I glanced up from my schedule to find Kimberly White standing in the hallway a few feet in front of me. She was helping a group of dance team girls unravel a huge banner that said “Welcome Back to School” in bright, scrolling letters. Each one of them was wearing a different version of the same outfit: tight jeans, knee-high boots, and a cashmere sweater. They looked like a Macy’s ad. Kimberly abandoned them to greet me and I swallowed down a lump of jealousy.
In another life, I was supposed to be Kimberly. Freshman and sophomore year of high school we’d been co-captains of the high school dance team, blonde, and popular—but I was popular by proxy. Chase had pulled me into the spotlight but Kimberly was destined to be there. She’d been dealt a perfect hand in life, one that included good genes, a sweet disposition, and rich, doting parents. Her dad was the only dentist in Blackwater and when she smiled, I was reminded of the fact that she’d had braces not once, but twice. A perfect smile for a perfect girl.
“I can’t believe you’re back,” she said, beaming at me after she’d engulfed me in a one-sided hug. “You look so cute with that haircut, like Emma Watson or something!”
“Oh, thanks,” I said, trying to casually sidestep her. First bell was about to ring and I had no clue where my first class was.
She noticed my retreat with grace. “Oh, duh! You have to get to class. Why don’t you come find me during lunch? We can catch up!”
I nodded, although I was confused by what she meant. I didn’t need to catch Kimberly up on my life; she and the rest of that small town knew every sordid detail from beginning to end. My family’s secrets had been plucked, pressed, preserved, and put on display.
It wasn’t fair that everyone knew my secrets but I didn’t know theirs. The scales were tipped in their favor, and since I couldn’t erase the secrets on my side, it was time to start weighing down theirs.
Chapter Fifteen
June 1997
Blackwater, Texas
Graduation day symbolized freedom. Elaine and Hannah had counted down the days, marking them off one by one until they could finally don their creased graduation gowns and walk across the stage once and for all. Blackwater High didn’t have much of a budget for a graduation ceremony, which meant each year it took place out on the football field, on top of the dry summer grass with the twinkling stadium lights usually reserved for Friday nights in the fall.
Elaine cursed the poor lighting in the stadium bathroom as she tried in vain to flatten her hair beneath her graduation cap. No matter how much she worked with them, the pale blonde strands wouldn’t cooperate. If she’d had it her way, she and Hannah would have skipped graduation altogether. There was no point in her being there. Her mom was working a late shift and her dad was rotting away in a jail across the state. No one would be cheering for her in the stands.
“Okay, I give up with my hair. Are you almost done in there?” Elaine asked, spinning around to face the stall Hannah had locked herself inside ten minutes earlier. “We’re gonna be late.”
When Hannah didn’t respond, Elaine stepped closer and pressed her ear to the stall door, trying to hear Hannah over the noise of the stadium.
“Oh my god, c’mon!” someone yelled from the back of the long line. “There are other people waiting!”
The bathroom was small, only three stalls in total, and Hannah had occupied one of them for too long.
“Hannah?” Elaine asked, trying to coax her friend out before mob mentality took over.
When Hannah didn’t reply, Elaine crouched down to look beneath the stall door. Hannah was pacing back and forth in the tiny space.
She frowned. “Hannah. What are you doing?” She stood and rattled the locked door. “Let me in.”
For the past few weeks Elaine had noticed that Hannah was off. She hadn’t wanted to talk about their approaching move to Austin, she hadn’t wanted to browse through classified ads for apartments. Elaine had assumed she was getting cold feet, but as Hannah opened the door to let Elaine step into the stall with her, she feared it was much, much worse.
Hannah’s graduation cap was upside down on the bathroom floor, dirty and forgotten. Her graduation gown was unzipped and falling off her shoulder. Her makeup was smeared and her tears were carrying mascara down her cheeks in splotchy black lines.
Elaine stepped closer, trying to console her friend, and that’s when Hannah unfolded her fists, revealing the slim pregnancy test hidden inside. Two little pink lines stretched across the results window.
Those two pink lines took their best-laid plans and turned them to dust.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
Chapter Sixteen
Chase
Halfway through Lilah’s first day back, I walked into the cafeteria with my tray of food and tried to find her. Even though most everyone had grown up together, the jocks still ate with the jocks and so on. Everyone had their unofficial assigned spot—everyone except for Lilah.
She was nowhere to be found. I took the long way to my seat and then looped around the room once more. Finally, I circled back to the entrance of the cafeteria and slid into the last open seat at my table of friends.