I walk into Group with my shoulders back and my chin held high. I’m armed with sheets of paper and sharpies. There are a few people already there when I step into the gym, but I’m early so it still gives me a chance to speak with Ryder. He looks up when I walk into the room, his eyes instantly drawn to me. I’m not sure he even notices but his lips lift into a crooked smile and his eyes sparkle. I walk up to him and he excuses himself from speaking to Amy.
“What’s that you’ve got there?” He points at the sheets of paper I clasp to my chest and the markers in my other hand.
“My something nice,” I say with a shrug. His brows furrow in confusion. “It’s my way of healing,” I whisper softly. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to explain to everyone and see if they’d like to help.”
“Of course.” He smiles widely. “But you’re not going to tell me first?”
I shake my head. “Where’s the fun in that?”
He laughs at my pathetic attempt at a joke. “Okay,” he agrees, “the floor is yours when you want.”
“Thank you.” I stand there a second longer before taking my seat. I feel nervous but excited about my idea. I have Ben to thank for it, though. It was his words in the last note that gave me the idea. I just hope I can execute it right.
I wait nervously for everyone to arrive and take their seats. Ryder speaks for a few minutes, but I don’t really hear what he says because the blood’s rushing so loud in my ears. When he finishes speaking, he looks across at me and tilts his head, giving me a significant look.
I take a deep breath and stand. I clasp my hands together, my thumbs rotating around each other with nerves.
“Hi, guys,” I say awkwardly. “I … I know Group isn’t really talking about our losses, but in order to explain what I want you to do I need to tell you about Ben.” I take a deep breath and look to the lofted ceiling, giving myself a moment to compose myself. “I’d known Ben while we were in school, but we never really knew each other. Not until college, anyway. From the moment we started hanging out I knew he was different, that what we had was special. We soon began dating and years later became engaged. I put off the wedding because Ben was studying to be a doctor and completing his residency, working crazy hours, and I was starting an event planning business. We finally set a date for this past February, but Ben died in January. A drunk driver t-boned his car.” I clear my throat, trying to get control of my emotions. “He hung on long enough to make it to the hospital and for the doctors to attempt surgery, but he died on the table.” My eyes meet Ryder’s, and he watches me with an encouraging smile. He doesn’t judge me, and for that I’m grateful. “He was such a good person and for months I’ve been so angry at myself, the world, at everything because he died. I’m still angry,” I admit, “but not as much as I was, so I guess that’s progress. Anyway, I’m getting side-tracked. Ben always left me these notes on paper cranes he made. He was making a thousand before our wedding. In Japanese custom, a thousand paper cranes being made by one person before a wedding gives that person one wish to be carried to the heavens—usually the wish for a happy and prosperous marriage.” I press my lips together. “I guess it’s ironic that he’s in heaven now.” I sniffle and pick up the sheets of paper in all different colors. “In one of the notes Ben left for me, he told me that on the days where I feel like I can’t keep my head up to do something nice for someone else. In his memory, I want to start something and I want you guys to help. I’m calling it The Paper Crane project. Like Ben did, I want us all to write notes on them. Positive things. And then make the paper cranes. If you don’t know how to make them, that’s fine. It’s easy and I’ll teach you. This means a lot to me, and I hope you guys will help.” I take a deep breath and sit down, my cheeks suddenly heating with embarrassment as everyone stares at me.
Ryder brings his hands together and begins to clap, his lips quirking into a closed mouth smile.
Everyone else begins to clap too and my face breaks out into a grin. Tears fill my eyes, but for once they’re tears of happiness.
“That’s an excellent idea, Blaire,” Ryder says, standing and walking toward me. He bends down in front of me and reaches for a piece of paper, choosing a green piece. “Green’s my favorite color.” He winks and stands back up, holding out his hand. “Marker me.”