“You okay, man? You seemed okay earlier, but when I looked over here a little bit ago, you looked like you’d seen a ghost.”
Reid pushed his hands into his hair and gripped it tightly. “I’m just tired.” A small smile crossed his face and his hands fell to his sides as he thought about his breakthrough. “Something really amazing happened earlier. When we were playing the last song—” His words ended abruptly when loud laughter caught his attention. Across the room, Greer, Drew, and a few other guys stood against the wall, smiling and laughing with a petite blonde. Reid didn’t need to see her face to know it was the same girl who approached him earlier. Greer smiled at the girl and pushed off the wall before throwing his arm over her shoulders and walking toward the door. Transfixed, Reid couldn’t look away. His mouth became dry and his body rigid. He knew exactly what his bandmates were about to do, and for a fleeting moment, he felt nothing but white-hot jealousy. When Greer looked over his shoulder and caught Reid’s stare, he threw his hand in the air and waved before disappearing down the darkened hall.
“What was that?” Tom asked, looking from Reid to the empty doorway.
Reid clenched his jaw. “Nothing. Not a fucking thing.” Not wanting to deal with more questions, Reid grabbed his stuff. “I’m taking the car service back to the hotel. I’ll see you in the morning.” Without waiting for a response, Reid disappeared down the hall and to the back door where a pair of bouncers stood waiting.
“Is there a car out back?”
“Yes, sir,” a bouncer responded while turning to open the door. The area was blocked off from the public, but fans still lined the barricades, their voices rising when Reid stepped into the cool night air. They begged for autographs, for pictures, but Reid could only focus on putting one foot in front of the other. He didn’t even lift his head as he darted from the venue into the back of the waiting car.
The anger he felt was irrational—on some level he knew that. For the past month, Drew and Greer had kept a low profile. Instead of going out partying after the shows and then stumbling into rehearsals hungover, they’d returned to the hotel with the rest of the crew. Reid knew it was only a matter of time before they let loose. And with no show the following day, he had no reason to be angry. But he was. Angry and, if he was being honest, a little bit jealous. A lot jealous.
Once inside his hotel room, he tried to calm the feeling brewing in the pit of his stomach. He paced the length of the room and gripped his hair. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead as the feelings intensified into a hollow ache in his abdomen. Reid didn’t question the cause of the pain. He knew the symptoms all too well. It was want, need; it was a craving for something that nearly destroyed his life. He grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked it off, exposing the colorful ink covering most of his body. Angry figures towered over broken hearts, each image conveying an emotion, a memory, a puzzle piece of his journey. Of all that he’d had and all that he’d lost. He swept his thumb over his forearm, his eyes drawn to the tattoo of a heart being strangled by a noose made from a horse’s mane. It reminded him that not all things stayed lost forever.
He pulled his phone from his pocket, completely disregarding the sheet of paper that fell to the floor. Each ring felt like an eternity as he waited for Jess to answer. When her voice came across the line, he let the full weight of his emotions push him to the floor.
“Reid.”
“God, Jess,” he choked. “It’s so fucking good to hear your voice.”
“Reid? What’s wrong? Did something happen? You don’t sound right.” The panic in her voice was clear, but unlike the times before, it didn’t calm the storm building inside him.
He leaned against the foot of the bed and propped his elbows on his knees. His legs bounced and his skin crawled with anxiety. “I’m having a really hard time tonight, Jess. Drew and Greer went out and I know what they’re doing and I—” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t admit that, more than anything, he wanted to feel the bitter rush of invincibility burn his nose and numb his mind. Guilt ate at him for not telling her about the last time. When he’d tasted the poison for the first time since the night everything changed. A part of him was angry that he’d flushed it down the toilet. That was the part of him he worried about the most.
“Reid, are you there?”
He started at the sound of Jess’s voice. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat and shifted his weight. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“You shouldn’t be alone right now. Where are you?”
“I’m at the hotel. In my room.”
“Where’s Tom? Can you call him?”
Reid dropped his eyes to the floor. “I can’t call him. He’ll know.”
“So what if he does?” she snapped. “This isn’t about your pride, this is about your life. He’s your friend. You know he won’t judge you.”