“I hate pearls,” I whisper. “I hate high places. And I hate hospitals.” I spent so much time in them that I’d rather avoid them.
“I’ll pen that in, then,” he says and rocks me slightly, back and forth—as if I’m the one who needs comforting after what he told me.
Maybe I am.
I’ve only been staying with Zane for three days now, but we already have a routine. A pleasant routine. He makes coffee in the morning. I have dinner ready when he comes home at night. We kiss, we explore each other’s bodies, learning how and where to touch. Where not to touch and what not to do.
It’s been pretty simple so far. He’ll touch me with his fingers or mouth until I come, and then he’ll enter me until we both come. Like a tried recipe, the positions change marginally on occasion. Zane likes routine. He likes safe. No surprises.
Although it’s odd that we don’t sleep in the same bed, it feels good to see him smile. He has a beautiful smile that lights up his eyes. He really should smile more.
Then it’s Saturday morning, and he’s not smiling. At all. As I wander into the kitchen, I find him slouched in his chair, his cell in his hand. It’s off, the screen black.
“Hey.” I slide into the seat next to him. I’m dressed in another of his T-shirts and normally—in the routine we’ve established—this is something that drives him crazy.
Not today. He nods but says nothing. Doesn’t look up.
Worried, I squeeze his arm. “Are you all right?”
He nods again, an automatic motion. “Yeah. I have to go.”
I blink. “Go where?”
He frowns, then pockets the phone. He’s dressed in T-shirt and long jeans. Ready to leave. “Visit my sister.”
“Okay.” I wet my lips, trying to think. “Can I come with you?”
“No.”
His curt reply stings. But why should it? It’s not like I’m his girlfriend or anything. We don’t even sleep together in the same bed. “I could help.”
“You can’t.” He pushes off the table and stands up, his face set in hard lines. “Got to go.”
“Wait.” I scramble to my feet, panicking. “Where will you be? Are you sure I shouldn’t come? I could drive, wherever it is, and I could bring you coffee and sandwiches, and—”
“I said no.” His gaze softens for a moment. “Not this time.”
My heart hurts, but I force myself to nod.
“I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. Will you be okay?”
“Yeah. I’m meeting Audrey for coffee today, and Tessa is organizing another picnic in the park tomorrow. Besides, I have some work to finish.”
It’s all true, and yet I don’t want him to go. I like being with him, having his attention on me, his teasing, his hands on me… I’ll miss him, I realize with a jolt.
“Do you mind if I stay a few more days here?” I whisper, wiggling my bare toes on the floor. I need to repaint my nails, I think randomly. “I may have something lined up, but it’s not sure yet.”
“Come here.” He opens his arms, and I walk into them with relief. “You can stay here as long as you need. I wish…”
I wait for him to finish, but he doesn’t. He holds me against his chest, his arms strong and secure around me.
I wish we could stay like this forever.
“Need to get going,” he whispers.
I let him go, though I hate it. I hate being apart from him. I hate seeing him so stressed and sad.
I’d tell him to write down all these things I hate in my folder, but he’s already leaving.
After Zane is gone, I wander the empty apartment. I don’t know why I’m in such a funk. I want to know what’s wrong with his sister, but I’m scared to ask. Scared I’ll press him too much, too soon, and he’ll push me away. Scared to make him relive the pain. That everything I do hurts him, when all I want is to see that smile on his face.
Zane is complicated. This is complicated. But I’ve never felt more alive. Never felt happier than when I’m with him.
And now I’m scaring myself, because it is too much, too soon.
I meet Audrey at a new cafe downtown. She’s all smiles, happiness radiating from her face like the freaking sun. She’s been that way ever since Asher moved in with her. They’re such a cute couple.
“Where is your other half?” I nudge her with my elbow as I take my seat and grab the menu. “Is he hiding under your chair?”
She laughs. “Yeah, right.” Like the rest of the Brotherhood, Asher is over six foot of muscled hawtness. Hard to miss in a room, really.
“How is he?”
“Great. Passed his GED.”
“That’s awesome!” It really is. Audrey told me Asher missed so much school he thought he’d never catch up. “We should celebrate.”
“What did you think tomorrow’s picnic in the park was about?” She falls silent when the waiter arrives to take my order, then leans forward again. “How’s Zane?”
I don’t even know how to begin answering this. Hot? Awesome? Sex on legs? Funny and charming? Sad, damaged, dark and brooding… Hurting. “He’s fine.”
“Tess says you’re staying with him.” I swear her green eyes frigging twinkle. God, I’m like Grumpy Cat. “What’s going on? Are you guys, like, officially together?”
Couldn’t be any further from ‘officially’ than we are now. I mean, sex and joking around don’t count, do they?
“I’m just staying with him until I find a new roommate.” I pray the coffee comes soon to give me something to do with my hands. I was looking forward to meeting Audrey, and now I feel like running.
“I see.” She’s still smiling though, and I wonder what exactly it is she sees. “Do you like him?”
Like him? I freaking love him.
Oh sweet Jesus. “He’s okay, I guess.”
“He’s hot.”
I laugh. Audrey is watching me like I’m Santa. Like she’s expecting more. More joy. More surprises. More magic.
“He’s hot,” I agree. How can anyone deny it? “And nice.”
“Ah.” Looking pleased, she leans back as the waiter brings my coffee.
Sugar, no milk. As it’s written in my folder.
A pang goes through my chest. I shouldn’t be missing Zane so much already. He’s only been gone a couple of hours.
“Audrey… what do you know about Zane’s sister?”
Her cinnamon brows lift, and she pushes a fiery-red strand of hair behind her ear. “His sister? Not much. I’m not that close to Zane. You should ask Erin.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know Erin that well.”
“What’s wrong?”
“His sister is sick. I don’t know what she has, but it must be bad. Zane is concerned.”
The understatement of the year.
“Maybe Ash knows. Shall we ask him now?”
I take a deep breath. “See, I knew he was hiding under your chair.”
She laughs and pulls out her cell phone. “He and the guys are hanging out at Damage Control. They’re…” She presses her lips together, and I don’t like the concern tightening her fine features.
“Audrey?”
“Sorry. They’re worried about Dylan. Tessa is beside herself with frustration, but as long as Dylan doesn’t tell us what exactly is the problem, there’s not much we can do.”