I took a step off, praying to God the chopper's blades wouldn't mince me up like ground beef. The wind immediately knocked the breath I'd been holding from me, the feeling of nothing below my feet making me burst out in a heatwave of panic. My whole body felt so hot, then went frigid cold as the wind fought to get inside the synthetic pants and jacket. My organs felt like they were in my throat. Every extra bit of skin on my body rippled with the force of gravity dragging me back to earth.
I put my feet straight for a few seconds. The wind naturally evened me out, my body now parallel to the ground. Wolf's form was getting closer, fast, and that’s when I realized just how fast we were going. He was slowing himself down, somehow, I think by making his body flat and big so the wind had more to resist. I was so scared I couldn't move, my teeth chattering as the chilly air battered my face. I squeezed my eyes shut, not ready to believe this was real. I was an idiot. I was a fucking idiot for doing this -
I felt the warm embrace of another hand touching my own, our fingers intertwining. I opened my eyes to see Wolf at my side, a strangely serious look on his face. He nodded, and relief flooded me knowing we were touching - this wasn't so bad. Having another person around while you fell a trillion miles a second made it not so horrific. He knew what he was doing - he'd done it a lot. I was safe, for the moment.
With Wolf's hand in mine, I looked around. A few low-hanging clouds drifted below us, and our bodies passed through just the barest wisp of a cloudy edge. I squealed - though the sound was lost in the air - as my left elbow got damp instantly. Wolf's right arm fared the same. I never knew that's what a cloud felt like - cold and wet and yet light as cotton candy. The synthetic material did a great job of wicking the wetness away, gravity doing its part, too. We were bone dry again in no time.
I felt the rough bump of another hand on mine, and looked to my side. Fitz, his eyes squeezed shut, reached blindly for me. I locked my hand in his, Burn on his other hand. Burn and Wolf didn't lock hands, leaving the air open, so we formed a sort of horseshoe in the sky. Burn smiled at me, or as best he could when the g-force was messing with his cheeks.
All that was left was the sound of the wind in our ears, rushing so loud and fast it drowned out everything else. All that was left was for me to look around. Looking down seemed like a bad idea for my nerves, so I focused instead on the view towards the horizon. The lower clouds went on forever, a beautiful, velvety blanket of them stretching on into the sun. The Cascade Mountains were hulking purple beasts, craggy and dotted with early snow. I never noticed just how big the shadow they cast was - it consumed towns, entire forests. And the forests! I knew Washington had a lot of old trees, but I hadn't realized just how many! Silky and green, the pines clumped together, sharing so many thousands of years between them. If I stretched my imagination really hard I could almost smell them. The view was, to say the least, incredible. And the feeling of it all - of being so small and insignificant - was a lot like the feeling I got when Burn and I would stand on the cliff in the mornings and watch the sun kiss the world awake. I felt...unimportant. I felt light, and airy, and free. I felt like nothing mattered - not my grades, not my college future, not my awful spying on the Blackthorns - nothing. I'd done nothing wrong up here. I had no responsibilities up here - not to Dad, not to Mom, not even to myself. For a few minutes, I felt untouchable. Nothing could get me in the sky, not even my problems.
I watched the sun as I fell. So what, I thought, if Mom and Dad divorced? Would it really be the end of the world? This was the world - this huge thing below me, reduced to nothing more than toy-like dioramas of forests and towns. There were a hundred million problems waiting for me when I landed, but when you got high enough, all those problems seemed so small and insignificant. The sun didn't care about divorce. The sky didn't care about grades. No one cared, except me and the people in the below-world.
I wasn’t a scholarshipper up here; I wasn’t a teacher’s pet, a wannabe psychologist, a girl who left her friends behind, or an attempted good-daughter. I was just…me.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I barely noticed Burn giving us all a thumbs up. Shit. It was time. This was the do-or-die thing. Do or die at .0007 percent, of course. Everything Burn said rushed through my head at once - left is right, right is left. Pull the right tab over your shoulder. Aim for the giant JP on the ground - which I could now almost see - carved into the grass. Don’t hit trees. For the love of God and your legs, don't hit the damn trees, Bee. Wolf moved to let go of my hand, since he was the first one to parachute, but something in me squeezed his hand tight, willing him to stay. Willing him to stay here with me.
He looked at me, and for once the fire in his eyes was warm. Not burning, no scalding fire – only a gentle heat, and even though we were enemies, even though we’d promised to hate each other, I couldn’t help but let that heat warm me from the inside. It made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I let go, and he pulled his hand from mine and peeled away from us. He parachuted, and our falling speed quickly left him behind. Burn pointed at me with his free hand, and I let go of Fitz's. Wolf made it look easy - the sudden loss of three other stabilizing bodies was huge. I was on my own again, in the wide cruel sky, the wind ready to toss me around. If I messed this up, I would be dead. Donezo. Gone.
Right side tab, I repeated to myself. I yanked it hard, but nothing happened. Panic gripped my throat, until I took a deep breath.
The Blackthorn's mom was right - it wasn't the falling that was hard. It was the landing.
I could do this. I had to do this.
Wolf’s warm gaze played back like an echo on my eyelids.
Everything would be okay.