“May the Goddess guide him.”
I pressed my thumb to my temple, mirroring Hadrian. She smiled, a wide gum-filled grin and left the room through a small door concealed beside a large cabinet.
I stayed pressed to the door whilst Hadrian stepped forward. Guilt had frozen my mind and body.
I’d done this.
“I did this…” I croaked.
“Don’t blame yourself,” Hadrian said, moving from beside the cot to me. “There was no way of stopping it. It was completely out of your control. I am more concerned to why he was there in the first place. I have already sent a guard to find out why he was not with the rest of Rank Falmia.”
“He won’t be in trouble, will he?” I asked, my voice trembling.
I felt the burn of tears in the corners of my eyes, my cheeks sticky from those that’d already spilled.
“I thought I recognized him. He is your friend?” Hadrian placed a hand on my cheek, warm and comforting. I wanted to melt into it, to open the flood gates within me. But I bit my lip and held myself together.
“His name is Petrer. We are both from Horith.”
The pinch of Hadrian’s brows didn’t go amiss. He took his hand from my face and turned to Petrer. “He is going to survive. Browlin has been our healer since before I was born. Her powers are immense.”
I was glad for the change in subject. Talking about mine and Petrer’s past would only open other wounds that I wanted to keep closed. “She’s Alorian. I haven’t seen her power before.”
“Yes, and we are lucky to have her. She has saved many lives, aided in many births and guided souls during the passing. Petrer is in fine hands.”
I walked around the cot to stand by Petrer’s side. His face was relaxed in the deepest of sleep, peaceful. His skin still had a faint glow from Healer Browlin’s magick, it lingered within his veins ever so slightly. If I’d not seen it happen I would pass it off as a trick of light.
“The training will resume tomorrow, you are dismissed for the rest of the day,” Hadrian said, he still stood behind me.
“Thank you...” I pulled my eyes from Petrer, “for helping him.”
“Your thanks are appreciated, but misplaced. I only did what was right,” Hadrian replied, looking down as he fiddled with the seam of his shirt.
“Can I stay with him?” I asked. “It’s the least I can do, to be here when he wakes up.”
“If that would make you happy, then yes.”
Hadrian’s smile wavered, his eyes looking everywhere but at me. “Promise me you will get some sleep? Do not stay here all night.”
“I promise.” I lied.
As soon as the door closed behind Hadrian, I released the leash around my tears and they fell in desperate sobs. Petrer didn’t wake when I climbed into the cot with him. I lay as close as I could, resting my head on his arm.
Hours must have passed whilst I watched the rise and fall of his chest. I longed for him to wake, but he didn’t.
“I’m sorry, Petrer,” I whispered, “for hurting you.”
The tears trickled from my eyes and ran down his arm. I looked at his peaceful face, a face I’d kissed more times than I could count. A face I’d studied in the dark of night, a face that once belonged to me. All until that night when I saw him, the night when he decided he was no longer mine.
After what he had done to me, I never thought forgiving him would be possible. But as I lay there, watching him, it was the first time in a long time I felt ready to let it all go. To open the wounds a final time and fill them with forgiveness.
“You know, I had no idea how to handle it after I saw you and him. For days after, I wanted to tell you, to hurt you for hurting me. I wanted to scream so you knew I’d caught you.” A laugh burst past my lips, “It’s funny. I never thought you would lie with another whilst with me. Not you. But when I saw you in the same place you took me…” I paused, flashes of Petrer and the boy together in the forest filled my mind. “I trusted you. And I’ve blamed you for weeks. I wanted you to feel the pain I felt, but not like this.”
As I spoke I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders. “Seeing you like this, knowing I’m the cause of this kills me. I never want this to happen again.” I took a shuddering breath in and finally said the words that I never believed I’d say. “I forgive you. Just like I hope you can forgive me for what I’ve done to you.”
I leaned across him and placed a single kiss on his head. I held it there, until my tears smudged beneath my mouth.
I forgive you.
The hairs on my arms stood on end. There was a noise, an unfamiliar sound. I stilled, straining my ears to try and place its origins but nothing. It must be a trick of my mind. The only sounds I could hear were the shallow breaths from Petrer beside me and the hush of the wind tapping against the palace walls.
Certain it was nothing sinister, I gave into sleep, resting against the gentle rhythm of Petrer’s heart.
***
THE DOOR RATTLED, yanking me from my light sleep. A chill ran across my mind and I gazed to Petrer who still lay there, unaware.
I heard the noise again. I jolted up, my graze pinned to the door as it creaked open.
“Hello?” I called, but no one answered.
A body of ivory floated in, the ruffles at the bottom of its silk cloak dusting across the floor. Healer Browlin.
“There is something strange about you,” Browlin sang, walking on silent feet.
Rich coming from you.
“I’m sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep,” I said, rushing from the cot in a hasty leap to leave. “I best get going.”
“Since you are here, stay and help me with his ointments.” She turned towards the set of shelves covered in bottles of all shapes and sizes. “Come.”
Browlin shuffled her sagging arms through drawers filled with glass vials, each containing liquids or powders that were barely visible through the dusted bottles and faded labels. She picked out a vial, tinted with a deep jade. She lifted it to the subtle light from the single window in the room and purred, “Perfect.”
She uncorked the vial, the pop echoing across the room. A warm, sickly scent seeped out into the air. I covered my nose with my one hand and moved to her, her long fingers beckoning me closer.
“Place this vial before his nose and allow his body to absorb the healing properties.”
“What’s in this?” I asked, reeling away from the bottle thrust at me.
She laughed, long squeaking cackles like that of a youngling’s cry. “Nothing to worry about.”
I held the vial away from me and walked over to the cot. Petrer was blissfully unaware amongst the ruffled sheets when I held the stinking concoction beneath his nose. The jade smoke snaked its way inside his nostrils, illuminating the many veins in his face before fading once again.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I felt Browlin behind me, inches from where I stood. I’d not heard her move, yet there she was, like a phantom behind me.
“You seem shocked at this magick, although, I know it is not the first time you have seen it.”