"What?" My bottom lip trembles. "Just say it."
"It's Asher." His eyes fill with tears. "I'm so sorry."
A slow realization pours through me and I feel one solitary tear fall down my cheek. "What about him? He's in Brussels with your mom. He told me he was going there."
"No," he says through a sob.
"No?" I try to break free of his grasp. I pull him so far forward that he reaches back to slam my apartment door closed with his foot.
"He's not in Brussels." His grip tightens on my arm. "He never went there. I've been trying to find him for days."
"Where is he?" I point towards the window. "We can go find him."
"We can't." His hand leaves my shoulder and jumps to his chest. "He's gone, Bell."
"No," I say louder. "He's not. Don't say that."
"It's the truth." He swallows hard as he says the words. "They found a body this morning in a hotel on the lower East Side. There were drugs in the room."
"No," I scream the word so loud that it bounces off the walls of the almost barren apartment. "No."
"I have to go identify him." His eyes close. "I need you to come with me. Please, Rowan, come with me."
I lean forward to rest my head on his chin as I nod slowly. "I'll go. I know it's not him. Asher wouldn't do this to us. You'll see."
Chapter 18
We haven't spoken a word to each other since we left the morgue. We also haven't let go of one another's hands since the stretcher with the body was brought towards us. When the woman in charge pulled down the sheet, Caleb had gasped. I'd stood next to him stoic and silent.
"I don't want to go home," he says as much to me as to the driver of the car. He'd called one of the company's drivers into action when the police had called him. "Take us back to Rowan's apartment."
My eyes fall to my lap to where our hands are still tightly woven together. I'm grateful that he's not dumping me back at my place before he goes to shelter himself in his own apartment.
I hold tight to his hand when the driver opens the back door of the car. I allow Caleb to help me out and I lean into his body as we move silently through the lobby of my building and into the elevator.
"Can I stay all day?" The words come out in a low growl. "I want to stay all day."
I nod against his chest, closing my eyes briefly to try to find the strength I'll need to walk from the bank of elevators to my apartment door.
"Is your roommate home?" He fumbles with my keys as we step off the lift.
I pull on the sleeve of his shirt, wanting him to raise his arm. He acquiesces and I twist it around so I can look at the watch. "He meets a friend for coffee on Saturday mornings. He's gone by now."
He opens the door before pushing it open. He holds my hand as he pulls me inside.
"Do you want some coffee?" I glance towards the small galley kitchen. "We have coffee. I can make some."
"I want to go to bed." He finally drops my hand as his fingers fly to the buttons of his shirt. "I need to close my eyes."
I nod silently as I turn towards the hallway. "You can rest in my bed. I'll show you."
"Come with me, Bell." He wraps his arm around my waist. "Lay with me."
I don't respond. I rest my hands over his arm, step forward and lead him into my bedroom before I shut the door behind us.
***
"I fell asleep." His breath is against my cheek. "How long have I been sleeping?"
I glance at my phone. I've been holding tightly to it since I laid next to Caleb after he slid his shirt from his shoulders and fell into my bed. I'd watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he drifted off to sleep. I listened to the soft sound of his snoring when he turned towards me and I'd cupped my hand over his cheek when he mumbled something I couldn't quite understand. "It's been about three hours."
"You haven't slept." He gestures towards my phone. "Have you been on that since we got here?"
"No." I twist around so I can rest it on the edge of my bedside table. "I was just texting my friend. I was supposed to meet her for lunch today."
Normally he'd be shooting off questions about who I'm meeting and where. "I feel numb, Rowan. I feel numb inside."
I shift my body until my head is resting back on my pillow. I pull on the bottom of the sweatshirt I'd put on before we'd left my apartment this morning. Caleb had barely given me enough time to yank on a pair of jeans and rummage for a shirt before he'd pulled me into the hallway.
"You were so strong today." He brushes a piece of my hair from my forehead. "How did you get to be so strong?"
"I'm not strong." I smile softly. "I just knew it wasn't him."
His eyes rake over my face stopping when they reach mine. "You didn't believe it was him for a minute, did you?"