“No.”
“Kid,” he warns, “get out of the car before I drag your ass out. Your friends are waiting.”
My eyes flit from the front of the café to my dad. “How?” I ask.
“You left your phone on the couch and you got a text—I’m a sneaky bastard, so I read it. Your friends miss you and want to see you, so I pretended to be you and said you’d meet them for lunch.”
I glare at my dad. “You’re worse than Mom. You’re like the sneaky snake that waits in the grass to get you when you least expect it.”
He smirks. “Yeah, that’s me. Sneaky Snake. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” he asks my mom.
“It’s perfect,” she agrees.
“I don’t want to go,” I argue. “I can’t see them.”
My dad sighs. “Five minutes, Kid. That’s all I ask. We’ll wait right here for you.”
My lips press together in distaste. I haven’t seen my friends since the funeral, and I barely spoke five words to them then.
“Out of the car.” My dad points to the car door. “You do this thing where you wrap your hand around the handle there and push. Then the door does this magical thing called open. Try it.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re ridiculous.” I put my hand on the knob. “I’m going. See? Bye.”
“Good girl.” My dad winks. “I’ll give ya a sticker later.”
I crack a small smile. When I was a little girl, my dad used to give me stickers for every little accomplishment. Get an A on a paper? Here’s a sticker, Kid. Win the Spelling Bee? Here’s a sticker, Kid.
I head inside the café and find Casey, Chloe, and Hannah waiting for me.
They all flash me a small smile as I approach. My favorite sandwich and coffee is already waiting for me. I take a seat and wave awkwardly.
“How have you been?” Casey asks me.
“Not good.” I frown. My hands are shaking so I press them in-between my legs.
“Stupid question, huh?” Casey says.
I shrug.
“I brought by some food; your mom answered the door and said you were sleeping. I hope it was okay. You know I’m not the best cook,” Casey says.
I didn’t even know she brought food. I’m sure my mom told me, and I probably ignored her. I don’t even know if I ate any since I’ve barely been able to stomach anything. When I do eat, I tend to throw it up. I’m too upset to keep anything down.
“Yeah, it was good,” I lie.
“Great.” Casey breathes out a sigh of relief.
We all sort of stare at each other and then Chloe loses it. She begins to cry. “I’m so sorry, Blaire. This is all so tragic and sad.”
Her tears signal all the rest of us and we all sit at the table in the café bawling our eyes out. Somehow, we end up in a group huddle, holding each other as we cry.
As much as I hate breaking down in public, I need this. I need it so much. I need to cry. I need to be angry. I need to let it out.
“I’m so mad,” I say through my tears. “Why Ben? He didn’t deserve this. He’s so good.”
“I know,” Hannah says. “It’s not right.”
“It’s not fair,” I sob into my friends’ shoulders.
I’ve never been one to use those words before. It’s not fair. But that’s the way I feel. It’s not fair that Ben’s time on Earth got cut short. It’s not fair that I’m not walking down the aisle to him next week like I should be. It’s not fair that I’ll never have his baby. It’s not fair that I’ll never grow old with him. It all fucking sucks.
“It’s okay to be mad,” Chloe says. “You have every right.”
I sniffle. Sometimes I feel like it’s wrong that I’m so angry. Angry at myself. At the world. At Ben. I hate myself for being angry at him. It’s not like he chose to die, but I’m angry anyway. I know it’s part of grief, but I don’t like it. I’d rather feel sad than angry.
“You’ll be okay,” Hannah sniffles. “We’re here for you.”
I nod. I know they are even if I haven’t let them be. “I love you guys,” I tell them. I’m lucky to have such amazing friends. I’ve ignored their calls and texts the last few weeks but they still wanted to have lunch, and if it wasn’t for my dad I wouldn’t be here. I’ll have to remember to thank him later. I needed this.
We separate and sit back. I won’t lie, it hurts seeing the empty chair that Ben used to sit in, but for now I ignore the pain in my chest.
“Tell me something, anything,” I plead.
“I’m all moved into my new place,” Hannah says with a semi-happy smile. I wince, but she doesn’t notice. Ben was supposed to help her move. “You should come by and see it, I think you’d love it. My neighbor is a bit … annoying, though.” She shudders. “Cyrus. He’s constantly throwing parties and he’s kind of a jerk, but a hot jerk.”
Chloe perks up with interest. “How hot? Like on a scale of one to ten.”
“Twelve,” she says. “Maybe more.”
Chloe fans herself. “Oh, girl, please tell me you’re going to try to get under him.”