"That was just to trick you sweets! Your mom wanted to surprise you for your birthday. Did you bring that internet man of yours or that other one? Payne was it, the one you told me about a few months ago? I can't wait to meet him. It is a him right?"
I roll my eyes at her. My grandma has a bet with her knitting group that she meets with online (didn't know that was a thing, but there you go) that she has the most modern, hip family. So, since her kids are happily married, never divorced and her two grandkids, me and my brother, are both typical adults with nothing out of the ordinary happening in our lives, she is hoping I'm a homosexual or at least bi-sexual. Unfortunately for her I am neither, but she is still persistent.
"Yes, Grandma. But he isn't my man, he's my boss, remember I told you that."
"What's this I hear about a man? Morgana you have a man in your life?" My father’s voice barrels over the noise from the baseball game.
There is silence as I hear the television being switched off. I look over and see the men and 'about to be dumped' girl coming toward us. She is pretty with a short brown pixie cut and large gray eyes. They are all glaring at me as if I am a space alien who walked in and said hi.
"The man Grandma is referring to is my boss, Mr. Payne. There is nothing going on with us. The most that is happening is I am going on a trip to London with him next week for business. That’s all."
My father's jaw is twitching and he has raised his head as tall as he can get. Daniel glances at Dad and then mimics his behavior.
"What has this Payne done to you Morgana? Do I need to pay him a visit?"
My father is now cracking his knuckles and my brother tries desperately to do the same with no effect.
"Dad! No, why is everyone acting like I've been attacked? He's my boss. We don't always get along, but that happens a lot with bosses and their assistants."
"I don't think we’ve met, I'm Penny by the way." Daniel's eye candy extends her arm at the worst time as I shake it giving her a crooked smile.
"I could have sworn it started with a J," mom mumbles under her breath, shaking her head. She shrugs her shoulders and walks back into the kitchen.
Suddenly I am being pulled into a suffocating bear hug by my dad. He leans down to whisper in my ear, "If that man ever hurts my baby girl you let me know and I will speak to him."
I manage to break free from his death grip and nod.
"Fine Dad."
"That goes for me too, Sis." Daniel hits me on my back knocking the wind out of me for a few seconds. He isn't touchy-feely like my dad. The most I will get from Daniel is a slap to the head or wrist burn to show he cares.
"I'm going into the kitchen before I die," I squeak out, trying to catch my breath.
Sitting back on the bar stool I watch as my grandma pushes my mom aside to take over with the mashed potatoes.
"Annette, please let me help. You go spend some time with your daughter."
That is my grandma's way of telling my mom that she is doing it wrong. Mom’s a baker, but hates cooking, so she doesn’t mind grandma taking over. Makes no sense to me, but that's how she is. She comes and sits beside me trying to push some loose tendrils behind my ears.
"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are Morgana?"
"All the time, Mom."
"Well, it's true. If that Mr. Payne can't see that then he isn't worth your energy."
It's going to be like this all night isn't it? Just focus on London, oh and your date tomorrow, and you will make it through this night.
"It doesn't matter about Mr. Payne, Mom, because I met a guy online anyway."
Her green eyes light up and she grins, transforming into a thirty-something right before my eyes. “Details Morgana! Tell me all about him!”
I blush and look down at my clasped hands.
"His name is Ric and he works retail, so we work in the same industry. He loves comedy movies like me. He is a big Coen brothers fan, and we are meeting tomorrow for coffee."
She is nodding her head.
"Yeah, so what does he look like?"
"I find out tomorrow. We haven't exchanged pictures yet. We want it to be a surprise."
She claps her hands together and looks over at my grandma who is still focused on the pots in front of her.
"How romantic. How will you know each other? Are you both going to wear carnations or something?"
"Umbrellas."
My mom scrunches her brow.
"How do you wear umbrellas? Is that new lingo for something else?"
"No, he's going to bring a blue plaid umbrella and I am going to bring my red umbrella."
"Oh I get it. I am so excited for you, love. You will have to tell me all about it. Did I tell you about how your father and I met?"
She looks dreamily off into the distance and I know there is no point in telling her that yes she has told me a hundred times how they met. So I just shrug in response.
"It was thirty five years ago and James and I worked together. We were just co-workers, but it was very frowned upon to have interoffice relations, especially in the military. Then one day we got trapped in the supply closet. Only we weren't trapped, he purposely locked us in there to be alone with me."
My mom sighs while I hear my grandma snort.