Cole frowns. “No. No nap.”
“Yes, nap.” Ryder bends down and tickles his stomach. The little boy’s laughter fills the room. I can’t help but smile at the father and son. “Bring your car into the family room, Cole.” Ryder says and the little boy toddles along, following him.
I linger behind, just watching them. When I take a seat on the couch I say, “How did you feel when he first started walking and talking? You know, without Angela being here to see and hear it too.”
He shrugs. “I tried not to think about it. I can’t change the fact that she’s gone so I choose not to dwell on it. I don’t want to feel saddened by milestones in his life just because she’s not here, you know?”
“That makes sense,” I say, resting my hand on my stomach.
“You’re thinking about your baby,” he surmises.
I nod. “Ben’s the one that wanted to have a baby—not that I didn’t want a baby,” I hasten to add, “but I probably would’ve waited if he hadn’t brought it up. Once we made up our minds that we were going to try we both wanted this baby so bad,” I say, my throat growing thick with emotion. “I feel like I took a hundred negative pregnancy tests. I know that’s not true, but all the negatives seemed endless. And then, when it finally happened, Ben wasn’t even here to know.” I lean my head back against the pillows on the couch and rub my stomach. “She’s a gift, that’s for sure.”
Ryder picks up Cole from the floor and sits him in his lap. “You’ll be a good mom.”
I quirk a brow. “Really? I wonder sometimes,” I sigh.
“You will be,” he assures me. “All right,” he says, “naptime.”
“No!” Cole cries, kicking his legs.
Ryder laughs and looks over at me. “Want to help with naptime?”
I eye the squirming child. “Um …”
Ryder stands and holds his hand down to me. “Come on,” he coaxes. I reluctantly put my hand in his and follow him upstairs to Cole’s room. He sets Cole on the floor and says, “Go pick out your pajamas, Coley.”
Cole runs over to a chest and tugs on the bottom drawer. He struggles so I bend down to help him.
The little boy smiles gratefully at me and pulls out a pair of pajamas with various Disney characters on them. He shoves them at me and tries to close the drawer, making the cutest grunting noise.
“You dwess me.” Cole points at me and then him.
“Me?” I ask in surprise.
The little boy nods and starts stripping off his clothes.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Ryder chants and scoops up the little boy. “Diaper change first.”
“Ugh.” Cole grunts in irritation.
Ryder carries him over to the changing table and changes his diaper. He then sets the little boy on the bed in only his diaper.
“He’s all yours.” He winks and stands back, crossing his arms over his chest to watch me.
I stand up and dress Cole in the pajamas he picked out.
“Ook! Ook!” He chants, jumping on the bed.
“Look? Look where?” I look up at the ceiling and all around.
Ryder laughs. “Not look. Book. He wants you to read him a story.”
“Oh,” I say, stifling my own laugh. Cole holds out his arms for me to pick him up. I hesitantly pick him up and he holds on tight to me. I carry him over to his bookshelf and let him pick. He points and I pick up the book. “To Give A Mouse A Cookie,” I read the title. “Good choice.” I carry him back over to his toddler bed and put him down. “You have to lay down under the covers if I’m going to read to you,” I tell him.
He nods so I pull back the covers and he scoots under them, giggling when I draw them up to his chin. I lie down beside him and crack open the book. I begin to read and he snuggles against me. I stiffen at first and then relax. He giggles when I make funny voices for the characters and points at the pictures, naming various objects in them. By the time I make it to the end, he’s fast asleep and I close the book, easing out of the bed. Ryder’s gone and I hadn’t even noticed he left.
I ease out of the little boy’s room and close the door.
I find Ryder downstairs in the kitchen making a cup of coffee.
“You left,” I say. “Why?”
He shrugs and grabs a mug from a cabinet. “You didn’t need me. You’re a natural. I told you that you’d be a good mom.” He gives me a significant look as he pours his coffee.
I swallow thickly. “But that was only for a moment,” I argue. “This will be all the time.” I touch my stomach.
Ryder steps around the counter and pulls out a kitchen chair, taking a seat. I do the same. “I know it seems overwhelming, but trust me, once the baby is here you’ll forget all that.”
“I’ll be all alone,” I say, my voice cracking. “How can I do this by myself?”