He put a hand on the door handle and one on the indent at my waist. He bent his head a little so that we were almost eye-to-eye and told me softly, “Your dad was an asshole and I wish he was still around so I could kick his ass, but your mom . . .” He shook his head slowly from side to side. “Sometimes who we love can’t be controlled. I watched my sister struggle with it for years. She hated what her old man did to her, but she loved him, too. If you let all those things you did to survive your dad and all that resentment you have toward your mom fill you up, you’ll never have room inside for all the things you actually want to feel. All that valuable real estate is taken up by things from the past and there’s no room for the future to build on.”
I pulled my eyes away from his as he wrenched open the door and put both hands on my waist to help me inside the vehicle. When he climbed up next to me on the driver’s side, I let out a little sigh and muttered, “I’m not sure the ground is stable enough to build on whether or not the past gets cleared out.”
He craned his neck to back out of the spot and reached over to put a hand on my thigh. “It just takes someone with the know-how to do it. Lucky for both of us, I’m a certified expert at building on shaky ground.”
That made me laugh a little bit and I laced my fingers through his as he pulled out of the parking garage. I looked around when he turned in the opposite direction he would need to take to drop me back off at my house.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m starving and I want a drink. The Bar is only a few blocks down on Broadway, so I thought we could stop and have a quick bite to eat.” His green eyes flashed at me and a wry grin pulled at his mouth. “Don’t worry, I won’t consider it going on a date since you seem allergic to the idea.”
I balked a little. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go on a date with him; it was that the idea of dating him made all of this seem so much more real. Right now I had myself convinced it was just sex and business. Eventually, the business would be over, when he had custody of Hyde, and the sex would be harder to come by, and I doubted he would keep putting forth the effort to see me. Emotions didn’t have to be involved if we were work associates and fuck buddies . . . at least if I had done this right from the beginning they wouldn’t have been, but I screwed up. Big-time.
“It’s just a burger and a drink, Say. I didn’t ask you to marry me.”
I blinked when his words hit me, and realized I had turned into a statue in my seat. I swallowed hard and shifted a little bit.
“Okay. Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out.”
“But you did. Eventually, you’re going to have to spend time with me outside of the bedroom and the courtroom, Sayer. I have a five-year-old coming to live with me really soon and that means I’m a package deal. Spending time together is going to take on a new meaning with Hyde underfoot.”
He squeezed my thigh and I tried not to panic at his revelation. He was going to put in the effort. What the hell?
I cleared my throat. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, I guess.”
“Why does that feel like you using some kind of lawyer tactic to avoid the subject?” He sounded annoyed, but we were already in front of the little dive bar, so I didn’t bother to explain that I was indeed trying desperately to change the subject. We worked really well naked and tangled together. I wasn’t so sure how any of that translated to real life, and just like that my grip on the ledge tightened and I pulled myself a few inches up from the danger zone of love and longing.
“Let’s go inside and eat. I’m hungry, too, and I love Darcy’s BLT. We can talk about what happens next later.”
He grunted at me but came around to help me out of the Jeep nonetheless. When I was standing in front of him with his hands at my waist, I wasn’t surprised at all to see him bend his head down and kiss me—hard. He always did this when I put off a conversation that he wanted to have about the current state of our relationship. It was like a physical reminder that he was letting things slide, but only for now.
“Eventually there won’t be any more laters, Say. There will only be right now and you’re going to have to decide what you want to do with it.”
The Bar was packed and we were enveloped in noise and revelry as soon as we pushed the doors open. A large man with beautiful skin that hovered somewhere slightly beyond the golden hue of a deep tan gave Zeb a fist bump and nodded at me. He was as beautiful and fierce looking as Zeb, so I returned the nod and decided not to trip over words by saying hello. His eyes were the most unusual shade of light blue that bled into an iridescent yellowish gold on the outer rim. I’d never seen anything like them and it was hard for me not to stare every time I was around him. I’d met Dash Churchill a few times when I had stopped by the Bar for a drink with the girls, and while he was always polite he was never what I would consider friendly, even when he instructed me to call him Church in that slow and thick Mississippi drawl of his. The same could not be said for the little-redheaded flurry of sass and fun that was Dixie Carmichael. The long-standing cocktail server for the place was everyone’s best friend and didn’t hesitate to throw her arms around me and Zeb, though he had to bend down quite a bit so the petite woman could reach.
“Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you guys in forever. It’s crazy in here tonight, so you might have a tough time finding a place to sit.” Her eyes widened.