Mountain Dew cans, and horrible radio stations.
Uncle Jasper pushes the big door open, and at first I don’t know what I’m looking at. My mind is elsewhere. With the cold nights. My dad, whom I’ll have to face by the end of today. Harper. My car I’ll never see again.
But now I realize my car is right here in front of me. In Uncle Jasper’s barn. With its dented bumper and nonexistent paint job.
I can’t stop staring, afraid it’ll disappear like everything else good.
It takes me a moment to put the pieces together.
“You shouldn’t have done this.” I can’t see him, but I know he’s behind me. “You know I can’t pay for it.”
He puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. “I’m not asking you to, Kale. You do enough work for me as it is. I owe this to you.”
I turn away from the barn, shaking my head. “You don’t owe me anything. You’ve already done enough as it is. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this.”
“And what did I tell you?” he asks.
I shift my weight and look down at my shoes. “You told me you do it because you want to.”
I can’t meet his eyes.
“So what’s the problem?”
I hesitate. “I hate owing you more than I can give.” I cut him off before he can say what I know he’s thinking. “And don’t say, ‘You don’t owe me anything,’ because you can’t possibly believe that’s true. You do more than anybody ever has.”
“I think we’ve had this conversation before,” he says.
We have.
Probably more than once.
Maybe five or six years ago, Uncle Jasper found me walking home one night, all the way from that old house in the field. I’d been walking that stretch of road since I was seven. But something about him made me tell him everything.
And for once, someone actually believed me. Now, him, Libby, Bryce, and Miles are the only people who know the truth. Aunt Holly used to, but …
“I can’t take this,” I say. “It’s too much.”
He takes my hand and presses something into my palm. It’s my keys.
“You’re going to.”
I can’t argue with him.
He doesn’t give me that look very often, but when he does, I know it’s best to keep my mouth shut.
Something catches my eye over his shoulder. It’s Harper coming out of the house and down the steps. She’s wearing an old pair of ripped jeans and a T-shirt with some other gaming logo on it.
Uncle Jasper is talking, but I don’t hear him. I think the Royals are mentioned again, so I’m sure it isn’t important.
The breeze pushes her hair over her shoulder and she smiles at seeing me. I follow her legs all the way down to her unlaced Chuck Taylors.
The cold has all but left me.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m in a good mood right now, but it feels like I’m just now noticing her today. The last two times I talked to her, I wasn’t myself. Which happens a lot these days. Being around Harper has made that even more obvious.
I probably acted like an ass, and I can’t do that again.
I have to fix things between us before they get any worse.
She’s almost here.
“Kale.” Uncle Jasper’s voice seems far away.
I finally look away. “What?” I ask him.
Uncle Jasper stares a moment. “Never mind.” He sighs. “I don’t feel like repeating myself today.”
I nod, too distracted. “Hey, Harper.”
“Hey, Kale. It’s good to have you back.”
Before I can respond, Uncle Jasper asks her, “Did you figure out what you want for dinner yet?”
“I think I’ll look through Aunt Holly’s recipes to see if I can find something. I kind of feel like cooking.”
“Sounds good,” he says, then turning to me, “Do you want to stay for dinner, Kale?”
“No, I should be getting back.”
Uncle Jasper’s smile falters but he nods to hide it. “Maybe some other time then.”
“Would it be okay if I kept my car here for tonight?”