Casey nodded. “Maybe.”
They fell silent for a long time, and in those minutes their breath lengthened, as did the shadows as the sun dipped closer to the hills.
“I got you something,” Casey said, shattering the stillness. “I didn’t buy it with dirty money, either—I bought it after I cashed my paycheck. Can I give it to you?”
“I’m not sure.”
“You don’t ever have to open it, if you don’t want to.” He stood. He reached into his front pocket and took out a little wad of red tissue paper and set it in her palm. “You can open it now, or next week, or never. But I want you to have it, either way. It’s just a tiny thing.”
She tucked it in her own pocket.
“Should I take you back?”
She nodded again. “Yeah. I’d like to get back before Mercy needs feeding.”
“Are we still friends?” he asked as they began the descent.
She considered it. She still wanted James in her life—strictly on her terms, but she valued him in significant ways. Like James, she valued Casey despite his mistakes. She couldn’t be with him, knowing what she did now, but neither did she hope never to see him again.
“I think so,” she finally said. “I need time to figure out how I feel about everything you’ve told me, but I hope we can be.”
A frail ghost of a smile passed his lips. “Me, too.”
And they didn’t speak again, not on the hike down, not on the ride back east, not a word until Abilene climbed off the bike.
“I’m gonna go and check on my mom,” Casey said. “But tell Miah I’ll be back later, just in case any more weird shit decides to go down around here.”
“I will.”
He held a thought in, lips pursed.
“What?” she prompted gently.
“Thanks. For listening, I mean, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear.”
She nodded. “Thanks for being honest . . . I won’t tell anybody, by the way. Rat you out, that is.”
“I think I already knew you wouldn’t, but thanks all the same.”
Her turn to pause, caught on a thought. “I never did tell you my own secrets,” she said at length. “If it’s any consolation, they might’ve had you second-guessing us right back.”
He smiled softly, looking sad. “I never needed to know those things, Abilene. Whatever it is you’ve done, it couldn’t change how I feel.”
Tears brimmed at that. “Even if we weren’t meant to be,” she offered, voice just on the edge of breaking, “it was real nice, for what it was, even just for those few days.”
“It was.”
“And even if we weren’t meant to be, at least you’ve still got your mental health, right? Nice long life ahead of you?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I suppose so.”
A nice long life, she thought, and in time, other chances at love. Other women, and eventually one for keeps, one who could either forgive his crimes or else live peacefully not knowing the details. The thought filled her up with sadness, and jealousy, too. But deep down she was proud of herself. She’d grown up today.
“It’s cold,” she said.
“Go inside. I’ll see you soon, tonight or tomorrow. If you want to avoid me for a while, I won’t be hurt.” His eyes said otherwise.
“See you around, I guess.”
And with another tight little smile, he backed his bike up, woke his engine, and rode away.
She watched until he was out of sight, nothing left but a settling cloud of dust lingering in the waning sunlight. She watched the best man she’d met in ages disappear before her eyes.
A good man in many ways, but still a criminal.
Chapter 22