*This love tunnel, this thatched cottage,
This mountain majesty, this seat of Venus,
This other Eden, demi-pubes,
This valley built by Nature for her hand
Against infection (eww) and the hand of man,
This happy O, this little beaver,
This precious peach set in the red sea,
Which serves it on the office desk
Or with a dildo at home,
Against the envy of less happier cocks,--
This Lawrence of a Labia, this Notorious V.A.G., this Velvet Glove, this Vagina.
I stop blinking and smirk. Like the day I met him I plaster on the most fake smile I can muster, push my hand into Tiffany's bony one and give a punishing shake. Her grin slips into a painful grimace and she snaps her hand back, subtly trying to massage out the pain.
This is where I go overboard. Only Aria knows of my "psycho" tendencies when I am in stress. Well, stress that deals with men. I'm like a car accident, you don't want to look but you really actually do.
"Girlfriend! Well that is so great!" I squeal at the top of my lungs and then turn to my friends nodding furiously. "Isn't that great you guys and isn't she beautiful?"
I push out of the seat and throw my arms around Tiffany like she is the best friend I am reuniting with after a prolonged absence. As if I'm not acting bizarre enough I start to jump up and down and snort while still attached to her.
"Oh, Tiffany, I mean it you are simply divine." I feel a hand tugging at my arm and look back to see Aria glaring at me shaking her head while mouthing the word "no" to me. Stumbling back I hit the table and watch as the milkshake finally tips, rolls in my direction and splatters all over my jeans.
It's cold. Feels like icy shards of glass scraping down my leg but I'm still smiling like a loon.
"Are you all right, Ms. Drake?" Mr. Payne asks with the same expression he had on his face when I almost passed out during the interview.
Oh mighty gods of THE, keeper of all things THE, please don't let me punch him. Please.
"I'm fine." I growl at him between clenched teeth.
That answer should tell him to back away slowly because I'm feeling stabby. If a woman answers that she is okay, then she is okay. If a woman answers she is mad, she is pissed. If a woman answers she is "fine," it's too late for you, just hope it's over quickly.
I feel the hand yank me away from the table and I stumble along. Aria pulls me into a bathroom that makes airplane lavatories look spacious. I manage to squeeze past her to sit on the toilet so I have some room.
"Morgana, do you know why a dick gets hard?"
I roll my eyes and give in, "No why does a dick get hard, Aria?"
"To stay in shape."
I start blinking again at her. She shrugs and leans back on the wood grained wall.
"It's a scientific fact that a penis needs to periodically be engorged to maintain a healthy tone."
I'm still blinking but finally just shut my eyes and sigh. Then I groan and drop my head between my legs.
"How was that a joke or relevant in any way, Aria?"
"I just thought it was interesting. Plus it helped take your mind off of Mr. Payne for a moment."
She's right. The woman may make terrible jokes, but she is the best person I know who can divert my attention from the horribleness of my life. Right now only heroin might be a better distraction.
Aria is on her knees wiping the chocolate from my leg with a wet paper towel. For the first time in the past ten minutes my lips curve into a genuine smile. As shitty as Mr. Payne has been I still have the people who really love and care about me.
"Thank you, Aria, for being my friend." I brush my hand through her platinum hair.
She looks up at me and smirks while shrugging her shoulders.
"If I didn't become your friend who would?"
"And there it is. I was happy for that one second and then impaled in the heart once more." I wink at her. Her eyes go wide and there is an odd expression on her face.
"Uh, Morgana, you know we are only friends. Just because your grandma wants us to hook up doesn't mean we should. And even if we did, a diner bathroom is not what I would have in mind."
I remove my hand from her hair and give a playful smack on the shoulder. There is a knock at the door.
"Ms. Drake, I need to speak with you." Mr. Payne's voice bellows through the door.
Aria gets up and nods. She loosens the top three buttons on my sweater and pushes it open to reveal enough cleavage for a man to fall into. I shove her hands away.
"You have to show him what he's missing, Morgana." She winks back at me tossing the wet towel in the trash and opens the bathroom door before I have time to protest. Aria strolls to Henrik and points her thumb at me.
"She's all yours. Oh, and my father is a lawyer. So, fuck with her and I will lawyer the crap out of all of this." She waves her hand around his body and then turns to go.
Mr. Payne shakes his head and walks into the bathroom, shutting it behind him. This is a really popular bathroom I'm guessing.