What do you do when you realize that life as you once knew it is over forever?
My life had ended once already—in that same, very strange month of October—the day that Eva died.
Press had woken me. No, that’s not precisely right. I had awoken to find him standing over me, holding a tearful Michael, looking horrified. He had looked at me as though I were some stranger who had wandered into his house and done something unspeakable.
I had done the unspeakable. I had let our daughter die.
“What is it?”
When I’d held out my arms for Michael, Press had taken a step back, reluctant. Who would give their precious son to a stranger?
Why hadn’t I felt something the moment that Eva had fallen into the tub, hitting her head? A mother should feel something when her child’s life slips away into the water, or into the air—a sudden absence in the universe. But no. I had felt nothing. Sensed nothing. I hadn’t even been awake.
The next day, I did the only thing I could do. Press was wrong about my father. I was certain that he and Nonie would stand behind me. They had to. Michael was too precious to risk, and I knew that if I stayed with Press, he would do something to hurt Michael or twist him in some way. Bliss House was where we belonged, but not if Press was in it. I’d rejected the idea of killing him, but I now knew where I really stood. Michael and I were prisoners, and Press valued life far less than I did. I could only trust that Olivia would be there for Eva if I couldn’t be. But Michael was alive, and I had to protect him. So I ran away.
I thought it would be difficult not to give myself away. But I was better at lying than I knew.
When I went down to the kitchen, I found Press, Marlene, and Terrance seated at the table. Press stopped talking, and he and Marlene looked at me, but Terrance started to rise. I put out my hand to stop him.
“That’s all right, Terrance. I just came to speak with Marlene about dinner, but I’ll come back.” Perhaps I should have made an effort to speak to Press. I confess I knew it would embarrass him in front of Marlene—if not Terrance—when I ignored him. But the loathing I felt, along with my pride, wouldn’t let me. How much had my pride cost me already? I turned to leave, but Marlene spoke.
“The side of beef from our order was stocked in the freezer yesterday, Miss Charlotte. I thought maybe steaks with autumn vegetables, and bread?”
“That’s fine. Is there mail?” Glancing at the table, I saw that a stack of mail rested at Preston’s right. An envelope with Nonie’s handwriting sat on top.
“I’ll bring it to you when I’ve been through it, darling.” Press smiled. Darling. Had I ever really been his darling? Somehow I knew he would never give me the letter.
“We’re doing the memorial tomorrow night. I’m just finalizing plans with Marlene and Terrance. It’s a light menu, though God knows that crowd can eat! Just think. We’ll christen the new theater in style. Helen would’ve loved it, don’t you think?” He turned to Marlene. “Twelve people, plus Miss Charlotte. Terrance will serve and take care of cleaning up. It will go rather late, so there’s no need for you not to retire at your usual time.”
“It’s no trouble, Mr. Preston.”
Terrance shook his head. Press just smiled. It was decided.
Thursday. Halloween. It seemed appropriate, given the secretive, dramatic natures of both Helen and Zion. The secretive, dramatic nature of my husband.
I turned to leave again, and Press said, “Don’t worry about a costume. I have it all arranged.”
Holding my breath so I wouldn’t be tempted to shriek at him, I hurried toward the stairs between the kitchen and dining room. By the time I reached the second floor, I was panting.
As I left the small hallway where the stairs were located, I nearly ran into Shelley, who was leading Michael by the hand. Shelley looked startled and, worse, there were gray shadows beneath her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Bliss. I didn’t hear you.” She let go of Michael’s hand and he toddled toward me. I picked him up and held him close—so very close—to feel the softness of his fine blond curls on my cheek.
“Where are you two off to?”
“It’s so nice outside, I thought we’d walk out to the springhouse and maybe play in the playhouse for a little while. I was going to stop in the kitchen to get a snack to take with us.” She hesitated. “That’s all right, isn’t it?”
Of course, she’d hesitated because the playhouse had been Eva’s. I smiled to reassure her. “Just keep him away from the pool.”
“Oh, I definitely will. We won’t even go in the woods. I promise.”
I kissed Michael and set him down. “You be good for Shelley.”