“It’s been established that I have no normal emotions, and an apparently limited or nonexistent conscience. From what I understand, that gives me a bit of an edge, because I don’t have to second-guess myself before I take a shot.”
“Another great answer. You keep this up, and I may have to put your picture up on my wall, something to point at to show other idiots who come through here what they could have been. You were chosen, Noah, because you’ve proven that you will take action when action must be taken. You don’t agonize over it, you simply decide whether action needs to be taken, and then you act on that decision. That’s something we spend incredible amounts of time and money trying to teach to our students, and here you come along with it already hardwired into your Cybernet. If I could figure out what makes you tick, I’d be doing all I could to program the rest of our boys and girls to think just like you. Unfortunately, the root cause of your incredible, unique existence is probably found in the tragedy you suffered as a child, and without a time machine, I can’t go back and put any of my other students through similar experiences.”
“Apparently you’re not the only one, Sir,” Noah said. “Over the past few years, I’ve read about a number of experiments that have been conducted, psychological experiments that were designed to turn off emotions in certain people. I’ve never been able to get access to any of their actual results, but some of the psychology behind the experiments sounded at least somewhat valid.”
Parker nodded, but waved off the suggestions. “I know about some of those experiments, and frankly, I disapprove. They’re nothing like what happened to you, in any event. Your emotional shutdown came at a moment when you were probably being assaulted by some of the most painful emotions possible. Your psyche, in order to protect itself, simply flipped a switch and turned those emotions off. This is a defense mechanism, a way in which the subconscious acts to protect the individual. Tell me, have you ever been to see a psychotherapist about this?”
“Yes, a couple of times. My grandparents sent me to one, and during the time I was in the foster care system, I was ordered by a court into psychoanalysis. In both cases, I simply kept up my act and managed to convince both psychiatrists that I was a fairly normal kid who had been through a rough time. If you’re asking whether I ever cooperated, then the answer would be no. I don’t feel emotion, so I have no concerns over whether there’s anything wrong with me. Because of that, I just couldn’t see any reason to cooperate with someone who wanted to take away the very thing that, to me, makes me feel comfortable with myself.”
Parker laughed. “We sent some people to actually interview some of the folks who knew you when you were younger,” he said, “on the pretense that the interview was related to a possible pardon, or commutation of your sentence. There was one woman who said that she compared you to Mr. Spock, from Star Trek. According to her, you are probably as close to a true Vulcan as the world has ever seen. Do you think she’s right?”
Noah grinned. “You’re talking about Molly,” he said. “I remember when she started calling me that; it was a long time ago, when we were kids. On the other hand, she got me started watching that show in reruns, and the more I saw Mr. Spock, the more I felt a kinship with him. Over the years, every time there was a new Star Trek show, I looked at the Vulcans to see if I could feel that same kinship, and I usually did. I found it with Mr. Data, too. He was another one who was always trying to figure out how to be human, just like me.”
Parker was nodding his head. “And of course, he thought in terms of logic. He had to, since he was essentially a robot, and I’m certain that’s exactly how you’ve felt for most of your life.”