“It’s kind of in the middle, Shane. And we’ll both be closer to Port Royal, too, so quit complaining.”
I never thought being closer to Port Royal would be a consideration, but now that my father is gone, well, I guess it is. My mother is buried here. Jo is buried here. And now Joseph has had a proper burial here too. It feels right that we might come back here once in a while and visit them.
“You’re both lucky, I suppose,” Tina says. “You’re creative types. You can work anywhere in the world.”
“Exactly.” I hold up my own shot of whiskey and the other guys clink their glasses against mine. “And there are plenty of things to paint and take pictures of in Colorado, too.”
Callan gives me a secret smile. He kisses me lightly, brushing a stray wisp of hair out of my face as he peppers my cheek with soft touches from his lips.
My heart feels so full. When Ezra called and told me I needed to come back here, it felt like the hardest thing in the world. I didn’t think I was going to make it. The darkness that I associated with this place, the darkness that fueled my demons threatened to drag me under once and for all. I never imagined that coming back here would instead fix anything. Lay some of those demons to rest. I’m not foolish enough to think that I’m free and clear of the baggage I’ve been dragging around with me since I left twelve years ago, but now I don’t know. Somehow, that baggage seems more manageable. At some point in the future, I get the feeling that the weight of my burdens might even become barely noticeable.
Callan peppers me with kisses again. “Come outside with me,” he whispers. “I have something I want to give to you.” I think my panic must show on my face. He laughs. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing scary.”
In front of the bar, Callan reaches into his pocket and pulls out something that makes my eyes prick: it’s a disposable camera, exactly the same as the ones he used to give me when we were together before. He looks pained, almost embarrassed even. “I thought about just getting you a point and shoot camera. Would have been much easier for you to use and much smaller, too. But…I don’t know.” He shrugs with one shoulder as he holds it out to me. “I was hoping that you’d restart our little challenge. This time fuck ten years, though. We should develop these pictures after a year. And we should do it together.”
He told me how he’d developed my pictures and found my painting of the three birds. At some point we’ll go through the remainder of the cameras and develop them all. There are countless stories, jokes and secrets stored on those rolls of film. It would be a shame not to revisit them, even if they do bring up painful memories from the past. I take the disposable camera from him, grinning down at it. “Sure. I think that would be fun. I’m looking forward to it.” Looking down at the body of the camera, I see that the small window displaying how many shots have been taken is already set to thirty-one again, just like it was when Callan gave me that very first camera on my birthday.
“You cheated again?” I ask, pointing at the small white number through the plastic. “Is this another I love you message? Because if it is, you’re a little behind the curve ball on that one, Callan Cross. I figured that out a long time ago.”
Callan bites back a smile, taking me into his arms. I have to crane my neck to look up at him, squinting a little like I don’t trust him. Callan may be doing a fantastic job of pretending that he doesn’t want to grin like an idiot right now, but he can’t hide what’s in his eyes. “It’s not that, I promise,” he says.
“Are you going to tell me what it is?”
Slowly, he shakes his head from side to side. “You’ll just have to stick with me long enough to find out, won’t you?”
“Looks that way.” I hold the camera up to my face, taking a huge step back so I can get him all in. He laughs as I take a picture of him, head kicked back, his throat exposed to the lens. He looks perfect in that moment—peaceful, somehow. Relaxed, like everything is finally falling into place. And I suppose it really is.
Callan takes the camera from me and winds on the film, flashing me his teeth. Meanwhile, his eyes flash with mischief and desire. We haven’t slept together since the night he burned down Malcolm’s house. We’ve spent every waking moment together, kissing and holding one another, caressing and loving, but he hasn’t been inside me. I can tell tonight that’s going to change, though.