Once I down two pills with a half a bottle of chilled water, I brush my teeth wanting to rid my mouth of the dry feeling I woke up with. I glance at the clock that is hanging on the wall in the hallway. It's barely past six.
I walk back into my bedroom, tossing the robe onto the bed as I move past it. I stop at the window. I pull open the curtains just enough to see the view. It's not ideal but I can spot the ocean through the tops of the trees. It's nothing like the view from my apartment in Manhattan. This is everything that life in the city can't offer to me.
I inch backwards until I feel the bed behind me. I fall back onto the pillow and sleep consumes me almost instantly. I'm just falling into the throes of a dream when I hear a soft tap in the room. I don't open my eyes. It's the bottom of the blind that normally covers the window at night. I hadn't closed it because I wanted to wake to the sun.
I turn onto my back, allowing my mind to go blank, wanting sleep to grab hold of me for at least a few more hours but I hear the noise again. It's louder this time.
I tilt my chin up, pushing my head back into the pillow. I should have paid more attention during yoga class when the yogi spoke of shutting off the world and finding your center.
I feel a brush against my arm and this time my eyes fly open.
My heart races.
My breathing stops.
He's standing next to the bed.
His hair is a tousled mess. His jaw covered with stubble.
He looks dangerous, desirous and as his eyes rake over my body, I know that my life will never be the same again.
Chapter 36
I watch in silence as he pushes the dress shirt he's wearing from his shoulders. His hands work quickly on his belt and I can't take my eyes off of his body when he kicks free of his pants. I stare at his cock without any shame. It's beautiful. It's thick, long and hard.
He doesn't say anything as he slides into the bed next to me, pulling me into his chest. I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my face in his neck.
His arms are around me; his hands cupping my bare ass. He sighs as I curve my body into his. I want him to touch me. I want him to kiss me. I want to feel him inside of me but most of all I want to breathe in the scent of his skin and listen to the beat of his heart.
"I can't stay away from you, Bell," he says hoarsely. "I can't do it."
I push my body into his, wanting to lessen the small amount of physical distance that still exists between us. "I don't want you to stay away."
"I'll hurt you." His voice cracks slightly. "It will kill me to hurt you."
"It won't happen." I turn my head so I can press my lips against the smooth skin of his muscular chest. "It's not going to happen."
His hand flies to the back of my head, pulling at my hair so hard that I have no choice but to tilt my neck to look up at him as he speaks. "You're my only weakness. It's always been you."
His lips seal over mine in a deep and lush kiss. His breath tastes like coffee and peppermint and his tongue glides over my bottom lip with the promise of pleasure I've never known before. He growls my name into my mouth before he pulls back.
"I couldn’t stay away." He weaves his hand through my hair. "I knew you were here. I couldn’t function. I had to come."
I nod slowly as I stare into his eyes. "I wanted you to come, Caleb. I've been waiting forever for you."
He rolls me back onto my back in one quick movement and then he's hovering above me. I soak in the strong details of his face. I study the chiseled features of the man I've yearned for since I knew what intimacy was.
"I wanted to be your first," he says softly as he blinks slowly. "I always wanted to be your first, Bell."
Everything I feel catches in my throat and I can barely talk. "I wanted that too."
"I came to your graduation to tell you how I felt." His lips feather across my cheek. "I went to college and thought about you every day."
I reach up to graze my hand across the back of his neck. It pulls a shiver from him. I know my heart. I know that if we share ourselves with each other and he pulls away, that I'll be left in a deep pit of self-loathing and depression. He's warned me. He's told me he's going to hurt me and I know the risks. I also know that I need him. I pull gently on his neck, guiding his mouth to mine before I sink my teeth into his bottom lip and feel the brush of his cock against my hip.
He kisses me deeply, his tongue gliding against mine in an achingly slow dance. I crave the taste of his mouth so I cling to him tightly as he kisses me harder. His hand falls to my breast, his fingers pinching my swollen nipple, pulling a deep and guttural groan from my core.
I whimper when he pulls back slightly. He stares into my face, his expression stoic and strong. For a half beat of my heart I panic, wondering if he's thinking the same thoughts that overtook him that day in his apartment. I breathe again when his eyes follow the path of his hand and he looks down at my body.