The six women stood in a semicircle around me. My shoulders felt heavy with fatigue—their fatigue, as well as my own. They had spent their strength wrestling me clean and dressed. Bridling a wild stallion must be easier.
“I’ll wear my hair down,” I announced, summoning my dignity and any remaining vigor I could borrow. If only my ability allowed me to keep their auras in my clutches when we parted. I would need all the fortification I could for this evening. Why in Feya’s name had I ever opened the convent gates? Why hadn’t I listened to Sestra Mirna, to Basil, to all my better instincts, weak though they were?
“The ladies at court wear their hair up,” Lenka replied.
“I am not a lady at court. I am Sovereign Auraseer. And if I cannot wear a headdress, I will let my own hair be my adornment.” I sounded as proud as any queen, but in truth, I was only anxious not to incur the emperor’s wrath at my lack of proper attire.
Lenka studied me. A sense of calm and rightness washed through my chest. She straightened her back. “Very well. You are young, so I suppose loose hair will not be inappropriate. In fact, the emperor might find the virginal effect it lends you pleasing.”
Two of the prettier maids exchanged glances, like they knew something about Emperor Valko we did not. A flood of warmth came to my belly, but I didn’t know if it belonged to the two maids or if it was my own apprehension for this evening.
Lenka clapped. “Step closer to the furnace, and we will dry your hair.”
She didn’t chide me again as the ladies lifted my hair in sections and fanned it near the hot tiles. Once dried, they brushed it with burdock and nettle oil and let it fall in shining waves to the middle of my back. Perhaps Lenka had been testing me all along, waiting to see how far she could push me until I pushed back. Until I proved I might have a spark of Izolda—of greatness—in me.
I only hope it doesn’t cost me my head. I glanced back at the box bed and suppressed a shiver. Or my sanity.
Guided by Lenka as we left my rooms, I passed a gold-framed mirror. I was a different creature than the one who had entered. My head maid was right—I looked pure and undefiled with my hair down, almost like I wore the veil of a bride. But within myself, I felt a murderess’s guilt. If only Lenka knew what I had done. I drew in a deep breath. I wished this unraveling inside me was merely the flutterings of an anxious girl on her wedding day, that the long corridor before me was the aisle of a church leading me to an altar and a groom, not the ruler of Riaznin.
Maybe, if I was very fortunate, Emperor Valko wouldn’t be as every rumor suggested. Maybe he would share some traits with his brother.
I pressed a hand to my stomach and reminded myself Anton wasn’t as gallant or caring as he’d led me to believe. It had been a show designed to bring me to the palace in haste, as he’d been commissioned to do. No doubt he shared many traits with the emperor, and none of them would bring me any comfort.
CHAPTER NINE
WE DIDN’T APPROACH THE EMPEROR’S ROOMS AS I’D EXPECTED. Lenka led me down two twirling flights of stairs until we reached the main level of the palace. She needn’t have guided me any farther. All I had to do was step into the river of people flowing westward past the amber lobby. Lenka accompanied me anyway, and for that I was grateful. I wasn’t prepared to be among so many people, so many crowded emotions. I kept my arm pressed to my maid’s, despite her annoyance at my closeness, and fought to leech her energy and forget everyone else’s. We marched together down the marble-pillared corridor. My belly was a pit of worry. My heart thrummed so hard, I feared it might bruise my chest. I tucked my chin and latched my gaze on the parquet floor. I hoped the emperor wouldn’t notice me.
It was a stupid idea to wear my hair down. Now I felt even younger, even smaller in comparison to my enormous duty. I was supposed to be a protectress. I should allow myself to rub shoulders with the nobles, to glean from them what I could and discern any potential threats, not hang on my maid’s apron strings. I took a step away from Lenka as I attempted to be the sovereign Auraseer, but immediately my body started shaking. I felt threats everywhere.
The auras of the nobles were different from those of the city dwellers, not because of the aristocrats’ distinguished societal positions, but because they felt more practiced at veiling the hostility they bore for one another. Life at court made them artists of deception. Still, what I sensed from them was enough to tighten my throat and send a fit of tremors through my body. Clutching my neck, I bumped back into Lenka and cowered from the highborn sweeping past me. How could I be certain their ill will wasn’t directed at the emperor?
For their part, the nobles were oblivious to me. Without my token robes, they didn’t recognize me as the sovereign Auraseer. Heads held high, they walked onward and in through the doors of the great hall.