Sweat rolled down the side of Reid’s face as the heat of the lights beat down on him. In long, slow strides, he paced the stage. The heels of his boots scuffed along planks of weathered and worn wood. The roar of the crowd smothered his thoughts, even though he was completely alone. Moving to the center of the stage, he lowered his head and pulled in a deep breath.
Images danced in his mind. Pictures of past shows, past lives, all the things he’d gained, and all the things he’d lost. He was trapped in a torturous euphoria. He wondered if he would ever find his way to the other side of the looking glass, get back to the man he was, or more importantly, if he deserved to.
With his eyes closed, he let the last couple of weeks play like a slide show as a beat formed in his head. It started off slow, pulsing, new. The blood rushing through his veins echoed in his ears. His fingers tapped against his thigh as the rhythm grew, and he swallowed hard to keep excitement and hope from rising to the surface.
A thump and a beat. A pause and a breath. A low hum rose from the back of his throat, deep and dark. Words floated and fluttered in his mind, moving close then dashing away, teasing and taunting. His muscles tensed as the beginning of a melody worked its way to his lips.
“Steel and silk,” he whispered, his mouth dry. “Soft strands floating in the wind, a canvas of color covering her skin . . .” He paused when the words and melody began to fade. He tried to pull them back, hold on to them just a little longer, but as always, blackness closed in, the colors and wind fading to all-consuming nothingness.
“Goddammit,” he roared, grabbing the mic stand next to him and hurling it into the open space past the stage. Defeat and frustration lay across his shoulders like a blanket of concrete, causing his knees to buckle until he dropped to the floor.
“Reid?”
The sound of Chloe’s voice caused him to stiffen. His heart pounded in time with her steps as she moved closer. He worked to compose himself, but when the tips of her fingers pressed gently against his shoulder, he knew it was pointless to try. He’d faked his enthusiasm about the tour since rehearsals in LA. Through Dublin, Belfast, and Manchester. He was so tired of pretending.
“Are you okay?” Silence hung heavy in the air. “Reid?”
“I can’t write,” he whispered.
“What?” Chloe’s confusion resonated in her words as she eased to the floor. “What do you mean?”
Reid never looked in her direction, keeping his eyes on his hands as he spoke. “Writing. Composing. I can’t do it.”
Chloe laughed. The sound caused the tension in Reid’s body to double. When he spoke, his tone was sharp, angry. “How is that funny?”
Chloe laughed harder. Reid cut his eyes in her direction, ready to say things to a woman he’d never imagine himself capable of when he saw the expression on her face. It wasn’t mocking or degrading; it was understanding. It was disarming.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I’m relieved,” she said, pulling herself together. “You’ve been so agitated lately. Once the shows and fan signings are over, you disappear every time. I was starting to think maybe I was bothering you, hence the avoiding thing.”
Reid’s brows furrowed and the familiar feeling of guilt washed over him. He had avoided her. Intentionally or not. “What made you think you were the reason for my agitation?”
Chloe shrugged. “I’m the newbie around here. Isn’t everything the newbie’s fault?”
Reid sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. “Believe me, if I was going to avoid anyone, it would be Greer.”
A slight smile pulled at the corner of Chloe’s mouth. “I can always count on Greer to get on people’s nerves more than me.” Chloe fidgeted and let out a breath. “You know it’s normal to go through dry spells.”
“Dry spells, I can handle. What I’m going through right now? This is different. I haven’t written a single song in over a year.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I haven’t been able to do the one thing that makes me who I am. I’m a fucking fraud.”
“Oh,” Chloe exhaled. Reid didn’t need to look at her face to see the surprise reflected in her voice.
“And it’s not just that. It’s everything. Nothing’s familiar anymore. If it weren’t for Jess . . .” Reid’s thoughts drifted to the nightmares plaguing his sleep almost every night. They were always the same. He was stuck, and the only thing keeping him from falling back into old habits was the thought of Jess. She was his lifeline. She was his connection to something real.
“I know how much it sucks to feel like you’re all alone. I’m glad you have someone.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re not, though. You know that right?”
Reid cocked his head to the side and met her gaze. “What?”
“Alone,” Chloe said with a smile as she stood. Extending her arm, she motioned for Reid to take her hand. “I might not be able to help you the same way as Jess, but I can help.”
Reid averted his gaze. “I’m not sure anyone can help me.”
“We’ll see about that.” Chloe looked at her watch and back at Reid. “Are we going to add any new songs in rehearsal this afternoon?”