I was certain of that. She had heard of how I brought pain and death to all that I touched. And maybe she had heard of my supposed madness, too, that I was too insane to speak, like a diseased animal.
Making sure that Akos’s hand was still on my arm, I stretched out a hand for her to take, curious to see if she would. She did. Her hand looked delicate, but it felt callused, and I wondered how it had gotten that way.
“I think we should trade stories,” I said, careful. If the renegades didn’t already know who she was, it was better not to tell them, for her safety. “Somewhere private.”
Teka approached us. I almost laughed at the bright eye patch she wore; though I didn’t know her well, it seemed just like her to call attention to the missing eye instead of disguising it.
“Cyra,” she said to me. “Good to see you’re feeling better.”
I stepped away from Akos’s steadying hand, so the currentshadows spread over my body again. They were so different now, winding around my fingers like tendrils of hair instead of coursing through them like veins. My shirt was stained with blood and sliced open where they had applied the stitching cloth, and I was bruised in more places than I could count. Still, I tried to pretend I had some dignity.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” I said to Teka. “I assume, based on our past interactions, that there’s something you’d like in return.”
“We can get to that later,” Teka said, lip curling. “I think it’s safe to say our interests align, though. If you want to clean up, there’s running water in this building. Hot water. Pick an apartment, any apartment.”
“Luxury of luxuries,” I said. I looked to Isae. “Maybe you should come with us. We have a lot to catch up on.”
I did the best I could to pretend I was all right until we reached one of the stairwells, out of sight. Then I stopped to lean into one of the walls, breathless. My skin pulsed around the silverskin. Akos’s touch was taking away the pain of my currentgift, but there was nothing he could do to save me from the rest, the carving of my flesh, the battles I had fought for my own life.
“Okay, this is just ridiculous,” Akos said. He put a hand behind my knees and swung me into his arms, not quite as gently as I would have liked. But I was too tired to object. The toes of my shoes skimmed the walls as he carried me up the stairs.
We found an apartment on the second floor that seemed relatively intact. It was dusty, and the half of the living room that remained overlooked the hollowed-out area where the ship was parked, so we could see what the renegades were doing, rolling out sleeping pallets, sorting through supplies, building a fire in the small furnace they had probably dragged from one of the apartments.
The bathroom, next to the living room, was comfortable and expansive, with a bathtub in the center of the room and a sink at the side. The floor was made of blue glass tiles. Akos tested the faucets, which sputtered at first, but still worked, as Teka had promised.
I was torn, for a moment, between cleaning myself up and talking to Isae Benesit.
“I can wait,” Isae said, when she noticed my indecision. “I would be too distracted to have a meaningful conversation with you while you’re covered in blood anyway.”
“Yes, I’m hardly fit for a chancellor’s company,” I said, a little edge in my voice. As if it was my fault that I was covered in blood. As if I needed the reminder.
“I spent most of my life in a little cruiser vessel that smelled like feet,” she replied. “I’m hardly fit for my own company, by the usual definitions.”
She picked up one of the large cushions in the living room and smacked it with the flat of her hand, sending a cloud of dust into the air. After brushing it off, she set it down and sat on top of it, somehow managing to look elegant while she found her balance. Cisi took a seat beside her, though with less ceremony, giving me a warm smile. I was puzzled by her gift, how it slowed my turbulent thoughts and made my worst memories feel further away. I sensed that being around her could become addictive, if you had enough discomfort.
Akos was still in the bathroom. He had plugged the bathtub drain and turned on the faucets. Now he was undoing the straps of his armor with quick, nimble fingers.
“Don’t tell me you don’t need my help,” he said to me. “I won’t believe you.”
I stepped out of sight of the living room and tried to lift my shirt over my head. I only made it up to my stomach before I had to stop for breath. Akos set his armor down and took the hem of my shirt from me. I laughed, softly, as he guided it over my head and down my arms and said, “This is awkward.”
“Yes it is,” he said. He kept his eyes on my face. He was blushing.
I had not allowed myself to imagine a situation like this, his fingers brushing my arms, the memory of his mouth on mine so close I could still feel it.