“I didn’t ask him to do that! That had nothing to do with my ability. I stopped Valko from kissing me—from hurting me. That’s pitiful next to what you’re talking about. He won’t relinquish the throne of his empire because I whisper comforting words in his ear!”
Anton’s conviction didn’t falter. “It was no small thing for him to let you go that night, not after what he lost because he couldn’t bear losing you. He wants you, so very, very badly. He could charm a snail from its shell, and yet you keep him in check. Do you know how many women he’s seduced?”
I thought of Pia succumbing to the emperor’s kiss—Pia, who was devoted to Yuri. “Valko only wants me because I pull back. I’m a game to him.”
“It doesn’t matter the reason, whether it has to do with you or with me.”
My heart gave a funny little jump. “What do you mean with you?”
He shut his eyes, as if catching himself. A cascade of warmth flooded into me, distracting me from the magnitude of Anton’s request. It shivered across my skin and awakened me with sensation. The prince opened his eyes to look at our joined hands. His own softened over mine. “Valko lusts for power,” he said carefully. “I believe his desire for you equals his desire for Riaznin.” His gaze lifted and roamed over my face.
He hadn’t answered my question, not directly, but at the moment I didn’t care. The way he was staring at my lips made me feel beautiful, priceless, wanted. I inhaled a shaky breath and tried to steel myself back to what we were talking about. I couldn’t think of a thing to say except that I could never accomplish what he was asking of me.
“My failure in this will mean my death, and the death of everyone I care about.” Tola, Dasha. They wouldn’t last long here. You. I searched Anton’s eyes. This impossible plan also put his life at stake. Valko would discover his involvement, I was sure of it. I couldn’t bear the thought of bringing him any harm.
“Why didn’t you dance with me at the ball?” The words tumbled out of my mouth of their own volition.
His gaze flashed up to mine, his aura echoing my own surprise with myself. “It’s late,” he said. “We can talk more tomorrow night.” He let go of my hands, but I caught his back.
“Why?”
“Dancing with you would have been inappropriate,” he said matter-of-factly and looked away.
I angled closer and tried to force him to look at me. “It was more than that.”
He set his jaw. “Because it would upset Valko, and I knew he would exact his anger on you as a result.”
“He wasn’t there.”
“There were eyes and ears enough for him.”
I supposed I could understand that, but—“There is no one with us now.”
Anton frowned and his brows hitched together. His aggravation warred with the warm feeling still sliding beneath my skin. Cocking a sardonic half smile, which looked false on him, he asked, “Are you asking me to a midnight waltz?”
“Don’t make light of me. I’m not a child.”
His smile dropped. “No. You’re an Auraseer.” His tone was so accusatory, I knew I’d discovered the meat of the matter.
“You don’t trust my feelings?” For you, I wanted to add, but I was too swollen with hurt.
His hands in mine went stiff. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“From yourself?”
He lowered his gaze to the floor. “From any emotions that don’t belong to you. You suffer enough as it is.”
I let go of his hands. Frustrated tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to break something. Find a mirror and shatter it to prove it wasn’t me and wouldn’t make me bleed. As difficult as it was for the prince, he’d just admitted that he cared about me—and not in the brotherly way I’d always tricked myself into believing, but the achingly beautiful way that made me want to fold myself into him.
I didn’t. I backed away, my tears spilling over. “Suffer?” I bit out. “This”—I gestured to the space between us—“this is suffering.”
“Sonya.” He gave me a pleading look.
“You don’t trust me!” I wiped at my cheek. “You don’t even believe I’m strong enough to have my own feelings. How can you even think to ask me to betray the emperor, to risk my life?” I looked up at the ceiling and tried to see past it to the gods. Perhaps they could make me understand him. “How is it you believe I don’t care for Valko in that way, yet you somehow also believe I don’t truly care for you?” I paced the room and shook my head. Care wasn’t the right word, but I couldn’t think past the betrayal I felt to find a better one.
Anton dug a hand through his hair. His eyes were wide and lost. “I respect your freedom,” he tried to explain. “I want you, above all, to be free.”
“You think I’m the helpless girl you brought back from the convent. Maybe you’re right!” I laughed and threw up my hands. “Maybe I still am. In that case, you’ve made a grave mistake by confiding in me. How do you know I’m truly committed to your cause? I could be feeling your steadfastness to these ideals, your loyalty. Is that enough for me to see this through?”