“Men,” I say, addressing them. “I should have thought more about how my actions would affect each of you. I don’t normally back down from a fucking fight—and Beth is my old lady, that made her one of us—but doing that cost Beast something so precious I can’t begin to imagine how he will live with that. That’s on me. This is my fucking fault. I shouldn’t have claimed Beth and went full steam ahead.”
“Boss,” they all start. Well, not all; Pistol’s shooting me I-told-you-so’s from across the room, even if he isn’t giving them voice.
“No, let me finish,” I insist. “I made a mistake, and for that I’m sorry.”
The room is silent.
“You would have let her go and backed away to keep from going into war?” This comes from Briar and I can hear the disgust in his voice.
“Fuck, no. I would have claimed her anyway. I just would’ve thought twice about making it my club’s problem. Beth’s my woman. I’m not giving her up for anyone.”
“Then fuck you. We’re a club because we have each other’s backs. That includes Beth. Besides, I like her.”
“Same here,” Torch speaks up, but he doesn’t look away from the monitor he and Sabre are working on. In fact, every member here, even Pistol, seem to agree. I still feel the guilt in my stomach, but that tight knot inside me loosens at their support.
Then the fireworks start. Colin and Matthew’s house blasts apart before our eyes. Honestly, we put twice the charge in that fucker. We had to. We knew we wouldn’t get a second chance, and it was harder than hell to get through the gates, even disguised as groundskeepers and security guards. Still, it’s done, and every fucker in the room cheers.
In a few days, their private yacht and some of their favorite things will be toast. They wanted war and the motherfuckers are getting it, one delicious slice at a time.
When I woke up and found Skull gone, my heart hurt. I still can’t believe this mess went so horribly wrong that it took Beast’s beautiful little daughter’s life. I’m consumed by guilt. If I had just given Skull up when Colin demanded it, none of this would have happened. What makes that thought even worse is that, despite everything, I don’t know if I could go back and give him up. I don’t know what kind of horrible person that makes me, but I know it’s disgusting.
I slide out of bed and decide to go and find him. I want to hold onto him. I hope tonight delivers the message that Skull wants to get across. I’m praying it ends the war before it can escalate further. I just don’t think it will. I look around the hall of the shelter, but luckily everything looks pretty deserted, probably because it’s so late. Skull said he’d hoped to be back by nightfall, but they had some problems infiltrating the house that Colin and Matthew owned even with me giving them security codes. I can’t figure out why they hadn’t changed the codes, but I figure it’s arrogance. I honestly don’t think Colin thought I would betray him. Then again, he thinks I’m eventually going to cave and accept that I will be his one day. I’d rather die.
Once I’m at the main structure, I make my way to Skull’s office. The door is open, but I’m frozen in my tracks as I watch the explosions on the television screen. My hand comes to my mouth as I try and stop sound. I recognize each of the places, of course, and one after one I watch as they are destroyed. As I watch each of the businesses go up in smoke, I feel hope bloom in my chest. Maybe Skull was right and Colin didn’t know who he was messing with. I should have had more faith. I start to go into the room to be there with Skull. I want us to be side by side as we watch Colin’s house go up in flames. Maybe a little of Skull’s attitude is rubbing off on me. I smile at the thought, but before I can take one step, I freeze.
“… Beth is my old lady, that made her one of us—but doing that cost Beast something so precious I can’t begin to imagine how he will live with that. That’s on me. This is my fucking fault. I shouldn’t have claimed Beth and went full steam ahead.”
His words strike me and each feels as if someone is driving a nail through my heart. The final blow is the one that wounds me in ways that I will never heal from: I shouldn’t have claimed, Beth. I knew Skull would regret it. All along I did, but he kept insisting he wouldn’t. He got upset with me when I tried to leave and now he’s just as good as telling his men I shouldn’t be here, that being with me was wrong… is wrong.
I feel the tears fall again. I need to get away before Skull sees me. If he does, he’s liable to lie to me again because he doesn’t want to hurt me. It’s better I found out his true feelings now. I can’t even be mad at him. I felt the same way before he convinced me I was wrong.
I back away slowly and, only when I’m at the end of the hallway, far away from Skull’s office, do I take off running. I make it back to my room, slam the door, then lay on the bed and let the tears fall. There’s a chance that Skull is successful tonight, and if he is, maybe it won’t matter anymore.