"I don't," I spit back.
"I came here to talk about what happened." His hand waves in the air towards the hallway. "That was a mistake, Rowan. I don't know what I was thinking."
That you wanted me? That you ached to be inside of me? That the pull that has been there between us for years is real?
"You're sorry that it happened?" I ask for blunt clarification. Now isn't the time to skirt around the edges of this. I want a clear and concrete answer about how he feels.
"It should never have happened." He's on his feet before I have time to react. "We're friends. We almost lost that. I can't risk damaging what we already have. I need you as a friend. I'll always need you as a friend."
I don't look up. I know that if I do he'll catch a glimpse of the disappointment that's washed over me. "We'll never do it again."
"We can't," he says quietly as he turns on his heel. "I need to go but if you hear from my brother, call me…or…you can call Gabriel. Just let one of us know."
Chapter 23
"I need someone to go to Martha's Vineyard for me." Clive is standing in the doorway of my office. "If you tell me you're sending Jordan, I'm going to need to remind you that she just got back from Dallas a few weeks ago with her husband in tow. She's still refreshed."
I smile faintly at the joke. "What's in Martha's Vineyard?"
"There's a very smart developer there who has come up with a software program that I want the rights to." He takes a heavy step into my office. "He hates New York so we need to go to him to get the deal done."
"Imogen can handle it," I point out. "She loves it up there."
"Imogen has court on Friday." He doesn't miss a beat with his retort. "I'm suing a competitor so she's focused on that. She's drawn up the documents for the sale of the rights of the software so you just need to fly there, get them signed and fly back."
I always refer trips like this to Imogen Ford, the legal expert at Corteck. She's constantly asking either Clive or me if there's any way she can get out of the office for a few days. It's actually the perfect getaway for her. "She can't switch her court date? Can't you sue whoever you're suing this week another time?"
"You're not funny," he mutters under his breath. "The trip will be a good distraction for you. I know that Caleb's brother is still missing."
It's a thought that never escapes me. I think about it the moment I open my eyes in the morning and it's the last thought that drifts across my mind before I close my eyes at night. I panic at times, like I did this morning when I was in the shower, but I have to trust in Asher. He wouldn't hurt himself or put himself in peril. He's worked too hard these past few months to piece his life back together. Throwing that all away just to chase a fleeting high doesn't make sense to me. I may be foolish to believe that he's changed as much as I hope he has but the alternative is to sit and fret over his safety. I can't do that. I'll drive myself to the brink of insanity if I do.
"I need to be there on Friday?"
"You can fly in on Friday morning and be on your way back to solid ground within a couple of hours." He nods in the direction of my laptop. "I'll email you all the details."
I absolutely hate the thought of leaving New York right now with the weight of Asher's disappearance hanging over my head but I know that the time away will do me good. It's a change of scenery and it's also an escape from the gnawing ache I feel inside over what happened between Caleb and me. "I'll take care of it."
"I knew you would, Rowan." He tosses me a wide grin. "You never let me down."
***
"I let Asher down," Gabriel embraces me the moment I step off the private elevator and into his penthouse. It's been months since I've seen the eldest Foster brother. He hasn't changed at all. He's still as devastatingly handsome as I remember him.
"No." I push my hands into his. "Asher has always talked about how much you've done for him. He looks up to you."
"Listen to you." He steps back slightly. "You're the voice of reason."
Hearing the words from Gabriel brings me comfort and serenity. He's the calmest and most centered of the clan. He's thirty-two now and the man I see standing before me is just an older version of the boy who used to stand on my stoop telling me about the different constellations in the night sky. He's always been studious, reserved and brilliant. "I'm the voice of hope."
"That you are." He drops my hands as he turns towards the open space. "Do you want something, Rowan? I have some coffee made or I can whip up a cocktail."
I'm tempted to ask him for a Cosmopolitan. It's been an incredibly long day and the only bright spot was the knowledge that I'd be standing in his apartment looking at him. "I'm fine. I don't need anything."