Breaking Wild

She loosened the game bag, unzipped her pack, and shoved her hand inside. She removed her bone saw, shifted other items around, and as she did she realized it was her binoculars that must have fallen. She wrapped her fingers around the plastic container with waterproof matches that she’d packed. She’d also brought a piece of flint that she could use with her knife, but the matches would be quicker. On the ledge outside the cave were dead wood, sticks, and bark. Again she pushed herself to a sitting position, lifted and moved her broken leg, yelled out in anguish, yelled for Kenny and Aaron, hoped to God they would be looking for her. She adjusted her weight and pulled her body back onto the snowy ledge, the numbing cold from the shot of wind almost a relief. Moving on her belly, she gathered sticks, broke off larger pieces of wood from deadfall and debris, cut through other pieces with the bone saw, collected pieces of bark, and continued to do so until she was sure she had enough to get her through the night. Only moments before she’d planned on seeking shelter, eating the remaining jerky and perhaps cooking some of the elk, rationing her water so she’d have plenty for the next day. She’d anticipated finding her way out of this place in the morning. Anticipated the sun breaking through the clouds, and when it did, she would have been able to get her bearings. And Kenny and Aaron would be looking for her then. Maybe they were looking for her now. She’d build a fire. They’d see the smoke.

She crawled toward the middle of the cave and lit a handful of bark shavings and twigs. Then she added a couple of small branches from which she had brushed off the snow. Though some of the wood on the ledge would have been too wet to light, she’d been able to gather enough dry pieces from beneath the trees, and soon the musty scent of the cave filled with the sweet smell of cedar.

Her hands were still mostly covered with blood. It had now dried and was flaking off like old paint. In that moment, she didn’t care about the game bag. She didn’t care that the meat would spoil in the warm cave. She was in too much pain, the kind of pain that feels delirious, transporting even, as if she could imagine herself someplace else, imagine falling asleep beside this warm fire and waking up to a blue sky, imagine a life and an ankle and a marriage unbroken. But as delirious as she felt, she also knew she must eat and did not know how much time would pass before she was found. And so as the chill left her body, she gathered more strength and pushed the game bag outside the cave so that the meat would not spoil, rolled the elk quarter, and kept rolling it until it was a good eight feet to the right of the cave’s entrance. There she covered the shoulder with boughs she’d cut from low-hanging limbs. And once the meat was covered, she returned to the shelter.

She added more wood to the fire. She removed the remaining beef jerky from her pack, removed the plastic bag that held the elk’s liver and heart. She would cook the organs. They could sustain her for a couple of days. And she would eat the remaining beef jerky. But for now, her stomach was too nauseated, and her leg was swelling. She’d have to collect snow and pack it around the break to keep the swelling down. Numbing her leg would help with the pain as well. She still had the sandwich bag from earlier in the day, and the bag holding the elk’s organs, and the bag of jerky. She transferred the jerky to her pockets. She then used her knife to shave down one of the longer branches and turn it into a skewer. She pierced the heart and liver and set them aside. She tucked the three empty bags beneath her arm and scooted back to the ledge. There, she scooped snow into each of the three zip-top bags. The pain was getting worse. She knew the bone must be bleeding, and she would need to immobilize her leg. Her body was shaky, and again she was aware that her blood pressure was dropping. She crawled back into the cave, stoked the fire once more. She packed the bags of snow around her broken ankle, then lay back against her pack, all the while listening to the wind, an eerie howl like something wild. She willed the warmth of the fire and her fatigue to lull her to sleep, to give her some relief.

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