Maria walked over and squeezed me on the shoulder and told me good luck and then left me alone with Sayer. She turned to me with a soft smile on her lips and her heart in her eyes. She was proud of the way I had handled the judge’s needling and my honest assertion that the only place Hyde needed to be was with me.
“You’re doing great.”
I sighed and pushed my hands through my hair, messing up the strands I had ruthlessly styled earlier in the day. “It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like he’s looking for a reason to tell me I can’t have my son.”
She shook her head and reached out to put her hand on my leg again. This time I covered it with my own and gave it a squeeze.
“That’s his job. He has to poke and prod. He’s looking for any sign that you’re going to fold or break under the pressure. He’s purposely trying to get a reaction out of you. He only has Hyde’s best interests in mind, so he doesn’t care how uncomfortable or how angry he makes you. He’s trying to get an adverse reaction and you aren’t giving him one.”
“I want to give him something, namely the middle finger. What twenty-five-year-old do you know that hasn’t had a one-night stand? I didn’t expect him to pick my sex life apart.”
She tugged her hand free and sat back in her chair. She bit the corner of her lip and started moving her own papers around. “I never did.”
Well, that made me even more uncomfortable and also slightly relieved, because if she was using the word “never,” that meant I was absolutely going to get another shot at her and that delectable body. I wanted to tell her I was glad she hadn’t been as careless with herself as I was over the years when the judge was announced again and we had to rise back up as he came back into the room.
My palms started to sweat and I shifted nervously in my seat as the man who was about to say the most important words I had ever heard took his own seat on the bench. He took his glasses off and leaned forward on his arms a little bit. He was staring intently at me and it took every ounce of self-control I had not to squirm under his scrutiny.
“Mr. Fuller, I think you have made tremendous strides in setting your life on the right path in the last few years. I do believe your desire to have custody of your son comes from a sincere and genuine place, but that being said, I have some concerns. The child already went through the trauma of losing one parent, and I’m hesitant to hand him over to another one who has proven and documented anger issues. If you lose control of your temper in such a significant manner again, Mr. Fuller, that opens the child up to the possibility of suffering the loss of another parent.”
I made an involuntary noise of protest, which had the judge holding up his hand before I could launch into an argument.
“I think some time is needed. Time for Hyde to adjust to you being his father and sole caregiver and time for you to realize how significantly a child is going to change your life. I want you to enroll in a level-two parenting class and agree to further anger management counseling, and then we will move toward full custody of the child. For now I’m going to order that you can have four unsupervised visits a week outside of a CASA location. After the initial four weeks have passed, we can move to four overnight visits in your home for another four weeks. We’ll set another court date after the eight weeks have passed to see where we’re at, and I would strongly encourage you to look into attending some family counseling with the boy. The transition is going to be trying on you both, but I ultimately think you are the parent the child deserves, Mr. Fuller.”
His gavel hammered down on the desk and we all stood up as he left the room. I fell back into my chair and ran my hands roughly over my face. I gazed at Sayer and tried to tell what she was thinking about the ruling, but she seemed coolly stoic and nearly impossible to read.
“Did we win?” I breathed the words out and leaned toward her.
She turned to look at me and like the sun parting through the clouds on a rainy day, her face split in a bright smile. It was so sunny and full of light I had no idea how she could come across as chilly as she often did. She was full of warmth when she let it out. When she showed it, it was so electric and blazing that I just wanted to bask in it.
“It’s a lot of work on your part, but yes, the fact that he granted overnight visits right from the get-go is an absolute win. I thought we would be looking at at least six months or more until we reached that point. You were authentic and sincere. He could see how much you love Hyde and that’s all that matters. I’m very proud of you, Zeb.”
I reached out and caught one of her hands between both of mine. She tugged on it, but I refused to let it go as she looked down at me.
“Thank you. I know I tell you every time I see you, but I really couldn’t get through this without you.”