“Why didn’t you join in?”
He wrinkles his nose. "I don't like the snow. Pisses me off because I can't ride my bike if the roads freeze over. I kinda need that escape right now."
Ewan’s look grows wary. Is this a Ewan-style attempt to open up about the other night?
“I think it’s important to have your own space.”
He pulls off my other glove and watches as he rubs my red hand. “I’m sorry I pushed you away, Vee. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”
“No, I needed to hear them.” I dip my head. “Look at me, Ewan.”
His grip tightens as his eyes meet mine. “Joss said you’ve changed your mind.”
“You opened my eyes to what I was asking, Ewan. I wouldn’t only destroy myself in the process, I’d destroy us too.” My heart hurts again, as he falls silent and I ache for him to understand and believe my words.
“I’m glad.” My pulse kicks up a notch as I look back into his green eyes, sensing the barrier still there.
Pulling my hands from his, I place them both on his cheeks. "I want to get close to you, Ewan. Please don’t hold back from me."
He smiles and wipes a hand along my cool cheek, before tipping my face upwards. “I doubt I’d be able to, even if I tried.”
His words surge a happiness through me to match how I felt outside, and I break into a smile as he searches my face with his fingers. “You really are bloody cold though. You’re shivering, and I’m sure that’s not just because of me.”
I poke my tongue out at his joke.
“We’ll talk later.” He kisses my lips briefly. “We’ll figure this out. Go change.”
“Sorry you can’t ride your bike,” I say with a smile. “I’d like to join you sometime.”
He chuckles. “You hated my bike.”
“I just need more practice.”
“Okay, some time when it’s safer.” He points at the table. "Downtime, a few drinks, and maybe wiping the floor with Xander at poker might help."
"I don't play poker."
"I'll teach you, but I’m not playing with Seth." He picks up the cards and taps the box against his chin. "Seth's poker face is too good."
I hang my fluffy white towel on the door and look between the bath and shower as I peel off my damp top. The large tub looks more inviting; I deserve a soak in the bath today, if we're pausing in our crazy crusade for a few hours. I begin to fill the bath and soon water steams into the room, joined by the aroma from the vanilla bath gel I locate in the cupboard. I pull off the rest of my wet clothes and dump them on the floor.
As I swish the water, I decide if this is ‘me’ time while the guys play poker, I’ll need a book to read too. Grabbing a towel from the chair in the corner, I wrap it around myself and head back to Joss’s room. He has a few stacked on his dresser, but I’ll avoid the ones he uses for research. I don’t want supernatural stories joining my peaceful bath.
As I pass the top of the stairs, Seth appears and halts eyes widening. I grip the towel knot at my chest, aware it doesn't go past my knees. Fleetingly, I wonder how often Seth sees girls naked—or semi-naked—as he looks at a point behind my head instead, cheeks pink.
"Sorry, Vee."
"No, you're okay, I'm the one wandering round half-naked. I didn't think." Often I'll walk between the bathroom and a bedroom in just my underwear, never uncomfortable around the men I live with. I thank the stars I chose a towel today and avoided embarrassment.
"I was going to take a shower while you were all busy. I didn't want to get in the way. I thought you were just changing." He stammers out an excuse, and continues to look past me.
"All good. I can take a bath later if you want to use the shower?"
"It's fine. I’ll come back.” Seth finally looks at me and fails to stop himself flicking a gaze the length of me; at least his look doesn't linger anywhere but my face.
"Well. Yeah." He turns away to walk back down the stairs and my heart goes out to the lonely guy, excluded by the guys again.
"Seth. If you could be more open with the others about yourself, I think it would help."
He looks back over his shoulder. "There's not much to know I haven't shared. Surely they don't want to hear my childhood stories, and I can't see them wanting to take part in a bonding session."
I laugh, despite the sadness in his voice. "No. You're probably right."
"I know I keep saying this, but be careful of them, Vee."
"I don't need to be." I tug my towel tighter. "I'm fine, honestly."
"I know they don't tell me everything, so I don’t have all the facts. But what I do see is they’re struggling. I don't think this chaos we’re all fighting will end anytime soon." He pulls off his glasses and examines the lenses, before replacing them and looking back at me. "I think it's here to stay."
15
VEE
I'm unsure how many strings Portia needed to pull to allow all six of us to the fundraising weekend at Alasdair's Scottish country estate. Ewan explained the Horsemen's finances allow them to buy into situations. If there's one thing a charity likes, it's promises of large sums of money, so that helped Portia persuade the Foundation to allow six delegates. Joss jokes that siphoning corrupt organisations' bank accounts is starving them, so his powers are being used in the right way.
So, six places are “bought.” Three delegates and three partners. The guys calmed down about the affront to their sexuality, but Seth couldn't hide his amusement at the long and complicated discussion over who would 'be' with who. Due to his need to police Seth almost at all times, Xander and Seth are paired up. Who knows how that'll work out? Not well. Joss has his wish and Heath is his partner.
Leaving me with Ewan.
Is this deliberate? A ploy by the others to matchmake us like we're Giant Pandas or another endangered species who need to get it on? Since our talk, Ewan has lost his wariness around me, and although we're more relaxed around each other's company, his affection remains at touches or hugs.
I made a mistake suggesting I could lose my humanity. Each passing day, the Vee who loves the guys pushes away the strange voice that intrudes sometimes and I vow to fight this.
Heath and Xander’s news about Logan shocked us, but Logan's demon connection calms my fears about the darkness inside. It’s obvious his actions were an attempt to cause division between us and the fae, and perhaps each other too. But we all know the darkness exists; all Logan did was point out and trigger the hidden fears.