“Please…?” she begs, and I doubt she even knows the pain she’s causing me with these words. Before I can respond, Torch is banging on the window. I give Beth one last pained look, then hit the button to roll the window down.
“You okay, boss? It’s not safe to stay out in the open like this too long,” Torch says, and he’s right. As it is, I’m in a cage and have five men following me on their bikes. I feel like a sad fucker, but I can’t take any chances with Beth. “Boss?” he prompts when I don’t respond.
I don’t look at him. I don’t take my eyes off of Beth. “Change of plans for now. We’re going back to the compound.”
“But, boss…”
“I said we’re going home. Load them up.”
“I’m sorry,” Beth says, still crying. I wish I knew what the fuck to say to her. I turn back around and start up my vehicle.
“So am I,” I mutter. “So am I.” Then, I pull out onto the road.
It’s a quiet ride back to the compound. I chance a look over at Beth every now and then and she’s just staring out the window while silent tears fall down her face. If she’s so torn up over this shit, then why wouldn’t she say yes? I don’t get it. How the fuck did I get here? I should have just carted her ass in the house and told her didn’t have a choice, but hell. I want her to say yes because she wants to be my wife. Jesus. Listen to me. I sound like some sad Dear Abby fuck. I never wanted to get married in my life and here I am, bending for a woman. Fuck that, I’m bending over backwards.
We get out and I know I have to let off some steam or I’m going to say something I regret. “Torch?”
“Yeah, boss?”
“Make sure Beth is safe and gets back to our room below.”
“Hey wait, Kemosabe! Where are you going?” Briar asks me.
“To pound something,” I growl back.
“Skull—” Beth cries.
“Later, Beth. Just… later,” I tell her because I’m just about done for the night. I need to go pound the gym bag, something to vent. I don’t want to hurt her. I know she’s dealing with a lot too, but son of a bitch, that shit… hurts. Jesus, I do sound like Dear Abby.
“Can I join you, boss?” Sabre asks.
“Only if you don’t mind me pounding your ugly face,” I tell him, still walking and not turning around.
“Same goes, boss. Same goes.”
“Skull!” I hear Beth call my name. Maybe I’m a fucking bastard, but I still don’t turn around.
I watch Skull walk away and I want to run after him. What can I say? Do I tell him about my father? How will he feel when he knows I do have Donahue blood? I can’t barely understand or believe all of the things I’ve learned today. When Skull told me he wanted to marry me, I panicked. I wanted to scream, jump, and shout yes!
But how can I marry him if I know that I’m going to end up leaving? Am I going to leave? Can I stay and risk Skull’s life?
I’m supposed to meet with Redmond tomorrow. Jesus, it sounds so weird even calling him that. I want to scream at him and ask where he was when I was diagnosed with cancer. If he’s so concerned about saving me, where was he when I truly needed him back in my corner? How could he stand to let my mother just leave with me? I have so many questions. So, regardless of what my final decision is, I know that I’m going to see Redmond again and hear him out. I can’t stop myself.
I go through the motions on autopilot getting ready for bed. Brush my hair, teeth, clean off my makeup, slip on one of Skull’s t-shirts, and the pink boy-cut panties he likes so much.
By the time I’m done, he’s still not back. This is bad for me because it gives me way too much time to think. I need to talk to Skull. If I tell him about Pistol, what will the fallout be? Will I end up getting Skull killed? What if I tell him about my dad? What can I tell him that won’t make everything a hundred times worse? I close my eyes and try to still my brain. Immediately, a picture of Skull comes to mind.
I don’t want to leave him. I think the best thing to do is wait. My father won’t like me putting him off, but I need to think. Skull could be right. He could win this war. My father admitted he had taken some serious hits. Latch’s words keep coming back to me. I need to have faith in my man. That’s what he said and he’s right. I love Skull. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I need to have faith that he can handle this.