Anton halted, his brow stern. “I have no desire to be emperor.”
“I don’t believe that.” I moved closer so I could see his eyes in the darkness, feel his aura with more clarity. His intense focus wavered the nearer I advanced. He swallowed and squared his shoulders. “You were raised to assume this position,” I said, “just as he was. I’ve heard you speak in the council chamber. I see how much you love your country, how much you can offer it.”
“That does not give me the right, under the empirical order, to govern Riaznin.” Anton shifted away, his jaw muscle flexed. “No one man should have that right.”
I searched him, trying to weave through his complicated emotions. Trying to understand my own. I’d come here in hopes of finding a way to hinder Valko. I didn’t trust myself to not reciprocate his desire for me. One day I might surrender to every dark quality I possessed. I might lose myself completely, live unrestrained, and to everyone’s detriment.
Anton was different from me, different from Valko. The prince was careful to keep himself guarded and his impulses in check. He wouldn’t sway me or let me sway him. He could be trusted with the empire.
“What if . . .” I went back to the midnight-blue door and shut it, fearing someone could be listening. What I was about to ask was dangerous. “What if you claimed Valko was the imposter? Are there enough people to support you?”
Anton’s gaze hardened and flickered to the letter on his desk.
“The dowager empress is no longer here to validate her son,” I added as respectfully as possible—I didn’t want to disgrace Anton’s mother—but my muscles went rigid as soon as the words fell from my lips. I’d set off something drastic in him.
Anton walked toward me slowly, his severity making my pulse race. “Sonya, take care.” His low voice quavered. “Your words are treasonous. If Valko were to learn of this, he would have your head.”
I lifted my chin. “He would not have the authority to take it if you wore his crown.”
He gripped my arms below the shoulders. “Think of what you’re saying! You’re his sworn protector. If we succeed in framing him as an imposter, he will be executed!” The prince’s gaze bored into mine. “Is that something you could live with?”
My throat went dry. I couldn’t speak. My jumbled plan hadn’t carried me as far as the emperor’s death. Of course I didn’t want that to happen.
“Are you sure these are your feelings?” Anton continued. “Valko’s councilors are nearby; they’ve been in his rooms for hours discussing the celebration for the emissary. I can only imagine you weren’t invited to the meeting due to your opposition this afternoon. But you may not be alone in your opinions. Perhaps some of councilors are also unhappy at the idea of an alliance with Estengarde.”
I blinked. I hadn’t considered the councilors’ malevolence today in that respect, only as it might be directed toward me. As sovereign Auraseer, it was my job to anticipate any harm that might befall the emperor, but I’d been relying too hard on the idea that I’d feel any danger to him instinctively, like I had as a child when I’d sensed a robber approach my parents’ house.
But what if the threats in the palace were far more deceptive than I’d imagined? Could Anton be right? Could my impulses tonight belong to another? No one, including myself, had yet deduced who’d tried and failed to poison the emperor and succeeded in killing the dowager empress. Maybe it was one of the councilors, now only a few walls away. But at our meeting this afternoon, their resentfulness had only made me feel uneasy, not truly imperiled.
Were they more practiced at concealing their auras? Anton had a method for doing so. Did they? The councilors must be used to sovereign Auraseers hovering nearby. Perhaps if the villain who poisoned the empress was among them, he was more than unhappy at the prospect of an Esten alliance. Perhaps he’d been unhappy about many things—and for some time.
I placed a hand on my stomach and lowered my eyes, sifting through myself for what was mine, what was Anton’s, and what could be someone else’s. As always, it was never so simple. The feelings holding me together usually felt my own. Most novice Auraseers didn’t master these nuanced differences until they were ten years my senior, and the girls at the convent had begun their studies years earlier than me.
“This isn’t the answer,” Anton said, breaking up my thoughts. “We’ll find a different way to divert Valko’s attentions from you. With the news of the emissary’s arrival, he’s already caught up in his plans for marrying another.”
I shook my head. My hands clenched with stubbornness. “I fear for more than myself, Anton. Some of these feelings of impending danger have to be my own! I refuse to believe I’ve attended so many council meetings without forming my own opinions and convictions.”